Moms

Drunk Yankee fan: Oh, god. I need to get to Tarrytown, and there isn’t even a fucking steering wheel on the goddamn train!

–Train from Penn Station

Overheard by: tourist…

Automated female voice finishes announcing the stop.

Toddler: This is 23rd Street — Union Square! Transfers available to the S, L, N… The S! S, L, and N trains! Stand clear of the closing doors!

–6 train at 23rd St

Overheard by: vic

Woman to daughter: The Subway Lord might come through and kick you off.

–R train

Toddler quivering with fright: Oh, no, Mommy. Oh, no. Oh, dear… Oh, dear… Oh, dear. The train’s coming, Mommy. It’s coming. Oh, dear. Oh, no. Oh, no no no no no no! Mommy! It’s coming, Mommy! Oh, no, Mommy! Mommy! It’s coming. It’s coming! It’s coming, it’s coming! Ahhh!

–6 train station, 77th St

Overheard by: BJ

Black guy opening engineer’s door after 15 minutes of standstill: Yo, move this shit, or I’ll drive it myself!

–Canarsie-bound L train

Woman wedged into middle of packed car: Just another day in paradise.

–1 train, rush hour

Lady to kids: Which one of you walked on the fucking goddamn floor?!
Kid: Do you think we can fly, bitch? Of course we walked on the fucking floor!
Lady: I just fucking waxed the floor! Stop walking on the fucking floors!

–East Tremont, Bronx

Overheard by: Tydestra

Disgruntled mom #1: I told you kids to behave! I’m going to tell your father about this! No treats for you today, no treats! [To Disgruntled mom #2] They never listen to me.
Disgruntled mom #2: So, have you decided whether you’re going to go back to work instead of your husband?
Disgruntled mom #1, as one child shakes salt onto tables and licks it off: Well, we’ve talked about it. The problem is, I just don’t think my kids would get the same kind of attention and care.

–McDonald’s, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: paying more attention to her kids than she is

Little girl pointing to a poster of The Phantom of the Opera: Look, Mommy! The Mask!
Mom: No, sweetheart, that’s The Phantom of the Opera. Mask is a movie with Cher.

–Trader Joe’s

Overheard by: Alyson Leigh

Little girl: I want Santa to get me a Bratz doll for Christmas!
Mother: Yeah? Which one?
Little girl: The one that looks like me.
Mother, mumbling: Honey, you don’t look like a five-dollar crack whore.
Little girl: What?
Mother: Nothing.

–Toys “R” Us, Times Square

Boy: Mom, why is there a line here and not on the boys’ side?
Mom: Girls go to the bathroom differently. You guys can just stand around and pee and make crosses. You know — how you and Daddy make crosses with your pee-pees?

–Line for women’s room, Radio City Music Hall

Mom: How about this hat? Try this on.
Daughter: What? Ew, no, I’ll look like a homeless person!
Mom: You are homeless.

–Kmart, Astor Place

Overheard by: mia

White mom calling seven-year-old girl: Isis, come back over here! Don’t wander off – stay where I can see you!
Black man: Woman, you name me ‘Isis,’ and I wander as far away from you as I can get. I don’t blame that girl. Isis! What kind of name is that for a little white girl? Damn! Now I know white people crazy.

–Central Park

Toddler pointing out window: Fuck, fuck.
Mother: No, that’s ‘truck.’ Tuh-tuh-tuh-truck.
Toddler: Tuh-tuh-tuh-fuck.
Mother: Oh, man.

–Dean & Deluca

Father carrying plastic pitchfork: Fuck that. Fuck that, bitch! Fuck that!
Mother in disheveled wildcat costume to crying son: It’s okay, baby. You’re not in trouble. Daddy and I are just arguing.
Father: Yeah, fuck you, Mommy. Yo, fuck that. Yo, Daddy is leavin’. Daddy is gone, boy.
Mother: It’s okay, baby.
Father to son: Shut the fuck up, faggot bitch! [Turns to mother] Don’t turn my son against me, bitch!

–24th St & 9th Ave