Dude: So, what did you do?
Hung-over girl: I was really embarrassed at first and I tried to hide it. Then I was like, ‘Fuck it, yeah, I peed in your bed.’
–Restaurant, Chelsea
Dude: So, what did you do?
Hung-over girl: I was really embarrassed at first and I tried to hide it. Then I was like, ‘Fuck it, yeah, I peed in your bed.’
–Restaurant, Chelsea
Guy #1: Dude, I think I’m finally starting to sober up.
Guy #2: How can you tell?
Guy #1: Because all of a sudden I can do square roots in my head again.
–Dorm elevator, Columbia University
Overheard by: Jessica
Drunk girl #1: No, no, no, man. Picture it: we’ll be like the Disney characters in Disney, but not Disney characters… I think it’s a great idea.
Drunk girl #2: Are you sure?
Drunk girl #1: Yeah. All Disney but without the horror tower thing!
–D train
Overheard by: trin trin
Drunk girl: I had sex with someone I didn’t know tonight.
Passing boy: Yeah, college!
Drunk girl: Don’t judge me!
–116th & Broadway
Drunk babe #1: I am definitely not going to have sex with him. He fucks a bitch from New Jersey.
Drunk babe #2: Oh, well, then maybe you shouldn’t have sex with him.
Drunk babe #1: I know, right? They have their own, like, breeds of STDs out in fucking Jersey.
–Outside Soho Grand Hotel
Overheard by: Drunk Guy
Hardhat #1: I tell you what, I’m going to need a fucking beer tonight.
Hardhat #2: … You just had one.
–6th Ave
Drunk girl: The other thing you should know about me is I have a raw fucking pussy.
Drunk guy, holding her hand: Yeah? Good.
–St. Mark’s & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Bex
Drunk chick #1, laughing hysterically: Okay, let’s come up with a code word to say every time we see one of them. Something really random, like… shoelace.
Drunk chick #2: Julius?
Drunk chick #1, still laughing: No, shoelace. Shoelace!
Drunk chick #2: Okay. Julius. Look! There’s a Julius!
–6 train
Overheard by: quagmire
Drunk female vocalist after set: Dude… Evolution… That’s, like, the theory we come from plants and shit.
–Blue Note Jazz Club
Overheard by: Bailey
Drunken derelict, burping loudly: Give it a second and it’ll come out the other side!
–6th Ave & Waverly Pl
Drunk man: I mean, it’s ironic when you think about it. Lou Gehrig winds up dying of Lou Gehrig’s disease. Then, Dr. Atkins dies of Atkins. Think about it.
–Bar, 46th St
Drunk bum: I’m not a bum — I’m an international bill inspector. My boss sent me here to inspect your bills. Who wants to give me a hundred dollars?
–Crowded 6 train
Overheard by: Stephanie
Drunk girl: I’m not drunk yet. I can still feel my lips!
–Blagio, Queens
Overheard by: Kim
Belligerent wino: I am the government!
–Caton Ave, Brooklyn
Drunk dude: Were you in the parade just now?
Old Irish guy: You bet.
Drunk dude: That’s awesome. It seemed even more fun than the gay pride parade. But that one always freaks me out because I never know which transvestites it’s okay for me to be attracted to.
–4 train
Overheard by: Dan
