Hipster chick: Fuck off — I already told you girls don’t poop. Especially not this one. [Boyfriend looks at her with puppy dog eyes.] And no, you cannot put your penis up there to find out. I am not having this conversation before I meet your mother.
–Norfolk & Rivington
Overheard by: edith
Intellectual white guy: Happy Cinco de Mayo!
White hipster girl: Thanks! Did I mention I fucked a black guy last night?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: J Dizzle, attorney at large
Hipster chick: I have to start a new band… But this time, no sleeping with everyone.
Hipster guy: That’s going to be hard for you.
Hipster chick: I know. I have a hard time keeping it in my pants.
–14th & 5th, Park Slope
Young hipster: Remember that guy you used to work with — Carl?
Young suit: Yeah, I always hated that guy.
Young hipster: I saw him the other night, and he was telling me he was going to get ‘Hopeless romantic’ tattooed on his knuckles. I was like, ‘Dude, you cheated on your girlfriend and you have a pending rape case — maybe you shouldn’t get that tattoo.’
–N train
Flabby hipster #1: She had that anorexic fuzz on her neck.
Flabby hipster #2: Ew!
Flabby hipster #3: No, that’s bulimic fuzz.
Flabby hipster #1: It’s for both.
Flabby hipster #2: That is gross. You would think that having that fuzz would be some incentive to eat.
–F train
Hipsterette #1: I just don’t know what to do!
Hipsterette #2: Just be an artist, baby. Paint it out. Paint all your emotions out.
–S 1st & Havemeyer, Williamsburg
Hipster to sobbing girl: Hey, do you want some pizza? Come on, I’ll buy you a slice of pizza. [She keeps crying.] Vegan pizza?
–N 7th & Bedford
French hipster girl: I got allergies in New York.
Hipster boy: How can you tell they’re allergies and not a cold? I mean, it’s winter.
French hipster girl: Well, I know because the back of my thong is itchy.
–JFK
Hipster chick: Hey, what do you do when Pikachu won’t get on a bus?
Thug: I dunno.
Hipster chick: You poke him on! Get it? Like Pokemon?
Thug: No, then he would thunderstrike you.
Hipster chick: [Silence.]Thug: He’s an electric type, you know?
–M14D bus, 1st Ave
Overheard by: melanie
Hipster guy: The Trekkies have yet to produce their own serial murderer.
Hipster girl: Yeah, that we know about…
–St. Mark’s Pl & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: The Doifter
