Teen guy: You owe me a buck, I didn’t complain about gettin’ no ass all day.
Teen girl: How about a blowjob instead?
Teen guy: You serious?
Teen girl: Sure…
Teen guy: I bet you wouldn’t be good anyways. It’s a whole dollar.
Teen girl: Well, you missed out…
Teen guy: How about you come to my roof sometime?
Teen girl: Man-whore.
Teen guy: You can’t call me that, I haven’t gotten any ass in months.
Teen girl: Ha, ha. I get more ass than you!
–E train
Overheard by: teenagersarefunny
Suit on cell: Hey, yeah…Yeah, I just got back from 100 Centre Street. Yeah, Georgie Boy was drooling over counselor’s dick…You know, Georgie Boy: Boy George…That’s right, on his knees drooling over counselor’s dick. Moron lives on Mulberry, right around the corner from 100 Centre Street. They found like six bags of blow, says lots of people stay there, not his, whatever. But he’s shitting in his diaper…What?…Yeah, just six bags, whatever. But he’s drooling over counselor’s dick. I told him, “Don’t worry Georgie Boy”–we only call him “Georgie Boy”–I told him, “Don’t worry, you have a Jewish lawyer.” Do you really want to blow me?…Huh? What?…No!
–Russian & Turkish Baths, East 10th Street
Overheard by: Trey Desolay
Guy #1: Hey. Do you want some blow?
Guy #2: Um, excuse me, but that’s my dad.
Guy #1: Oh. Sorry…Whatever. I meant blowjob.
–Spirit, West 27th Street
Overheard by: e jack
Guy #1: If I had a dollar for every time I saw her blowing a guy…
Guy #2: You’d have a lot of dollars?
Guy #1: One.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Amy Q.
Hipster girl #1: I mean, I feel bad for not finishing him, but I didn’t want to break the tradition. He’s never been finished before right?
Hipster girl #2: Never, and I think he’s a little traumatized ever since that girl threw up on his…you know.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Bartender dude: You gave up?
Guy: Yeah.
Bartender dude: I never give up. Even if I know I’m gonna lose, I’ll take you down with me.
Girl: A war of attrition.
Bartender dude: No, more like 69.
–Patio Lounge, Park Slope
Girl #1: You and Lori are friends, right?
Girl #2: Yeah, I guess. Why?
Girl #1: Curious. Did you guys talk about the guy she’s dating at all?
Girl #2: Nope. It’s hard to get past conversations that don’t have her sucking my dick. Ha, ha! Sorry.
Girl #1: Wait, what? Confused.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Ilysse Weise
Guy #1: You talk about cock more than girls I know who suck it every weekend.
Guy #2: Um, are you insinuating that I’m gay?
Guy #1: I don’t need to insinuwait anything.
Guy #3: You’re both gay.
Guy #1: Suck my cock, bitch.
–79th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: AChest
Drunk guy: Let me ask you something…What are the chances that you’ll let me take you home and blow you?
Sober guy: Not very likely.
Drunk guy: See, it’s just that my girlfriend is out of town and I really want to suck you off.
Sober guy: Um. No.
–75th & Columbus
