BJs

…And Potentially Fuck You?

Skater: Come on. Hang out.
Murray Hill-looking PR-type chick: Fuck you! You're a fag! You'd rather hang with your loser friends in this fucking rat hole? I would have fucked you, if you just came to Manhattan but…
Skater: C'mon hang. It'll be cool.
Murray Hill-looking PR-type chick: Oh, fuck this. I'm taking this cab. Have fun sucking your buddy's cock, asshole!
Skater, after watching her leave: Fucking bitch! (pauses, then asks perfect stranger) Hey, can I buy a cigarette from you?

–12th St & Bedford

A Little Wednesday One-Liner in a Big Pond

Drunk girl: I just love a cock in my mouth! It is a fact of my life, like Blair and Tootie. I want to be carnivorous. I will eat fish if it's the only thing on the menu, but I really just want some meat! I'm not fishiverous!

–Party, Ditmars Boulevard, Astoria

Overheard by: likes steak AND seafood

Girl to friend: Surely if she was ever in possession of a penis, then on merit she would inherit the family lobster farm?

–28th & 7th

Ginger: Garibaldi… That is so weird. That is the name of the California state fish. I wonder if the statue is named after the fish.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: camillo cavour

Man to wife: That's too much calamari, even for a homeless guy.

–East Village

Wednesday One-liners, the Morning After

Chick on cell: I just fell asleep! It’s not like I’m seeing other people.

–42nd & 5th

Overheard by: Cresny

Chick: You told me you was a celebrity! I sucked yo dick!

–Union Square

Chick: I’m no whore. I told him, the closest you’re getting to getting me from behind, you know, doggie style, is licking your own balls and humping my leg.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: stuck in great kills

A Page from Oh, the Places You'll Blow!

Man on subway: Does this train go to 125th Street?
Woman: No. It's going downtown.
Man on subway: Oh, shit. I gotta go to 125th Street and suck a dick to get some crack.

–1 Train

Just Two Cagneys, a Lacey and Three Kates

Security lady: …Oh, I know her. I heard she don’t have no teeth no more.
Guy: Heh…nope.
Security lady: Good for suckin’ dick.
Guy: Heh, heh…yep.
Security lady: Bet that’s right up your alley, ain’t it?
Guy: I ain’t got no alleys.

–New York Public Library, West 53rd Street

So He’ll Get Off at the Next Stop

Kids break into the subway intercom.

Kid on intercom: Yo, this is the express train motherfucker. If you don’t like it, suck my dick.
College kid: This isn’t the express train.

–1 train, 86th st.

Overheard by: Mayor of Hartley

Also Because You're Wearing Short-shorts and Rollerskates

Teenage boy #1: All I'm saying is it's false advertising. If you suck dick, you should say you suck dick.
Teenage boy #2: But then everyone will think you're a fag.
Teenage boy #3: No, no way. You're telling me that just because I meet a guy whose dick I want to suck, people will think I'm a fag?

–The Loop, Prospect Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: octopus

Sweet or Salty?

Queer #1: I sucked you off and swallowed your cum!
Queer #2: Shh, not now, someone will hear.
Queer #1: No! No one is listening!
Girl next to them: Actually, I'm listening.

–3 Train

Overheard by: Carly

His Morning Wood Is a Bonsai

Big Guido, yelling at female bystanders after minor traffic accident: Why don’t you shut the fuck up and get something to do… go suck a dick somewhere!
Woman bystander: Well, I’d suck you if you weren’t so small…

–55th & Madison

Overheard by: kerstin

Here We See the Archetypal Enabler

Teen girl #1: Yeah, so John totally wants me to give him head even though I barely know him and we’ve never even hooked up.
Teen girl #2: That’s so weird.
Teen girl #1: I know! It’d be such a slutty thing to do. And I’ve never even given a blowjob before.
Teen girl #2: Yeah, totally.
Teen girl #1: Then again, I feel like giving head is something I should do before I turn 16.
Teen girl #2: Good point.
Teen girl #1: So I’m totally going to do it.
Teen girl #2: Awesome, I can give you tips!

–Metro-North

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