Man: Hey! I didn’t expect to see you here.
Woman: Just gotta find a quick read.
Man: Wow. I didn’t know hookers could read.
Woman: Yeah… I gotta do something while you fuck me.
–Barnes & Noble, 86th & Lex
Man: Hey! I didn’t expect to see you here.
Woman: Just gotta find a quick read.
Man: Wow. I didn’t know hookers could read.
Woman: Yeah… I gotta do something while you fuck me.
–Barnes & Noble, 86th & Lex
Chick #1: What is in that thing?
Chick #2: It’s cantaloupe-infused vodka.
Chick #1: What, the meat?
Chick #1: Look! There are crocodiles in the lake!
Chick #2: No, there aren’t.
Chick #1: Yes, I just saw its nostrils poking out.
–The Boathouse, Central Park
Overheard by: Elyse
Tourist dad: So, if you had two hundred dollars and you could spend it in the city any way you wanted to, what would you–
Small boy: –I’d buy roasted peanuts.
Tourist dad: What? No. Not peanuts.
Small boy: Why not? If it’s my money, I’m gonna spend it on peanuts!
Tourist dad, annoyed: Fine, you can get the damn peanuts. What would you do with the rest of the money?
Small boy, thinking: Well, that would leave me with… about a hundred and ninety dollars?
Tourist dad: No way. You are not buying 10-dollar roasted peanuts.
–Broadway
Overheard by: amused pedestrian
Dude: Dude, the Thirty Years War ended four hundred years ago! Get over it!
–63rd and York
Overheard by: John Bardes
Amateur historian: The English people that lived on the Island respected her because she is Italian, and the English respect Italians because they respected the Romans.
–Penn Station
Italian woman #1: He looks like a sand digger!
Italian woman #2: What’s that, like a bug?
Italian woman #1: No, you know, a sand digger.
Italian woman #2: What’s that?
Italian woman #1: A camel jockey! That’s what people in Bay Ridge call them, sand diggers, because they are always shoveling sand in the desert.
–John & Pearl
Girl #1: Was he a virgin?
Girl #2: Yeah, I think so.
Girl #1: I bet. He totally needed a new haircut.
–Uptown Lounge, 3rd Avenue
Drunk girl #1: I have so many beads.
Drunk girl #2: Stop showing your tits!
Drunk girl #1: I can’t!
–Mars 2112 ladies’ room, 51st & Broadway
Overheard by: Lauren Lerner
Teen guy #1: Well, I’m French.
Teen girl: I’m German.
Teen guy #2: Well, I’m from Spain so I guess we’re all from Europe.
Teen guy #1: Spain isn’t in Europe.
Teen girl: Dude, yes it is. Europe is like its own continent.
Teen guy #1: I was talking about Europe the country, not that little
island with England on it.
–McDonalds, St. Marks & 3rd
Overheard by: Katherine Gnadinger
A tourist stops in front of the Free Stress Test table.
Tourist lady: How much for the stress test?
Scientologist guy: 8 bucks.
–Times Square station
Drunk guy: Excuse me, Miss, I’m askin’… I want to kiss your ass! Just the left cheek!
–8th Ave & W 55th St
Overheard by: Fred Daubert
Canadian guy: The first kiss’ll be at the altar.
–Uptown 6 train
Loudmouth on cell: Yeah man, and then, like, I was kissing her, and then I like, just started dancing with her. We were dancing, man. And then I picked her up, and she beat the crap out of me, and I had to put her down. Yeah, man. But she was a fuckin’ awesome kisser.
–NYU
Overheard by: lucy in the sky with diamonds
Girl on cell: I can’t remember the last time we kissed on the mouth, can you?
–43rd & Lex
Ghetto chick leaving after fight with boyfriend: Kiss my ass. No, kiss my pussy while it’s bleeding, like you used to.
–Washington Heights
Girl on cell: He said he wouldn’t leave until I kissed him… so I kissed him while I was on the toilet!
–115th St & Manhattan Ave
Overheard by: Melissa Berry
