Mom: What are those?
Daughter: Sour Patch Kids.
Mom: Can I have one?
Daughter: No.
Mom: Why not?
Daughter: I paid for them.
Mom: And I gave you life. Now give me one.
–Near NYU
Overheard by: Nicole
Mom: What are those?
Daughter: Sour Patch Kids.
Mom: Can I have one?
Daughter: No.
Mom: Why not?
Daughter: I paid for them.
Mom: And I gave you life. Now give me one.
–Near NYU
Overheard by: Nicole
Black belt girl: My father is a doctor.
Green belt boy: Wow! My dad is an ex-doctor!
Black belt girl: Ex?
Green belt boy: Yeah, he used to practice medicine. Now he just practices substance abuse.
–Martial arts school, Bronx
Overheard by: Oh, I practice that, too
Little girl in line: I can’t take this anymore. I’m going shopping [walks off to clothing store].
Mother: Whatever.
–Wo Hop restaurant
Overheard by: Cran
Little boy: Daddy, Daddy! I’m a pickle!
Father: I’m happy for ya, kid, but I need some coffee.
–Deli, Staten Island
Misguided dad: Honey, what’s wrong?
Little girl frantically grabbing at crotch: I… I… I have a bubble and I’m trying to pop it — right here!
Misguided dad, laughing hysterically: Sweetie, that’s just a queef.
–14th & 6th
Grandma: You wanna hear a funny joke?
Boy: Okay.
Grandma: What’s yellow and smells?
Boy: Daddy?
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Hamlet
Little kid: It burns! It burns! [Pauses when a lady tells him to be quiet, then] It burns! It burns! It burns!
–Bx9 bus
Overheard by: Krisztina
Mom: Do you want to watch Over the Hedge when we get home?
Four-year-old boy: Yeah! But we can’t have popcorn. We already had popcorn today and it would be too much salt.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Dahlia
Boy #1: Polar bears don’t melt in water!
Boy #2: Yeah, they do. They swim in it and they disappear.
Boy #1: Wow, really?
–LIRR
Seven-year-old boy holding single color construction paper: Dad, we need to get this.
Father: You’re gonna need more colors than that. There are a lot of planets, and they’re all different colors.
Nine-year-old daughter: Well, we don’t need to worry about Pluto. It’s not a planet anymore.
Father: How can it not be a planet anymore? What, did Superman fly out there and blow it up?
–Michael’s craft store, Northern Blvd, Queens
