Smokin' hot Filipina girlfriend: My friend said that I should use Photoshop and imagination to do this. I have Photoshop, but where can I get imagination? I've never heard of it.
White boyfriend: You're kidding me, right?
Smokin' hot Filipina girlfriend: What?
White boyfriend: There is no software called “imagination.” Just use your imagination. Duh!
Smokin' hot Filipina girlfriend: You're so not getting a blowjob tonight.


Overheard by: The white boyfriend

Hipster girl to guy: I got lucky. All I had to do was make out with him. (motions to other hipster girl standing beside them) She had to suck him off!

Atlanta, Georgia

Guy: That dude's gonna get a blowjob in 20 minutes.

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Queer: Wouldn’t it be great if penises tasted like Nutella?
Fag hag: Unfortunately, oral sex doesn’t give you an evolutionary advantage, so we’ll probably never evolve that way.


Overheard by: premed

Dish hand: Did you fuck it all up again, chef?
Chef: Sure did.
Dish hand: You do this every fucking shift.
Chef: Yeah, but my wife’s hot.
Dish hand: That is not a valid defense!


Drunk girl on cell: What? … I’m so drunk I can’t even hear… I want to do naughty things to you… So, you’re saying if I were to lick and suck you, you wouldn’t care?

Fiddler’s Green
Winter Park, Florida

Overheard by: grossed out because she’s not even cute

Curious friend: Doesn't your mouth get tired?
Small Asian girl: That's what my hands are for!
Curious friend: Don't your arms get tired?!
Small Asian girl: That's what my mouth is for!
Curious friend: What do you do when both get tired?
Small Asian girl: Oh, that's when he puts it in my butt.

Hoboken, New Jersey

Nerdy girl to Asian friend: I mean, it was pathetic. I could've had my top off and had a sign around my neck that said “free blowjobs” and they wouldn't have noticed. They were all crowded around Mike watching him play Pokemon.

Chicago, Illinois

Girl on cell: Yes, that’s exactly how I want to die! You driving us drunk down the highway at a hundred miles per hour while I give you head and you use one hand to play with my tits and the other to shift gears!

University of Delaware
Newark, Delaware

Overheard by: Anne

White girl: Bite his face!
Asian girl: Ew, no! It's all hairy!
White girl: Sometimes you need to do things that you don't like. Like biting a hairy face, for example. Or putting balls in your mouth to get back your Breakfast Club movie…
Asian girl: Oh, you poor thing.

New Jersey