Party girl #1: My hands have always been the biggest of the group.
Party girl #2: Yea… So?
Party girl #1: If I had a wiener it would be huge.
–2 Train
Overheard by: Rich
Party girl #1: My hands have always been the biggest of the group.
Party girl #2: Yea… So?
Party girl #1: If I had a wiener it would be huge.
–2 Train
Overheard by: Rich
Bum walking dog, singing: Tired of looking for love in all the wrong places, ejaculating on all the wrong faces…
–72nd St & Columbus
Overheard by: Asset
Drugged-up guy singing a song to girls on subway platform, to the tune of "Earth Angel": Earth angel, earth angel, would you be mine? Earth angel, earth angel, would someone loan me money so I can bribe her to take me hoooome…
–Union Square Platform
Overheard by: Thankfully not an earth angel
Cop #1, singing to cop #2: Look at me, I’m Sandra Dee..!
–6th Ave & Waverly
Overheard by: Jatmos
Blind panhandler, singing: Can’t take my eyes off of you…
–R Train
Young hobo, singing: Gimme some money, bitch, I need a fuckin’ pen, so I can write a sign…
–St Mark’s Place
Greyhound bus driver: We’re pulling up to Port Authority now. [Sings] My Greyhound brings all the boys to the yard, and they’re like, it’s better than yours, damn right, it’s better than yours, I can teach you, but I have to charge. La la la la la- New York City! La la la la la -almost there.
–Geyhound, Port Authority
Overheard by: carly, gina, and jenna
Sleazy guy: I love going to my dentist, the new one. The hygienist holds my hand while they’re giving me a shot. She talks to me. She pets me like a chinchilla. It’s fantastic.
–Elevator, 360 Park Avenue South
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Old man with pet lizard: Thirty-four years ago we got married. She had dental coverage. It’s very easy to find a girl with medical coverage… Dental, not so easy.
–77th St & 37th Ave, Jackson Heights
Overheard by: Gail Montemayor
Blonde tween: they usually take out 2 teeth before they put on the braces. They took 4 of mine. It felt great! I wanted ’em to take all of mine and be all gums.
–D Train
Overheard by: Going to keep those wisdom teeth a bit longer
Girl on cell: So I was able to brush my teeth without feeling like I was going to puke.
–77th and 2nd
Cleaning woman on cell phone: She is a butterface. You know, everything’s lookin’ good but her face. Her body is nice, but she has some ugly-ass, skanky ass face. I told her she ain’t gonna get no man without any teeth in her face. I told her she’s gotta get some nice grilles put all up in there.
–Atlantic Mall
Overheard by: jsillyfun
Ghetto girl spouting knowledge to friend: Sometimes, you just gotta bite your teeth, and turn the other head…
–4 train
Guy on acid: I can’t get the taste of teeth out of my mouth!
–Riverside Park
Overheard by: LSB
Asian girl: O-M-G, did you try the bull’s penis?! Was it big?!
Asian guy #1: Yeah, it was pretty nasty.
Asian girl, pointing to Asian guy #2: Oooh, he tried the cow’s tongue!
Asian guy #2: Uh, can we not talk about that?
–Famous Pizza, Kisseria Blvd, Flushing, Queens
Overheard by: Sajel
Headline by: KatieNB
Runners-Up:
· “Everybody Knows All the Best Asian Sex Clubs Are in Queens” – PeterG
· “Eww, He Ate the Tongue That Licked the Bull Penis That I Ate! That’s Like Hooking Up Indirectly.” – Whoscawatziz
· “Fear Factor Here = Food Network Over There” – Jimmy
· “One’s a Lifestyle Choice, the Other’s Just Sick” – Gerald Lanning
· “Penis, It’s What’s For Dinner!” – DR G LUV
Umpire: Foul ball. It hit her in the box.
Teammate of batter: No it didn’t, it hit her in the stomach.
–Riverside Park
Overheard by: Ramrod
Girl #1: So, I watched that movie Thirteen the other night. It was awesome.
Girl #2: Yeah, that was a really good movie. The girls in that movie were so mature for 13-year-olds. When I was 13, I didn’t even know what an ovary was!
–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
Suit on cell: Yeah, man, I’m so jealous. I mean, my holes have been full for years!
–Times Square
Overheard by: biting my tongue
Suit: I just met you. I can call you an asshole.
–Livingston St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Sean McGurr
Suit: Are you listening to me?! The Projects are not natural!
–125th St
Overheard by: Kerry & Bob
Suit: … So then I grabbed the vise-grips and got him by the lips…
–59th & Lex
Overheard by: I really hope he was talking about a fish
Suit on cell: … So he was going to build this underground tunnel to the road from his house. Like, an escape tunnel thing. No, he sold the street-legal side and handles the government contracting. Well, he couldn’t get the zoning for a tunnel, so he’s building a retractable bridge.
–55th & Park
Suit: I hate getting buzzed in the afternoon. It makes me feel like a craven bastard.
–Liberty & Broadway
Overheard by: Mondo Man
Man: It just got to the point that if I took another bite, it would explode all over me, so I shoved the whole thing in my mouth. [Woman eating ice cream cone snickers.]
–Central Park
Man: How’s this?
Woman: Like that, but way more sequins. It’s got to catch the eye!
–Kohl’s, Bay Parkway, Brooklyn
Girl #1: I wanna see that show Kyle XY, because he doesn’t have a belly button. I wanna know what he is.
Girl #2: Maybe he’s a sperm.
–96th & Riverside
Overheard by: ovaries
