Mom: I don’t know why you brought me here. You know there’s nothing here that I can eat.
Chick: What about the steak, Mom? I thought you like steak?
Mom: Goddamn it! You know I forgot my teeth!
–Ruth’s Chris Steak House, W. 51st Street
Mom: I don’t know why you brought me here. You know there’s nothing here that I can eat.
Chick: What about the steak, Mom? I thought you like steak?
Mom: Goddamn it! You know I forgot my teeth!
–Ruth’s Chris Steak House, W. 51st Street
Girl: Excuse me, do you have Anbesol?
Cashier guy: Animals? No. No animals.
Girl: No, Anbesol…it’s for gums.
Cashier guy: All of the gums are right here.
–Deli, Astoria
Overheard by: Someone who thought it was “Ambesol”
Chick #1: Oh look, you’ve got color back in your cheeks! What did they give you?
Chick #2: Oxygen.
–St. Vincent’s, W. 12th Street
Girl: I need like an extra stomach outside my body that I can just dump out when it gets full so I don’t actually absorb all the calories.
Guy: They have that, honey. It’s called “bulimia”.
Girl: …Oh, like you haven’t considered it!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Rachel
Queer #1: God, it’s so hot. I bet nudists must love it.
Queer #2: Why? They’re still hot, too.
Queer #1: But all they have is pubey bushes. We actually have clothes that are making us hot.
Queer #2: You’re stupid.
Queer #1: But I bet their balls and labias smell.
–50th Street 1 station
Girl: You staring at me?
Guy: Yeah, but only ’cause you look so fine.
Girl: True. But you can stop checking me out now. These aren’t public titties, they’re private titties. For select audiences only, and you’re not a member.
–A train
Crazy lady: They schtole my teef, too!
Hipster guy: Really? How did they get in there to take them?
–L train
Overheard by: emdashes
A fat girl’s belly is pooling over the top of her jeans.
Guy: Hey, check out her muffin tops.
Girl: Dude, those aren’t muffin tops; they’re a whole cake explosion.
–N train
Overheard by: Tina
Girl #1: Ugh! It’s horrible out! It feels like I’m in someone’s lung!
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: It’s just so moist and warm out here; it’s like being in a giant lung.
Girl #2: …that’s the most disgusting description I think I’ve ever heard.
–74th & Madison
Overheard by: Sarah
Hobo: Hey, any of you fellas got a match?
Drunk guy: Yeah I got a match, my ass and your face!
Hobo: I hear ya.
–3rd Avenue and 9th Street
