Girl: Oh, has your ear been penetrated?
Boy: It’s called ‘pierced,’ Maddie, not ‘penetrated.’ Pierced.
–Central Park
Girl: Oh, has your ear been penetrated?
Boy: It’s called ‘pierced,’ Maddie, not ‘penetrated.’ Pierced.
–Central Park
Man to scantily clad girl passerby: Yo, can I get your number? Can I text message you? Can I e-mail you? Somethin’? [As she walks away] Can I be your socks?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Nicole
70-year-old man to 20-something jogger: Good morning. Would you like to wrestle in the grass over there?
–Riverside Park
Drunken Don Juan: Hey… Miss… Miss… Ah… Is your husband… Is your husband married?
–Prospect Pl & Classon, Brooklyn
Overheard by: sweet tea
Drunk guy to girl: You have nice toes. I want to put them in my mouth.
–St. Mark’s & 2nd Ave
Creepy guy to hot blonde, after trying to pick her up: I’m not trying to hit on you. I just want to be your friend on Facebook.
–78th & Columbus
Black tween girl: So, Jared was like, ‘What? You want a pizza party?’ and I said, ‘No, I want a party that I can pop, lock, and drop in.’ And then she goes, ‘Girl, I can pop and lock, but if I drop, I’ll drop.
–59th & Lex N/R/W stop
Overheard by: koala
Drunk guy on cell: What? Yeah, it’s always a great party… Hmmm… Let me think of who I have to sleep with to get you an invite…
–34th & 3rd
20-ish chick: I was telling the girls about how his cock unfurls like one of those party blowers, and then they happened to have those blowers at the New Year’s Eve party we went to, so I tormented them with one all night.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: McFreaky
Late-30s guy: I’m the kind of guy who goes to parties and brags about my perky corneas.
–House party, S 8th St, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
Guy on cell: Well, the funeral was Tuesday… Yeah, the party was that night.
–10th & 2nd
Overheard by: Suzz
Barbie type to tourist pals: It sucks — you guys are like two weeks late to party with Heath Ledger.
–2nd Ave, between E 6th & E 7th St
Overheard by: Ben
Girl: Please!
Guy: No!
Girl: Come on!
Guy: No!
Girl: Pleeease, just once!
Guy: I’m not going to let you mace me!
Girl: Come on… I’ll let you punch me in the ovaries.
Guy: … Just one, or both?
–Sullivan & Prince
Mac specialist #1: Hey, what’s up, man?
Mac specialist #2: Not much, man. Take a look at this [holds up his pinky finger, looking disgusted].
Mac specialist #1: What is that?
Mac specialist #2: I think I fingered somebody.
Mac specialist #1: No!
–Apple, 5th Ave
Lady: Pay attention! My legs don’t stop there.
Hubby: But yo’ pants do.
–E 12th & Ave A
Overheard by: Bases McGee
Guy: I don’t know if I actually agree with you.
Girl: So, what are ovaries if not inverted testicles?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Seth J.
Woman to another: Yeah, that’s true, but she has a huge uterus anyway.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: Will Couchon
Black lady: I had to shut his throat and it was all [violent gurgling noises].
–Varick & King St
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
NYU blonde to friend: I wish I was made of pixels… But cells are sorta like pixels, right? So yay, I am!
–D train
Overheard by: keeeem
Flyer guy: Here you go, sexy! [Brunette ignores him and keeps walking.] I’ll take you home and bite you! I’ll bite a nice big chunk out of your thigh!
–Broadway & Liberty
Overheard by: ouch ouch
White girl: Ow, my face! I mean my head! I mean my arm…
–Bard High School Early College
Overheard by: jules
Grungy middle-aged man: I’m picking my nose! I’m picking my nose!
–St. Mark’s & 3rd Ave
Chick #1: Where’s your tooth?
Chick #2: In my shoe.
–18th & 4th
Chick: She’s a little angry right now.
Guy: Who, my mom or your cooch?
–4 train
Overheard by: Rachie
