Wednesdeified One-Linefication

Wheelbo: I understand that this is a crowded train. I will try and move past you as articulately as possible, as not to step on anybody’s toes.

–6 train

Overheard by: Becs

Guy trying on women’s sunglasses: Are these for women, or are they ambidextrous?

–Laila Rowe, Upper West Side

Overheard by: nisey79

Dude: … And I became an intern to be internal…

–Columbia University

NYU chick on cell: Thanks so much for, like, printing out my paper for me. You were, like, such a lifesaver! Yeah, my printer ran out of, you know, cartilage, so I’m at Staples buying some more.

–Soho

Overheard by: if only sharks could be used as toner

Bimbette: Yeah, well, she just kept on keptin’ on…

–4th Ave, between 11th & 12th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Mike R

Fat lady: They eat dogs in other countries — it’s a delicatessen.

–Fulton & Church St

Overheard by: Dan

Posted on September 26, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Publish or Perish

Professor: If you are selected, meet me and talk to me about the presentation on Thursday, and you can take advantage of me. [Awkward pause, then] If you want to rape me, you are welcome to try, but I don’t think so because I am pretty strong.

–NYU

Overheard by: Ting

Political philosophy professor after oral surgery: I had a choice to make: I could have stayed home like a happy clam on Percocet, or I could teach class… I miss the Percocet.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: tanechka

Computer science professor: They [people who figured out which mushrooms were poisonous] were the true pioneers. Screw Edison!

–NYU

Professor: Don’t get too excited — I’m not putting you into groups. Yeah, I saw you all sitting there, looking around, thinking ‘Which of these fuckers is going to do all of the work?’

–Fordham University

Professor: Okay, you guys fill out these course evaluations, and I’ll go amuse myself for 15 minutes by… doing drugs or something [leaves room].

–Waverly Building, NYU

Overheard by: evanescent

English professor: I can never find enough excuses to use the word ‘pus.’

–Hunter College

Overheard by: upperwestsider

Posted on September 26, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Drugs, Education, History & Geography, Medicine, Rape, School and studying, Teachers/Professors, Wednesday One-Liners, Words

This Is the Dawning of the Age of Wednesday One-Liners

Teen girl on cell: He started laughing and calling me a moron when we were drunk and I asked him if the sun and the moon were the same thing, and I told him, ‘If you had my brain, you’d understand what I meant!’

–Penn Station

Redhead: He and I are like twin stars that will never have sex.

–Starbucks, 95th & Broadway

Overheard by: ein ladle

Bimbette: Does the U.S. own the moon?

–Astronomy 101, Borough of Manhattan Community College

Dork to gaggle of girls: A half moon is fuckin’ half as full as a full moon, ya heard?!

–East Village

Overheard by: Verbena

Posted on September 26, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astronomy, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Just Did It for the Organs

Woman to her crying child: A man is going to take you.

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Caitlin

Asian mom to child in stroller: You feel trapped? Well, so do I. Now you know how I feel.

–51st & 3rd

Mom to whining child: Too bad, so sad. Your mom looks like your dad.

–JFK

Mom on cell: Shut the hell up or you’re not going to choir camp…

–32nd & Lex

Woman with wailing baby: God, I wish I was high — you would be so funny right now!

–V train

Mom to screaming toddler: If you could stop doing that, I’d appreciate it.

–Ascan Ave & Queens Blvd

Overheard by: me too.

Posted on September 19, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Kids, Moms, Wednesday One-Liners

We’re Here, We’re Wednesday One-Liners, We’re Not Going Anywhere!

Middle-schooler: Self-mutilation is so gay!

–Q60 bus

Overheard by: Gregorio

Black lady: She gay? Oh, well, then keep her away from me. I don’t like gay people. They’s too charmin’.

–D train

Southern girl: I have this theory that all black guys are gay.

–Lafayette & Houston

Teen girl to friend, passing clipboard activists: I don’t get it. What are they doing, selling gay rights?

–Columbus Ave, Upper West Side

Overheard by: wasn’t in the mood to buy any gay rights that day

Guy to another: … And it wouldn’t be gay because we wouldn’t tell anyone!

–NYU

Overheard by: Artiste

Posted on September 19, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Sexuality, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners, Dead Ahead!

Guy to girlfriend: Every time I get pissed, I’ll list a person who’s dead.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Rachel Graham

Mom to four-year-old daughter: So, let me get this straight. Everybody was dead, then you walked in the street, and then you got kidnapped? And then you got killed?

–86th & Lex

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Seeing the genitals of a corpse is, like, a huge turn-off.

–Bodies Exhibit, Fulton St

Overheard by: Secret Asian

Woman: So I called her and I asked her, ‘Did you die?’ And she said, ‘No!’

–Pearl River Mart, Soho

Dude on cell: He’s dead? Yes!

–St. Mark’s Pl

Overheard by: Adam

Posted on September 19, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Death, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

The Little Red Book of Wednesday One-Liners

JAP on cell: I mean, the one thing I hate more than communism is arts and crafts!

–NYU

Historical guru: Then she married a guy who was a communist gunman from Berlin, and a pretty good art scholar, by the way…

–Utopia Diner, W 72nd St

Overheard by: LADY V

Teacher, in Elmer Fudd voice: Be very, very quiet… We’re doing something communist.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Liz

Posted on September 19, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Politics, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Wear Taped Glasses

Guy to cooks: So, do you guys just sit around all night making up medieval names for each other?

–Pizza shop, 2nd Ave & St. Mark’s Pl

Overheard by: mangledorf

Nerd on cell: I waited five years to get a girlfriend, and I finally got one and I just couldn’t take it!

–Dunkin’ Donuts, 14th St

Overheard by: Jo

Chick on cell: Whoa, did I just refer to Voldemort in a romantic context? What is happening to me?

–Harlem

Overheard by: Ladle

Dork: Wow, 200 points of magic! Well, that would truly be a day of sorcery.

–LIRR

NYU student: So, Yoda is more masculine than Sophocles?

–NYU

Overheard by: waphle

Posted on September 19, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Pop Culture, Questions, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Know Much about No Book-Learnin’

Hot chick on cell, sadly: I finished the new Harry Potter… It was good, but now I just feel so empty inside.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Muggle willing to fill you back up

Frat boy chucking aside a book: Reading porn just isn’t the same.

–Central Park

Hobo selling books: This book’s called Corner Stores in the Middle of the Block. That’s deep. I’ll tell you what else is deep: I realized that women only pay attention to me when I’m with other women… So I started hanging out with lesbians…

–1 train

Overheard by: Mikey T

Teen: So, this one time I got kicked out of Barnes and Noble for moving all the Bibles to the ‘Fiction’ section…

–74th & Columbus

Blonde: Isn’t Radio Shack a bookstore?

–Washington Square Park