12-year-old girl: Mom, can we get a hot dog or something later?
Girl's mom: No, it'll make you fat.
12-year-old girl: But…
Girl's mom: Fat!
–F Train
Overheard by: Immallama
12-year-old girl: Mom, can we get a hot dog or something later?
Girl's mom: No, it'll make you fat.
12-year-old girl: But…
Girl's mom: Fat!
–F Train
Overheard by: Immallama
Tween boy #1: You don’t know what AIDS is.
Tween boy #2: Yeah I do. AIDS are what you get when a boy sticks his pee-pee in a girl’s coochee and he gets a disease.
–C train
Nine-year-old girl: Trick or treat! If you don’t have any candy, you can give my mom some liquor!
–Wine shop, Chelsea
Overheard by: Catherynne Valente
Cute chick on cell: Hello, Mom. I’m just calling to tell you I got a tattoo, and I’m telling you on your voicemail so I don’t have to hear any shit from you about it. Call me after you calm down. Bye.
–Canal & Lafayette
Overheard by: Big Larry
Mom and nine-year-old daughter are walking hand-in-hand.
Daughter, shrieking: No, Mommy, please don’t buy the razor! Anything but the razor, Mommy!
–74th & Broadway
Tween girl: My mother is probably going to shit on my head.
–Broadway & 67th
Overheard by: thaler
Hipster NYU dude: She’s not my mother anymore.
–14th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: yamutha
Older gay guy on cell: In the 60s, you didn't need to have passion or talent to be an artist; you just needed to have a van, because no one else was going to haul your shitty art around.
–7th Ave & 14th St
Overheard by: Miss C
Girl reading sign at Frank Lloyd Wright museum: Oh… He was an architect!
–Guggenheim Museum
Overheard by: Antartic
Mom to little girl: If you look at too much art in one day, you'll turn into a statue.
–MoMA
Guy on phone: Yeah, she said she didn't think I would want to go, but why the fuck not? I'll go to a fucking museum if I fucking want to. I'll look at some paintings and shit.
–Downtown Brooklyn
Overheard by: Mark McLaughlin
12-year-old boy, looking at Picasso paintings: This is totally my thing, man, it's like free porn.
–MoMA
12-year old girl: Just because we watch porn together doesn't mean we have sex together.
12-year old boy: Stop lying, you whore.
–Mulberry & Canal
Overheard by: Tara G
Junior high kid: Nice bike, fag!
Guy on moped: Nice prepubescent penis, kid!
–Greenwich Village
Overheard by: Matthew
Hipster girl: I hate it when obviously uncool people wear flannel.
–E Train
Overheard by: dru
Hipster girl: Shark Week is a week? It lasted like a month last year.
–N 6th St, Williamsburg
Frumpy hipster: No! Hipsters melt in the rain!
–McCarren Park Pool, Greenpoint
Hipster on cell: No, I've never heard of a nocturnal squirrel… Do you even… Wait, are you trying to tell me you're gay?! No? Well, this is awkward…
–Central Park
Hipster guy to another: Have you ever played with yourself under a blacklight? There's like all kinds of shit on your dick!
–Union Hall
Overheard by: Cass
Frumpy mom, holding up item for hipster tween daughter: Catherine, is this ironic?
–Beacon's Closet, Williamsburg
Tween girl #1: That’s a girl’s shirt!
Guy in light blue shirt with pink flower on the back that says ‘Mom’s Weekend ’04’: No, it’s not. It’s a man’s shirt.
Tween girl #2: No, that’s a girl’s shirt you have on.
Guy: I’m not going to explain irony to a 12-year-old.
–Target, Queens
Overheard by: Oh, Queens
Boy #1: It’s so gross! My aunts pinch my cheeks and call me cute and make, like, cow noises!
Boy #2: Take it from me: wait ’til you get older. I promise, no one will ever call you cute again.
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Andrea
