Manhattan

Guy: Now, you know I want Tarzan the Musical to be a giant flop, but…

–54th & Broadway

Ghetto teen, watching Sutton Foster sing “You’ve Got Possibilities” from It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane, It’s Superman!, the musical: Maybe these crackers be famous, but it’s Broadway. This shit sucks.

–Central Park

Overheard by: warren freeman

Tourist chick, on cell: On Wednesday, we’re going to see The DirectorsThe DirectorsThe Directors. C’mon, you know, The Directors! Oh, I mean The Producers!

–Sidestreet Saloon, Staten Island

Overheard by: Johnny Drongo

Teen boy #1: Did you ever do that in Grand Theft Auto?
Teen boy #2: Yes. It’s fucking nuts. Nuts as in testicles.

–207th & Broadway

Little kid: Mommy…Mommmmmyyyyyy! I have got to poop!
Mom: Would you please just crap in your pants and quit screaming about it already!

–9th between 1st & A

Overheard by: Katie

Black guy: Two for Akeelah.
German girlfriend: What? What are you buying? Two kilos for what?
Black guy: No. Akeelah.
German girlfriend: I don’t understand. Two kilos of what? That makes no sense.
Black guy, rolling his eyes: No! Akeelah! Akeelah!. Akeelah! Two for Akeelah!
German girlfriend: I still don’t understand.
Black guy: Akeelah and the frickin’ Bee!!!
German girlfriend: OHHHHH!

–Union Square Stadium 14, Broadway & 13th

Friend: So how was your date?
Woman: Oh my gosh it was amazing!! The best I ever had! It was cosmic!
Friend: On the first date? Wow!
Woman: I know! It was the best veal Parmesan I have ever had!

–5th Ave

Dude: biotch. Spelled b-y-o-c . . . some shit like that. It’s Chinese.

–116 & Broadway

Suit #1: You know what movie they’re filming over there?
Suit #2: I think it’s a snuff film.

–Maiden & Water

Overheard by: Angry Oscillations

Older lady: Oh, Dwight, I know! I know!
Older gentleman: Yes, and the costumes looked like they were designed by homosexual children!
Older lady: Haha!! Homosexual children!
Older gentleman: Not even full-grown ones!

–New York City Opera’s production of Semele

Overheard by: bisexual opera student

Guy #1: Your car is totally Jewish.
Guy #2: My car is not Jewish. My car is a Jew hater.

–10th & Hudson

Indie girl: Defeatism is my Friendster.

–2nd Avenue

Overheard by: Sparkle Shortz