Guy #1: Sounds like she really misses you.
Guy #2: Yeah, she does, but what am I supposed to do? If you’re not happy, you’re not happy. What? Am I supposed to suffer just to make her happy? I’m not Jesus.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Vivek
Guy #1: Sounds like she really misses you.
Guy #2: Yeah, she does, but what am I supposed to do? If you’re not happy, you’re not happy. What? Am I supposed to suffer just to make her happy? I’m not Jesus.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Vivek
Guy: There’s a lot of lucky lesbian couples that are going to have kids that look like me.
Girl: …Dude, that’s gross!
–34th & 7th
Overheard by: M. Ducheine
Ladies’ man #1: So just bang her out, then.
Ladies’ man #2: After what she did to me, I don’t think I can just give that to her.
Ladies’ man #1: The man always has the upper hand — you should just bang her out and then call her the next day and be like, ‘Hey, do you have any cute friends you could hook me up with?’ You know, make her feel like shit.
–Uptown A train
Overheard by: JD
Court officer #1: I saw this show on Animal Planet last night. There’s this fish called a cichlid — the female takes her eggs in her mouth and then she nibbles the male’s fin until he shoots sperm into her mouth and then she swallows it to fertilize her eggs.
Court officer #2: Where can I get one of these cichlids?
–Livingston & Smith, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Larry
Frat boy #1: Dude, are you Karl Marx?
Frat boy #2: Nah, bro. I’m a porn star.
–5th Ave, Brooklyn
NYU student #1: I think our degrees will definitely appreciate in value over our lifetimes.
NYU student #2: Yeah, dude, especially when the rest of the world is destroyed and New York becomes Mega City One.
–Juan MacLean concert, Union Square
Overheard by: deke shearon
Hipster #1: I’ve always wanted to taste people-meat, you know?
Hipster #2: What? Dude, that’s sick!
Hipster #1: No, I mean, like baked or fried. Like, maybe we taste like chicken, you know?
Hipster #2: Nah, man.
Hipster #1: I don’t know. Just to say I did it.
Hipster #2: Yeah, I guess.
–15th & 2nd
Overheard by: Jane
Chick #1: Would you go somewhere just to spite someone?
Chick #2: Oh, yeah. I mean, I wouldn’t, but people could go somewhere just to spite someone.
Dude: I would totally go somewhere to spite someone.
–Elevator, 57th & Lexington
Overheard by: Chris H.
Chick: So how was the baby shower?
Guy: It was nice. My mother decorated it — there were hanging diapers everywhere and shit. It was cute.
–N train
Overheard by: tanechka
Old lady: Are you getting off at this stop?
Guy: The train hasn’t stopped yet.
Old lady: I know, but I want to be ready when it does.
Guy: Don’t worry, you’ll be ready.
Old lady: Yeah, but you’re a lot bigger than I am.
Guy: I’m not going to block the door.
Old lady: Yeah, but I’m carrying a lot heavier bags than you are.
Guy: You should get a cart.
Old lady: You should get a donkey!
Guy: A donkey? I’ll consider it.
–N Train approaching Queensboro Bridge
Overheard by: Laughing N Train
