Drunk man: Hey, is this Penn Station?
Woman: No, this is Grand Central. It’s hard to get from the East side to the West side.
Drunk man: Yeah, it’s exactly like being in Hell.
–Grand Central
Drunk man: Hey, is this Penn Station?
Woman: No, this is Grand Central. It’s hard to get from the East side to the West side.
Drunk man: Yeah, it’s exactly like being in Hell.
–Grand Central
Mom: Okay, sweetie, time to get you home.
Drunk daughter: Shut the fuck up, Mom! You’re drunk, you stupid whore!
–Bedford Ave
Conductor: Yo, you gotta get off here — he doesn’t get to ride for free.
Drunk fireman in uniform: Oh, yeah? Well, I hope your house burns down with you in it, and nope — I won’t save you!
–LIRR
Semi-sober girl: You going home to sleep it off?
Drunk girl: I’m gonna go home and make love to my bed… Make little cots…
–Bar, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: tea
Dude: So, what did you do?
Hung-over girl: I was really embarrassed at first and I tried to hide it. Then I was like, ‘Fuck it, yeah, I peed in your bed.’
–Restaurant, Chelsea
Guy #1: Dude, I think I’m finally starting to sober up.
Guy #2: How can you tell?
Guy #1: Because all of a sudden I can do square roots in my head again.
–Dorm elevator, Columbia University
Overheard by: Jessica
Drunk girl #1: No, no, no, man. Picture it: we’ll be like the Disney characters in Disney, but not Disney characters… I think it’s a great idea.
Drunk girl #2: Are you sure?
Drunk girl #1: Yeah. All Disney but without the horror tower thing!
–D train
Overheard by: trin trin
Drunk girl: I had sex with someone I didn’t know tonight.
Passing boy: Yeah, college!
Drunk girl: Don’t judge me!
–116th & Broadway
Drunk babe #1: I am definitely not going to have sex with him. He fucks a bitch from New Jersey.
Drunk babe #2: Oh, well, then maybe you shouldn’t have sex with him.
Drunk babe #1: I know, right? They have their own, like, breeds of STDs out in fucking Jersey.
–Outside Soho Grand Hotel
Overheard by: Drunk Guy
Hardhat #1: I tell you what, I’m going to need a fucking beer tonight.
Hardhat #2: … You just had one.
–6th Ave
