Wednesday: Soft As a Baby's One-Liner

Drunk middle aged man, grabbing wife's shoulder: Watch this! Nine months from tonight! Count it, people! She's going to have a motherfucking baby! Nine months! Niiiiiine months!

–E 9th St & University Place

Overheard by: NYUTSOA2012

Tween to grandmother: There's this girl in my class at school who had a baby around Halloween, and she named it Starlight. It's a baby girl.

–F Train

Overheard by: office peon

Hysterical teen: If I had nine months left to live I would have his baby!

–Gee Whiz, Tribeca

Train conductor: Stand clear of the closing doors! Especially if you got a baby and a baby carriage!

–Uptown 2 Train

Attractive brunette: There were dead babies in the tree. Like Christmas ornaments.

–96th & Broadway

Posted on March 17, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Couples, Death, Drunks, Elementary & Middle School, Families, Girls, Men, Names, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Teens, The Village, Time, Trees and plants, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Then Stop Showing Us Your Hymen

Tween girl #1: Oh my god, is it wrong that I want him inside me?
Tween girl #2: Uh, yeah, especially since you’re like 13 and a virgin.
Tween girl #1: Oh my god, shut up! I don’t want all these New Yorkers to know I’m a virgin!

–50th & 6th

Posted on March 5, 2016
Bimbettes, Comebacks, Horny, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Sex, Tweens

Wednesday’s Gonna Have a Little One-Liner

Angry frat boy: Oh, so now I’m the bad guy? Let’s talk about you and your irrational pregnancy!

–Grand Central

Tween to friends: So, do you think I should get an abortion? I mean, I’m not even pregnant!

–TGI Fridays

Overheard by: Sara

Giggling chick: When you get pregnant, the only things that swell are your breasts!

–8th & Broadway

Overheard by: Hannah

Female security guard to friend: I don’t think I’m pregnant. There’s no way I can be pregnant, because I was only having light sex.

–Duane Reade, 23rd & 6th

Overheard by: jmike

Happy lady on cell: Guess what?! I’m pregnant! Yes, with a baby this time!

–96th St station

Overheard by: Kind of Confused

20-something chick: If I get pregnant, I am so suing Fresh Direct.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Posted on February 25, 2016
Abortion, All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Columbia (& Barnard), Crime and Punishment, Duane Reade, Frat Boys, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Grand Central, On Cell, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Rack, Restaurants & Cafes, Security Guards, Sex, Students, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Tweens, Weirdness, Women

Someone’s Been to the Learning Annex

Mom: What?…What?
Tween boy: That woman–
Mom: Nah, boy. You need to learn how to crack on people. Gotta be quick on that shit. ou too late.
Tween boy: But–
Mom: Don’t even try. It ain’t gonna be funny. You too late.

–3 train

Posted on December 29, 2015
Insults, Moms, On the Subway, Tweens

Because Butterflies Wear T-shirts

Girl: Well, I don’t know…She doesn’t look very much like a butterfly.
Guy: What, would you rather have her wear a t-shirt with a giant butterfly on it?

–Lincoln Center

Posted on November 29, 2015
Fashion, People, Stupidity, Theater & Dance, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

But He Really Had to at That Point, Y'know?

12-year-old boy to two 12-year-old girls, ending long story: So my dad peed in the apple pie!
12-year-old girls: Eeeeewwwww!

–W 77th & Columbus

Overheard by: Stephen

Posted on November 7, 2015
Food, Parents, Pee, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Dad Ordered the T-mobile Steak (You Get More)

Tween chick #1: So when we went to Canada, we had deer.
Tween chick #2: Really? Doesn’t it have a special name too?
Tween chick #1: Yeah. Verizon, like the phones.

–M14 bus

Overheard by: Melissa

Posted on August 30, 2015
Food, On the Bus, Tweens

…But He's My Son.

20-year-old female host: Can I help you with something?
12-year-old boy, staring at her: I just want to admire your body.
20-year-old female host: Excuse me?
12-year-old boy: You have a great body.
20-year-old female host: Ummmm, thanks…
12-year-old boy's friend: If I were you I'd leave, he's creepy.
20-year-old female host: I wish I could.

–Restaurant, Times Square

Posted on August 20, 2015
Advice, Beauty, Clerks, Compliments, Offers and requests, Restaurants & Cafes, Times Square, Tweens, Wishes & desires

So That We’ll Never Forget to Light It

Tween girl #1: She’s been in this bitchy mood all week and when I asked her why she said she just got back from the Holocaust Memorial.
Tween girl #2: Holo–oh, that Jewish thing with all the candles? Why does that have a memorial?

–Dumbo

Overheard by: Egregious Pixie