Drunk, nearly toothless hobo #1, putting arms around unsuspecting teens: Nigga, I would like to tell you a story!
Drunk, nearly toothless hobo #2, surprising teens from other side: Listen to his story, nigga. It’s a wonderful story — listen up.
–St. Mark’s Pl & 2nd Ave
Dude: Are you sure this new guy you are seeing is the one?
Drunk girl: Definitely. I mean, we have been together since September, and I haven’t slept with another guy yet — that is huge for me! I already hooked up with all the bartenders, all the chefs, and all the sous chefs at my job.
–Yama, 17th & Irving Pl
Overheard by: kreeeeeeeeeesta
Party girl, looking at police on horses: I want to take a horse to the Upper East Side!
Jock: You’re going to the Upper East Side? Want to share a cab?
Party girl: Sure.
Jock: Want to fuck?
Party girl: Sure.
–21st & 6th
Overheard by: wish i had asked her
Drunk goth chick to couple making out: Public displays of affection cause cancer!
Man, taking a break: Really?
Drunk goth chick: No. Just jealousy.
–9th & 3rd
Drunk Brit with arm around ugly lady: Oh, Jesus, just walking is making me horny.
–10th & 2nd
Overheard by: emilia
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Your hair is making me horny.
–B train
Overheard by: Janelle
Guy in hoodie: I don’t know — rain gear just doesn’t really turn me on.
–Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ktg
Loud woman: According to recent research, a nine-month-old fetus can experience an erection.
–Bus to Staten Island
Chick on cell: … And he was, like, rubbing his erection on me, and I was like, ‘Dude, you’re rubbing your erection on me…’
–Fordham University
Lady: What are horny men doing at Build-a-Bear, anyway?
–40th & 5th
Overheard by: don’t wanna know
Chick #1: You’re not trying.
Chick #2: Yes, I am.
Drunk guy: What’s your name, beautiful?
Chick #2: I don’t have one.
–Off the Wagon bar, MacDougal
Overheard by: NYU Student
Drunk man: Hey, is this Penn Station?
Woman: No, this is Grand Central. It’s hard to get from the East side to the West side.
Drunk man: Yeah, it’s exactly like being in Hell.
–Grand Central
Mom: Okay, sweetie, time to get you home.
Drunk daughter: Shut the fuck up, Mom! You’re drunk, you stupid whore!
–Bedford Ave
Conductor: Yo, you gotta get off here — he doesn’t get to ride for free.
Drunk fireman in uniform: Oh, yeah? Well, I hope your house burns down with you in it, and nope — I won’t save you!
–LIRR
Semi-sober girl: You going home to sleep it off?
Drunk girl: I’m gonna go home and make love to my bed… Make little cots…
–Bar, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: tea
