A hobo is sitting on a bench next to a woman.
Hobo: Don’t touch my butt, lady. I’m a virgin.
Woman: Oh, please.
Hobo: Get over it.
–Central Park
A hobo is sitting on a bench next to a woman.
Hobo: Don’t touch my butt, lady. I’m a virgin.
Woman: Oh, please.
Hobo: Get over it.
–Central Park
Lady: Girl, or all the hairs growin’ out of my face, I’d take your wart in a second.
–Bally Sports Club, Madison & 43rd
Overheard by: Heather Hunter
Trendy boy: God, I feel so bad farting next to all these really expensive cars.
–Jacob Javits Center
Overheard by: Lindsay
Dude on cell: …so I got into this fight last night and totally whaled on the dude…totally kicked his ass! His nose was bleeding and everything!….OK, I’ll see ya later. Peace.
–Coffee Shop, Union Square West
Bi guy #1: So do you have a lot of threesomes?
Bi guy #2: My girlfriend likes to see me take it up the ass. She’s weird like that.
–Chelsea taxicab
Teen girl #1: How do you know it’s uncomfortable?
Teen girl #2: Just put something in your ass and walk around with it.
Teen girl #1: In your ass?
Teen girl #2: Well, on your ass.
–Forest Hills
Overheard by: Sara R.
Drunk suit: Can I have a gin and tonic?
Irish barman: Only if you have an enema with you, ’cause I’m going to shove it up your arse when I’m done.
–Nancy Whiskey Pub, Lispenard Street
Old black guy #1: You got to take care of your lady.
Old black guy #2: Uh huh.
Old black guy #1: Every now and then you got to let her do her nails, do her hair and wash her ass…
Old black guy #2: Uh huh!
–Avenue A between 1st and 2nd Street
Woman: How did you get that big scar on your face?
Man: The war in Iraq.
Woman: That’s still going on?
–42nd & Lexington
Overheard by: Jonathan
Mother: Honey! Why are you walking on your knees?
Little girl: Because my feet hurt.
–50th & 8th
Girl: …so I told him to suck his own dick if he thinks he can do it any better.
–G train
Overheard by: Ocera
Little boy: Mommy, mommy, do you have a penis?
–E train
Overheard by: Ting
JHS kid: …so I said, “He’s gonna make you stay after class and he’s gonna pull down your fucking pants and shove his fucking cock up your ass!”
–Times Square shuttle
Overheard by: Lizzy
Guy #1: Hit him in the fucking head.
Guy #2: Fuck him in the head.
Guy #1: Yo, that’s mad homoerotic, son.
–St. Mark’s Ale House, St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Eric
Girl #1: She always has this miserable look about her.
Girl #2: Dude, that’s just her face.
Girl #1: Ew.
–Lincoln Center
Woman: Why are you smiling and licking your lips at me? Do you do this to all the customers?
–J & R Music World, Park Row
Overheard by: mimi lester
