Black guy: Two for Akeelah.
German girlfriend: What? What are you buying? Two kilos for what?
Black guy: No. Akeelah.
German girlfriend: I don’t understand. Two kilos of what? That makes no sense.
Black guy, rolling his eyes: No! Akeelah! Akeelah!. Akeelah! Two for Akeelah!
German girlfriend: I still don’t understand.
Black guy: Akeelah and the frickin’ Bee!!!
German girlfriend: OHHHHH!
–Union Square Stadium 14, Broadway & 13th
Friend: So how was your date?
Woman: Oh my gosh it was amazing!! The best I ever had! It was cosmic!
Friend: On the first date? Wow!
Woman: I know! It was the best veal Parmesan I have ever had!
–5th Ave
Dude: biotch. Spelled b-y-o-c . . . some shit like that. It’s Chinese.
–116 & Broadway
Suit #1: You know what movie they’re filming over there?
Suit #2: I think it’s a snuff film.
–Maiden & Water
Overheard by: Angry Oscillations
Older lady: Oh, Dwight, I know! I know!
Older gentleman: Yes, and the costumes looked like they were designed by homosexual children!
Older lady: Haha!! Homosexual children!
Older gentleman: Not even full-grown ones!
–New York City Opera’s production of Semele
Overheard by: bisexual opera student
Guy #1: Your car is totally Jewish.
Guy #2: My car is not Jewish. My car is a Jew hater.
–10th & Hudson
Indie girl: Defeatism is my Friendster.
–2nd Avenue
Overheard by: Sparkle Shortz
Man: Hey! I didn’t expect to see you here.
Woman: Just gotta find a quick read.
Man: Wow. I didn’t know hookers could read.
Woman: Yeah… I gotta do something while you fuck me.
–Barnes & Noble, 86th & Lex
Chick #1: What is in that thing?
Chick #2: It’s cantaloupe-infused vodka.
Chick #1: What, the meat?
Chick #1: Look! There are crocodiles in the lake!
Chick #2: No, there aren’t.
Chick #1: Yes, I just saw its nostrils poking out.
–The Boathouse, Central Park
Overheard by: Elyse
Tourist dad: So, if you had two hundred dollars and you could spend it in the city any way you wanted to, what would you–
Small boy: –I’d buy roasted peanuts.
Tourist dad: What? No. Not peanuts.
Small boy: Why not? If it’s my money, I’m gonna spend it on peanuts!
Tourist dad, annoyed: Fine, you can get the damn peanuts. What would you do with the rest of the money?
Small boy, thinking: Well, that would leave me with… about a hundred and ninety dollars?
Tourist dad: No way. You are not buying 10-dollar roasted peanuts.
–Broadway
Overheard by: amused pedestrian
