Girl: Boys never use the stalls, do they?
Boyfriend: I do. I don’t want anyone to see my 10-inch penis.
Girl: 10 centimeters.
Boyfriend: Aren’t inches bigger than centimeters? I think so. 10 inches.
Girl: You’re sleeping on the couch tonight.
–Roseland Ballroom
Guy: So, how many did you get?
Girl: Ummm… 10.
Guy: Oh, you mean a retard’s dozen? I know, it’s a new low. Even for me.
–Bagel Maven, 7th Ave
Overheard by: Genevieve
Dude #1: So it’s 5:30 and it doesn’t start until 7:00. That gives us two and a half hours.
Chick: An hour and a half.
Dude #2: Here’s the former English major telling the med school student how to do math.
–Madison Square Garden
Guy: Hey Beautiful, where you from?
Girl: Sao Paulo.
Guy: Oh yeah… Europe, right? Ain’t that where they make Absolut?
–38th & 7th
Overheard by: Mark Keller
Guy: ‘Live Girls’? The girls in the picture don’t look like sexy girls.
Chick: You’re right.
Guy: I mean, she looks mad. The black one? She looks like she wants to punch somebody. She looks like that guy from Seinfeld just said something about her.
–Urban Stages
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Herbal tea guy: Dude, caffeine is like, bad for you. It’s like a drug.
Espresso guy: Dude, it is a drug.
Herbal tea guy: Then you should stop ragging on people for doing coke.
–Starbucks, 114th & Broadway
Guy #1: What is wrong with this district?
Guy #2: I know! Every store is a liquor store.
Guy #1: There should be district liquor summer camps or something.
Headline by: Menzer
Runners-Up:
· “An excerpt from “The History of Catholic Camp”” – Manda
· “But that’s what New Jersey’s for!” – cinekat
· “Captain Morgan gains close victory in district 7, narrowly beating Corporal Cocaine and Major Methamphetamine.” – Victor
· “I Don’t Want to Know What You Did Last Summer” – Laura
· “I’m going for the “Finding a Bruise of Unknown Origin” Merit Badge” – Syd O
· “Kumbaya with a twist” – danny
· “Southern Comfort Proudly Sponsors Boy Scout Troop 741” – Bevan
· “With Sailing Lessons from Captain Morgan” – Greene
· “Wyoming is way ahead of you.” – Merk
Dude: He’s a big dude.
Lady: Even big dudes have sensitive nuts.
–Pace University
Undergrad #1: I think business is, like, so boring.
Undergrad #2: Yeah, well, I think history is, like, so redundant.
–Bathroom, Pace University
Angry guy: I can’t believe they put up fucking scaffolding on my building!
Friend: What’s the big deal?
Angry guy: Once they put it up, it never comes down. And you never see anyone ever working on it.
Friend: It’s just scaffolding. Dude, you need to get laid.
–5th Ave & 12th St
