English teacher: Midas wanted everything he touched to turn to gold. What did he touch?
Student: His stuff…?
English teacher: Let’s not even go there.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
English teacher: Midas wanted everything he touched to turn to gold. What did he touch?
Student: His stuff…?
English teacher: Let’s not even go there.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
Fat Latina: I remember just squatting over her and stuffing it in her face.
–36th & Park
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Guy: It’s not the eyes in the back of the head, it the lack of a nose in the back of the head that’s the problem.
–N train
Overheard by: sara n.
Chick: My ovaries popped, and he’s giving me shit for it.
–Queens Blvd & Continental Ave
Overheard by: Jacquie
Guy on cell: They need new feet… I don’t know, to walk on!
–7th & 4th, Brooklyn
Chick: A uterus seems like a fun place to be!
–57th & 2nd
Overheard by: Sally S.
Man on cell: Baby, you are the only one who has seen my body! You are the only one who has seen my body!
–14th & 3rd
Overheard by: bildita
Chipper, early-20s redhead to blonde: Open your ears, woman! Do I have to use my tail?!
–116th & Broadway
Little girl, holding herself and shivering: Daddy, Daddy — my heart is cold!
Father: Your heart is cold?
Little girl: Yes, it’s cold!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Lai
Young Asian man to Asian woman with baby, while touching baby’s foot: She is so soft. Does she have bones yet?
Asian mom: Yes, she has bones!
–L train
Overheard by: Lisa
Middle-aged man: If I wanted to gouge his eyes out, I’d have his eyes in my pocket right now.
–11th & 5th
Overheard by: Max
Fat teen: I don’t know about you, but my clit is real low… Like, down near my ass.
–110th & Central Park West
Overheard by: Kong
Guy on cell: What fell out yo’ foot? What do you mean, the bone fell out yo’ foot! Put it back in!
–Penn Station
Woman preaching to two friends: I can’t believe he couldn’t find the ovary. I mean, if you’ve seen an ovary once, you know how to find it again. It’s not hard.
–F train
Overheard by: commuter
Woman on cell: I’m sorry, baby, what part of your body are you talking about? … Oh, God.
–A train
Girl #1: So, is he hot?
Girl #2: Well, kind of. He’s albino.
Girl #1: Does he have the fucking scary eyes?
Girl #2: He’s got the fucking scary eyes.
–14th St
Overheard by: Molly Fitzpatrick
Hobo with shopping cart, singing: Every day I pick my nose! Every day I pick my nose! Every day I pick my nose! I pick my big, goddamn nose!
–W 4th & Barrow
Overheard by: David M Pasteelnick
Cop singing into loudspeaker of police van flashing its lights: Kumbaya, my Lord! Kumbaya! Oooh, Lord, kumbaya!
–23rd & 2nd
Overheard by: Gus
Crazy hobo, singing: I want a hedge fund, Lord, kumbaya. I want a hedge fund, Lord, kumbaya. I want a hedge fund, Lord, kumbaya. Everybody! [Crowd stares.] Oh, Lord, kumbaya!
–11th Ave, between 51st & 52nd
Overheard by: Amused Tourist
Small boy and girl singing: Jesus! Jeeesus! Jesus in the morning, Jesus in the evening… Jeeesuuusss…
–Wendy’s, Bayside, Queens
Overheard by: smh
Two old black ladies, singing: New York City condoms, New York City condoms! Protect yourself in somebody else. [Clap once, then] New York City condoms!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Gemma
30-ish woman #1: I really didn’t know what a blowjob was ’til I was, like, really old.
30-ish woman #2: You mean until you actually had it in your mouth?
–Cobble Hill
Dude: Civilizations have dried and died on my chest.
–D train
Tween: … And I’m like, ‘Hello, clit.’
–E Houston
Girl: I keep picturing your eye in my stomach.
–1 train
Overheard by: Emily
Little girl: Mom! That girl’s poking her eyebrow at me!
–70th & Broadway
Asian girl: I should be paying for all this. It’s just going to all end up on my face anyways.
–Food Emporium, Murray Hill
Overheard by: Jesse
Guy: So, if I told you that your eyes reminded me of the color of shit, would you be offended?
Over-sensitive girl: Yeah…
Guy: But your eyes are blue!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Caesar22
