Man: You keep two guns under your pillow?
Friend: One for the missus.
–St. Mark’s & 1st
Overheard by: Sofar
Man: You keep two guns under your pillow?
Friend: One for the missus.
–St. Mark’s & 1st
Overheard by: Sofar
Girl: Ew, look… I hate midgets.
Guy: But what about primordial dwarfs? You love them.
Girl: That’s because they’re in proportion.
–49th & 3rd
Girl: … So if it’s green we’ll know.
Guy: I once shit green.
Girl: Me, too.
–E 7th St
Guy: Alright, bye, Corinne! Nice meeting you, Jess.
Jess: He was nice. How do you know him?
Corrine: … My hand smells like penis. Does your hand smell like penis?
–Outside Bleecker Street Bakery
Overheard by: mine didn’t
Lady #1: I stopped myself from buying a snack today.
Lady #2: Oh, yeah? And how’d you do that?
Lady #1: I said, ‘Self, don’t buy a snack.’
–Ditmars-bound N train
Overheard by: Carmen
Chick: One of my compatible matches looked like he must have been captain of his Dungeons and Dragons club back in school, and he said that he recently cut off his hair and donated it to Locks of Love, which is a nice thing to do, but then I had to imagine what he would look like with this horrible ponytail…
Guy: Like a music major ponytail, or, no– an AV Squad?
Chick: Yeah, exactly. So, needless to say, I deleted that match.
Dude with long hair, beret, beard, trench coat, and glasses standing nearby: I’m going home and changing my MySpace page right now.
–4 train
Overheard by: megwal
College kid: So, your mom still threw you in the bathtub when you were 12 years old?
Unfortunate friend: Yeah. But, I was, like, a hundred pounds back then!
College kid: But dude, like, sponge bath?
Unfortunate friend, incredulously: Yeah! Like all the normal bathtub shit!
–Washington Square Park
Slacker: … So I told them, stick close behind me and I’ll get you out of this. And there was about five of them, and they stuck close behind me and I got them all out.
Slackerette: And you were Johnny-on-the-spot with my overflow toilet!
–15th & 8th
Woman #1: I hate my life… But I can’t leave my husband — I love him.
Woman #2: But your fucking husband is sleeping with three other women–
Woman #1: –I know!
–40th & 6th
Overheard by: jimbo
Woman: Why do they have to call it the ‘feminine care aisle’?
Friend: I know! Why can’t they just write ‘Tampons’?
–CVS, Park Ave South
