Guy #1: Have you done the naked yoga thing?
Guy #2: No, not yet.
Girl: I have to imagine that’s a little dangerous for a guy.
Guy #1: No, it’s okay. The cock pretty much knows where to go.
Girl: Not in my experience.
–19th & 3rd
Guy #1: Have you done the naked yoga thing?
Guy #2: No, not yet.
Girl: I have to imagine that’s a little dangerous for a guy.
Guy #1: No, it’s okay. The cock pretty much knows where to go.
Girl: Not in my experience.
–19th & 3rd
Dude: Yeah, I put Tiger Balm on my testicles and it felt like a million breathing elves.
Chick: Oooh, minty! That must have been nice.
Dude: Oh, no — like fire-breathing elves.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Pengasaurus X
Balding Rangers fan #1: The only piece of furniture left in the house was a stuffed penguin.
Balding Rangers fan #2: A stuffed penguin is not a piece of furniture.
–Metro-North, New Haven Line
Overheard by: M Tod
Queer: Oh my god, he fucked me so hard last night.
Friend: Wait — how hard?
Queer: Like, he literally fucked the shit out of me. He, like, knocked my tooth out and then I swallowed it when I gave him head. And then the next day I had to shit out the tooth.
Friend: Oh my god.
–114th & Amsterdam
Dude: Great! Now let’s go break your face!
Chick: Tom, I need a more positive kind of support right now…
–MacDougal & Washington Pl
Guy #1: So, I heard this blowjob technique that sounds pretty cool, but I don’t know how to tell my girlfriend without sounding pushy.
Guy #2: Well, maybe I could do it for you.
Guy #1: Dude… That’s gay.
Guy #2: No! I meant I could tell your girlfriend for you, not do it to you!
Guy #1: Oh… Well, that’s just awkward, then.
–A train
Blonde: Because, you know, we travel so well together.
Brunette: Yeah, and this time I won’t be having anxiety attacks.
Blonde: And this time I won’t be trying to sleep with you.
–Kodama Sushi
Guy lugging large suitcases: Well, see ya.
Girl, crossing street away from him: Fine! Leave me! Don’t get sunburnt!
Guy: Don’t get pregnant!
–NYU
Overheard by: Crossing My Fingers
Dude #1: Hey… So, did the baby come out?
Dude #2: No, it decided to stay in a little longer.
–Union Square
Guy: Man, sandwiches are good.
Chick: You know, like, sandwiches are the best thing since ‘Nam.
–Deli, 120th & Amsterdam
