Guy: I suck today.
Girl: Depending on how much you suck, i might suck today too.

Troy, Michigan

Overheard by: pengie

Female student #1: You sure you want me to feed you this banana?
Female student #2: Get on with it, will you?
Female student #1: This thing's pretty big. I wouldn't want to choke you.
Female student #2: Don't worry about it. I've had much bigger.
Youngish professor: (raises eyebrows)
Female student #2: You think I'm kidding? I've had some pretty big ones. Think you can give me a bigger one?
Youngish professor (blushing): Um, possibly.
Female student #2: Well, I'd like to see that.
Female student #3: Um, are we still talking about bananas here?

UCSC, California

Girl to friend: You know, you should just stop face-fucking everyone all the time. Then you'd be fine.

New Zealand

Young dude: Man, my jaw hurts.
Chick: Must have been all that sucking last night.
Young dude: Gotta be from something. Plus, I don't remember anything, so…

Quakertown, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Ken

Girl to guy: What's so safe and innocent about my lips glued to your penis?

Cleveland Heights, Ohio

Overheard by: Spence

Latina: So, this one time I was giving this guy a blowjob, but I just ate a tuna fish sandwich like 20 minutes before, and the whole time I’m like, ‘Don’t shoot that shit in my mouth ’cause I’ll puke,’ right? Then he totally came in my mouth!
White dude: Haha, nice!
Latina: Naw, man — it was nasty! I fuckin’ puked tuna fish all over this dude’s dick and balls. It got all in his pubes and everything!
White dude: Wow.
Latina: But yeah, I give good head.

Buffalo Billiards
Washington, DC

Overheard by: procrastiNate

Good Thing Pluto Didn’t Hear That

Chocolate store girl: You’re a dicksucker. You know that? I mean, why bother with you? You seen my ass, you know I’m good-looking. You’re-.
Guy in Goofy costume, muffled: Whatever. There are other tits. I’ll be just fine regardless. And just so you know [lowers voice as kids approach] you’re gonna get us both fired if you keep this shit up.
Chocolate store girl, loudly: Fuck you, and fuck your fucking ass! I hope you get fired! Then you can go home and suck your asshole!
Guy in Goofy costume, losing it: Better than sucking your ex’s dick when you’re supposed to be working.
Chocolate store girl, stunned: Who told you that?!
Guy in Goofy costume: Jen, after I fucked her!
[Girl walks into the shop quickly and goes into back room looking like she’s going to cry. Goofy goes back to wandering around aimlessly, waving to little kids.]

Disney World
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: after that, my g/f and i applied for jobs there

Drunk girl to another: I am going to suck it so good he is going to pay back all my loans!

Bar, Capital Hill
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Katie

Boy standing in line for smoothie: That better not be sparkle lips gloss.
Girl standing with him, applying lip gloss: It is, but it has like too many sparkles.
Boy: That's even worse! (pause) My one friend woke up with a ring of sparkles around his… well, you know…

University Fair

Overheard by: ashley

Dude to two other dudes: I wouldn't just suck on the tip of it.

Downtown Mall
Charlottesville, Virginia

Overheard by: browny