Guy #1 looking at picture of Santa Claus 3: Dude, that’s Aquaman!
Guy #2: No, that’s Jack Frost.
Guy #1: No, it totally looks like Aquaman.
Guy #2: No, it doesn’t!
Guy #1: It’s gotta be him.
Guy #2: Why would Santa Claus be fighting Aquaman? Why the hell would he be fighting Aquaman?
–4th floor Hunter North, Hunter College
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Guy #1: You know Frank Zappa, right?
Guy #2: Not personally.
Guy #1: Well, he’s dead, but you know who he is?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: Well, you know his song, ‘Suzie Creamcheese’? Apparently, my dad fucked Suzie Creamcheese.
Guy #2: For real, or just in his head, like an old-guy fantasy?
Guy #1: For real — I have it from two different sources.
–Downtown 6 train
Overheard by: thew
Girl: He was wearing a t-shirt that said ‘My Jewish Mother Gave Me Two Options: Law school or Medical school.’
Guy: I like that. I should make a shirt for my friend that says ‘My Irish Catholic Mother Gave Me Two Options: Marry the Asshole Who Knocked Me Up and Live a Life of Alcoholic Domestic Violence or Join the Sisters of Saint Ignatius.’ ‘Cause clearly she chose neither.
Girl: What do you mean?
Guy: She said, ‘To hell with this religious bullshit,’ had an abortion, got her MBA, and is now a Junior VP at a Midtown PR firm.
Girl: Are you trying to say that religion is bullshit?
Guy, patting girl on head: No, sweetie. You go find yourself that guy wearing the Jewish mother t-shirt and you’ll be fine.
–R train
Guy: I like Kevin Costner.
Girl: Me too, but I have a vagina, which makes it okay.
–54th & 9th
Overheard by: Trying to sleep
Chick: Your window of opportunity with me is really small. This is New York, you know? Hot people are a dime a dozen.
Guy: Yeah, okay…
Chick: But I’m in no hurry, by any means.
Guy: That’s a good place to be. I’m not about seriousness at all. I take everybody as they are. I’m just trying to get laid.
Chick: Aw, it’s so hard to find someone hot and smart who also has a good heart.
Guy: Totally.
Chick: I’m a total hippie.
Guy: That’s a good thing.
Chick: So say we bang…
–Starbucks, Union Square
Guy #1: Taking family members on a sex safari is not a good idea.
Guy #2: It was hardly a sex safari, idiot. I just took my brother to a massage parlor.
–Broadway & Canal
Guy #1: It could be worse.
Guy #2: Worse? How?
Guy #1: Newark.
Guy #2: Newark… Right. I see your point.
–Duane Reade, 8th & Broadway
Guy #1: So what’s the deal with that chick who was talking to you?
Guy #2: Well, I think she’s absolutely atrocious. But yeah, I’d hit that.
–The Joshua Tree, Murray Hill
White guy #1 as stray dog passes by: Oh, that dog looks vicious… And hungry.
White guy #2: Well, I hope it does not like white meat — only dark meat.
White guy #1: Yeah.
–Staten Island
Overheard by: Dark Meat
Man #1: How was your weekend?
Man #2: Shitty.
Man #1: Well… When did you first suspect your mother was gay?
Man #2: I don’t wanna talk about it, okay?
–Union Square
