Very drunk suit: Hey, bartender! Do you know what a car bomb is?
Irish bartender: Yes, it’s Spanish for, ‘you’re an asshole.’

–3rd Ave

(Irish service elevator operator is showing new guy the ropes, delivery Thug walks in)
Operator, with Irish brogue: What’s up?
Thug: 11 C, man. (thug looks at the new guy)
Thug: You new man? Yo, I gotta ask you a question, do you drink beer?
New guy: Yup.
Thug: You drink Guinness?
New guy: Yeah, sometimes.
Thug: Alright, I gotta know, is the Guinness here different from the Guinness back home?
New guy: I am a Long Island Jew.
Thug: Shit, for real? I thought everybody who worked here was from Ireland.
(thug gets off the elevator to make delivery)
Operator: You should’ve asked him if it’s different buying food in a supermarket instead of having to chase and kill it with a spear.

–E 77th St

Asian girl: If you had a dick, do you think it would be big? I think mine would be big.
Irish girl: You’re, like, four-foot-eleven! How big could it be?
Asian girl: Oh, it would be big. What about you? Would your dick be big?
Irish girl: No.
Asian girl: But you’re tall! And you have big feet!
Irish girl: It’s the Irish curse.

–4th & 8th

Overheard by: knows what she means

Drunk dude: Were you in the parade just now?
Old Irish guy: You bet.
Drunk dude: That’s awesome. It seemed even more fun than the gay pride parade. But that one always freaks me out because I never know which transvestites it’s okay for me to be attracted to.

–4 train

Overheard by: Dan

Subway announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, please be aware that there is no V train service on the weekends… That’s V as in ‘vomit.’

–57th St station

Overheard by: heroine in iniquity

Gotti-looking girl: Yeah, and I wasn’t having a good time so she was like, ‘Why didn’t you just get drunk and throw up on him?’ and I was like, ‘Because I’m not gonna stoop to his level. I’ll just have someone break his legs.’

–LIRR Hicksville

Overheard by: Sarah

Conductor: No fighting, no throwing up.

–LIRR train

Overheard by: Kristen

Drunk frat boy: Yo, man, what’s your poison tonight? What do you feel like tasting on the way up, bro? Do you want a puke jager? Do you want a puke jager?

–PATH to Christopher St

Metal guy to friend: I’m tellin’ you, if you gotta throw up you can’t beat pancakes and syrup.

–Burger King, 34th St

Overheard by: Glad I was done eating

Irish girl: It was a great night! No one peed in the shower, no one puked in their purse… None of that ever happened!

–168th & Ft Washington Ave

Irish Guy #1: Did you see Peaches last week?
Irish Guy #2: Yeah.
Irish Guy #1: Mank. But I’d still give her the fuck.

Headline by: International Man of Leisure


· “’tis the fuck o’ the Irish” – brian brinegar

· “And also, presumably, the cream” – lauren

· “May the bitch rise up to meet your cock” – Drewster

· “Mick Wanker Dicks Mank Yank Skank” – Rod W

· “Yeah, I’d hit the pit!” – janine

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