Older lady: Oh, Dwight, I know! I know!
Older gentleman: Yes, and the costumes looked like they were designed by homosexual children!
Older lady: Haha!! Homosexual children!
Older gentleman: Not even full-grown ones!
–New York City Opera’s production of Semele
Overheard by: bisexual opera student
Guy #1: Your car is totally Jewish.
Guy #2: My car is not Jewish. My car is a Jew hater.
–10th & Hudson
Indie girl: Defeatism is my Friendster.
–2nd Avenue
Overheard by: Sparkle Shortz
Man: Hey! I didn’t expect to see you here.
Woman: Just gotta find a quick read.
Man: Wow. I didn’t know hookers could read.
Woman: Yeah… I gotta do something while you fuck me.
–Barnes & Noble, 86th & Lex
Chick #1: What is in that thing?
Chick #2: It’s cantaloupe-infused vodka.
Chick #1: What, the meat?
Chick #1: Look! There are crocodiles in the lake!
Chick #2: No, there aren’t.
Chick #1: Yes, I just saw its nostrils poking out.
–The Boathouse, Central Park
Overheard by: Elyse
Tourist dad: So, if you had two hundred dollars and you could spend it in the city any way you wanted to, what would you–
Small boy: –I’d buy roasted peanuts.
Tourist dad: What? No. Not peanuts.
Small boy: Why not? If it’s my money, I’m gonna spend it on peanuts!
Tourist dad, annoyed: Fine, you can get the damn peanuts. What would you do with the rest of the money?
Small boy, thinking: Well, that would leave me with… about a hundred and ninety dollars?
Tourist dad: No way. You are not buying 10-dollar roasted peanuts.
–Broadway
Overheard by: amused pedestrian
Dude: Dude, the Thirty Years War ended four hundred years ago! Get over it!
–63rd and York
Overheard by: John Bardes
Amateur historian: The English people that lived on the Island respected her because she is Italian, and the English respect Italians because they respected the Romans.
–Penn Station
Italian woman #1: He looks like a sand digger!
Italian woman #2: What’s that, like a bug?
Italian woman #1: No, you know, a sand digger.
Italian woman #2: What’s that?
Italian woman #1: A camel jockey! That’s what people in Bay Ridge call them, sand diggers, because they are always shoveling sand in the desert.
–John & Pearl
Girl #1: Was he a virgin?
Girl #2: Yeah, I think so.
Girl #1: I bet. He totally needed a new haircut.
–Uptown Lounge, 3rd Avenue
Drunk girl #1: I have so many beads.
Drunk girl #2: Stop showing your tits!
Drunk girl #1: I can’t!
–Mars 2112 ladies’ room, 51st & Broadway
Overheard by: Lauren Lerner
