Guy: Alright, bye, Corinne! Nice meeting you, Jess.
Jess: He was nice. How do you know him?
Corrine: … My hand smells like penis. Does your hand smell like penis?
–Outside Bleecker Street Bakery
Overheard by: mine didn’t
Guy: Alright, bye, Corinne! Nice meeting you, Jess.
Jess: He was nice. How do you know him?
Corrine: … My hand smells like penis. Does your hand smell like penis?
–Outside Bleecker Street Bakery
Overheard by: mine didn’t
Lady #1: I stopped myself from buying a snack today.
Lady #2: Oh, yeah? And how’d you do that?
Lady #1: I said, ‘Self, don’t buy a snack.’
–Ditmars-bound N train
Overheard by: Carmen
Chick: One of my compatible matches looked like he must have been captain of his Dungeons and Dragons club back in school, and he said that he recently cut off his hair and donated it to Locks of Love, which is a nice thing to do, but then I had to imagine what he would look like with this horrible ponytail…
Guy: Like a music major ponytail, or, no– an AV Squad?
Chick: Yeah, exactly. So, needless to say, I deleted that match.
Dude with long hair, beret, beard, trench coat, and glasses standing nearby: I’m going home and changing my MySpace page right now.
–4 train
Overheard by: megwal
College kid: So, your mom still threw you in the bathtub when you were 12 years old?
Unfortunate friend: Yeah. But, I was, like, a hundred pounds back then!
College kid: But dude, like, sponge bath?
Unfortunate friend, incredulously: Yeah! Like all the normal bathtub shit!
–Washington Square Park
Slacker: … So I told them, stick close behind me and I’ll get you out of this. And there was about five of them, and they stuck close behind me and I got them all out.
Slackerette: And you were Johnny-on-the-spot with my overflow toilet!
–15th & 8th
Woman #1: I hate my life… But I can’t leave my husband — I love him.
Woman #2: But your fucking husband is sleeping with three other women–
Woman #1: –I know!
–40th & 6th
Overheard by: jimbo
Woman: Why do they have to call it the ‘feminine care aisle’?
Friend: I know! Why can’t they just write ‘Tampons’?
–CVS, Park Ave South
Roommate #1: Work sucks. I’m so tired. I’m going to go to bed.
Roommate #2: Yeah, you should go to bed. You seem pretty sad, but not as sad as you’re going to be tomorrow morning.
Roommate #1: Yeah. Tomorrow’s going to suck.
Roommate #2: Hey, man, don’t worry. Tomorrow is going to be great! Good things are going to happen.
Roommate #1: Yeah, but not to us.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: Dave
Guy #1: He almost got married to a 15-hundred-dollar a night hooker!
Guy #2: Really? So, what broke the deal?
Guy #1: He found out she was a 15-hundred-dollar a night hooker.
Guy #2: He wasn’t paying her the whole time?
Guy #1: Naw, he was getting it for free!
Guy #2: Awesome.
–122nd & Broadway
Girl: You wanna know something really, really, really fucked up?
Guy: What? Having sex with people?
–Mercer & Greene
Overheard by: waphle
