Woman #1: My students are sooo homophobic.
Woman #2: You should make them drink their way to tolerance!
–Dallas BBQ, Chelsea
Overheard by: Ladle
Woman #1: My students are sooo homophobic.
Woman #2: You should make them drink their way to tolerance!
–Dallas BBQ, Chelsea
Overheard by: Ladle
NYU professor: So, you don’t know who Robin Hood is or who the three little piggies are? Really? Where did you grow up?
Student: The Bronx.
–Politics class, NYU
Overheard by: jmd
Professor: … So metaphorically speaking, that’s why the descent into the subway is like going to Hell.
Student: That’s ridiculous.
Professor: Really? Why not? It’s very hot and sweaty down there, not to mention if you fall onto the tracks or touch the third rail, you’re dead.
Student: What’s wrong with being dead?
–Borough of Manhattan Community College
Overheard by: vic
Genetics professor: So, you know, Mendel’s pea plants didn’t just grow all in one night.
Student: So what did he do while the plants grew?
Genetics professor: Hmmm, who knows? Look at porn?
–City College
Teacher: Who else can we write to who could have a positive impact on the environment?
Second grade boy #1: Donald Trump. [Class laughs.]Teacher: No, he’s right. Mr. Trump owns a lot of buildings in Manhattan.
Second grade girl: And the buildings use a lot of power because they’re tall!
Second grade boy #2: But where does his power come from?
Second grade boy #1: Jesus.
Second grade girl: Nuh-uh. George Clooney.
–Elementary school, South Bronx
British lady: It must have eaten some rat poison, because it vomited up its innards and then had just enough strength left to crawl to the door before dying in a dainty pool of blood.
–1 train
Teacher to girl who just cut herself with Exacto knife: Would you stop leaking?! Your blood is going to stain the linoleum!
–Bronx Science engineering class
Overheard by: LSB
Suit on cell: Why isn’t it done? Why isn’t it fucking done? Was it your intention to make my ass bleed today? Was it?
–41st & Broadway
Girl: My grandma always washes my bloody underwear.
–1 train
Guy to girlfriend: Your hair tastes like fake blood.
–Mulberry St
Overheard by: Ashley
Teen chick on cell: I’m going to cut my arm tonight to show you how much I love you! Yes! I’m going to cut it off! Yes! I’m going to wipe all the blood on a napkin and give it to you. How much blood there is is how much I love you… Yes! I! Am! Well, I can’t think of another way to show you how much I love you. I have to prove it somehow! Oh, I have another call, I gotta go.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: still recovering
Hobo, taking long drink from water fountain: Ahhh, water is good! It tastes like blood!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Oh My God
Angry theology teacher: God created Adam and Eve–
Chick, cutting her off: –Who created God?
–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island
Student, after two-hour lecture on Charles Darwin: Yo, professor?
Teacher: Yes, Phyllis?
Student: That Charlie — he da man!
Teacher: Indeed! Charlie is the man, Phyllis! Excellent!
–Queensborough Community College
Overheard by: Just trying to pass…
Student: Do I need to do the math extra credit project?!
Teacher: Yes, because on Friday when you come to me and ask if you are failing, I’m gonna laugh at you. Then you will go home and tell your family that I laughed at you. Then they will come up to school and yell at me and I’ll laugh at them.
–Forest Hills school
Overheard by: laughing my ass off at my classmate
Professor: Care to elaborate on that?
Student who answered question: I’d rather not.
–NYU Law School
Overheard by: Vitto
Headline by: Alli
Runners-Up:
· “But I would like to know the specifics of why you think I should go fuck myself.” – Bassmanbish
· “I Don’t Think I Could. I Elaborated In The Shower This Morning.” – Redneck Jedi
· “Let me rephrase, what the fuck do you mean?” – chris sowell
· “Objection! Asked and answered.” – Law School Dropout
· “See ‘Billing By the Hour’ to Learn Why That’s the Wrong Answer” – PhoenixRising
· “The first rule of law school is: We do not talk about law school.” – Steve-o
