Girl: Excuse me, do you have Anbesol?
Cashier guy: Animals? No. No animals.
Girl: No, Anbesol…it’s for gums.
Cashier guy: All of the gums are right here.
–Deli, Astoria
Overheard by: Someone who thought it was “Ambesol”
Girl: Excuse me, do you have Anbesol?
Cashier guy: Animals? No. No animals.
Girl: No, Anbesol…it’s for gums.
Cashier guy: All of the gums are right here.
–Deli, Astoria
Overheard by: Someone who thought it was “Ambesol”
Chick #1: Oh look, you’ve got color back in your cheeks! What did they give you?
Chick #2: Oxygen.
–St. Vincent’s, W. 12th Street
Girl: I need like an extra stomach outside my body that I can just dump out when it gets full so I don’t actually absorb all the calories.
Guy: They have that, honey. It’s called “bulimia”.
Girl: …Oh, like you haven’t considered it!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Rachel
Queer #1: God, it’s so hot. I bet nudists must love it.
Queer #2: Why? They’re still hot, too.
Queer #1: But all they have is pubey bushes. We actually have clothes that are making us hot.
Queer #2: You’re stupid.
Queer #1: But I bet their balls and labias smell.
–50th Street 1 station
Girl: You staring at me?
Guy: Yeah, but only ’cause you look so fine.
Girl: True. But you can stop checking me out now. These aren’t public titties, they’re private titties. For select audiences only, and you’re not a member.
–A train
Crazy lady: They schtole my teef, too!
Hipster guy: Really? How did they get in there to take them?
–L train
Overheard by: emdashes
A fat girl’s belly is pooling over the top of her jeans.
Guy: Hey, check out her muffin tops.
Girl: Dude, those aren’t muffin tops; they’re a whole cake explosion.
–N train
Overheard by: Tina
Girl #1: Ugh! It’s horrible out! It feels like I’m in someone’s lung!
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: It’s just so moist and warm out here; it’s like being in a giant lung.
Girl #2: …that’s the most disgusting description I think I’ve ever heard.
–74th & Madison
Overheard by: Sarah
Hobo: Hey, any of you fellas got a match?
Drunk guy: Yeah I got a match, my ass and your face!
Hobo: I hear ya.
–3rd Avenue and 9th Street
Guy: I got both, bitch! I got a pussy and a dick!
–6th Avenue & 9th Street
Chick: He was my rag guy! What am I going to do now? I’m gonna dry up. If you stick your ear up to my vagina you’re going to hear the fucking desert like it’s a seashell.
–43rd & 5th
Overheard by: James Wilson
Burkha woman: …when you remove a man’s genitals, it’s a sin.
–Port Authority
Guy on cell: I’m busy. I’m getting my dick sucked right now.
–4 train
Overheard by: LatiE
Guy: It wasn’t till I started college that I realized they had botched the circumcision. We had all just flopped them out and I was like, “Dude, what is wrong with yours?”, and they were like, “No man, it’s you, what the fuck happened to you? It looks like the fucking rings of saturn.”
–38th & 3rd
Suit: If you’re a dick you can do anything.
–Maiden Lane & Pearl Street
Overheard by: SKG
Man on cell: So I was trying to take a pee and she kept talking to me, so then my dick got hard and I couldn’t pee.
–25th & 5th
Overheard by: Ian Wheeler-Nicholson
Lady on cell: He’s a hermaphrodite…he was born that way…his grandparents, thats why. Genetic mutations and stuff.
–50th & Madison
Chick: But he has a pierced dick! They don’t sell that shit in stores!
–SI party
Overheard by: Rebecca Dash
