Girl: …so I told him to suck his own dick if he thinks he can do it any better.
–G train
Overheard by: Ocera
Little boy: Mommy, mommy, do you have a penis?
–E train
Overheard by: Ting
JHS kid: …so I said, “He’s gonna make you stay after class and he’s gonna pull down your fucking pants and shove his fucking cock up your ass!”
–Times Square shuttle
Overheard by: Lizzy
Guy #1: Hit him in the fucking head.
Guy #2: Fuck him in the head.
Guy #1: Yo, that’s mad homoerotic, son.
–St. Mark’s Ale House, St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Eric
Girl #1: She always has this miserable look about her.
Girl #2: Dude, that’s just her face.
Girl #1: Ew.
–Lincoln Center
Woman: Why are you smiling and licking your lips at me? Do you do this to all the customers?
–J & R Music World, Park Row
Overheard by: mimi lester
Teen #1: Damn, kid! Your face mad hairy!
Teen #2: I’m a grown-ass man, dog.
–A train
Girl #1: She’s so lucky. I mean, she works for Oscar de la Renta.
Girl #2: Yeah, and she has a clause in her pre-nup that allows her husband to divorce her if her feet become disgusting. I’m jealous.
–Fashion Ave. elevator
Player: Yo, I ain’t banged a fat bitch in a while.
–Broadway & Astor Place
Big woman: He looks like a bean…he has no ass!
–Kate Spade, Broome St.
Overheard by: wermice
Chick #1: …and I swear my head rammed into the wall and it’s that cheap crappy sheet rock and there’s a hole in it now. I’m gonna tell him to write his name on it!
Chick #2: Oh, he’ll probably like that.
–The Gap, Bensonhurst
Overheard by: Deborah Olin
Homey #1: Yo, hold up…Jesus was a virgin?! He went from 12 to 33 with nothing?
Homey #2: Fuck that shit. He definitely got his dick sucked or buttfucked some bitches.
–L Train, 8th Avenue
Overheard by: Brian McCaffrey
Thug: Damn! You can’t go nowhere now without seeing faggots. I saw two brothers holding hands on the train the other day. It’s like they were coming out of the closet on the train!
Thugette: There ain’t no closet on the train.
–L Train, 8th Avenue
Woman on cell: …hon, she had a gut!
Little boy: Mom, chubby is the new black.
–75th & Broadway
