Tourist mom: Ohhh! Look, dear! A fire escape!
Tourist child: Oh, where? Where?
Tourist mom: See? That balcony with the ladders…
Tourist child: But how do they get down?
Tourist mom: I think that ladder on the side slides down.
Tourist child: Oh, wow. It is just like in the movies!
–Ferry bus, 49th & 6th
Overheard by: A tourist who knows better
Guy on cell: No, no, no! He said they came to search him and he swallowed it.
–Sullivan & Bleecker
Teen girl at human limbs exhibit: Hmmm, I’m hungry.
–Bodies Exhibit, South St Seaport
Frat boy on cell: I miss you, baby. I love ya. I want to taste your saliva. Call me later when you’re drunk.
–University Pl & 14th St
Overheard by: Erin
Bimbette lighting a cigarette: This probably isn’t what I should be having for breakfast.
–14th St & 1st Ave
Man on cell: Have you talked about coating her in peanut butter and jelly and eating her like a sandwich? No? Okay.
–Starbucks, Court St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: MmmSandwich
Mom: Who’s the yummiest baby in the world? Is it you? Are you super-duper yummy?
–115th St & Broadway
Boy: Mommy, what’s a vah-jay-jay?
Mom: A bird, sweetie! A wonderful bird.
–Wall St
Kid yelling: What are we doing after dinner? [Parents ignore him] What are we doing after dinner?!
Mom, calmly: Stop yelling, or I’ll have to kill you.
–10th St, between Broadway & University
Overheard by: Calling the Morgue
10-year-old girl: Mom! My hotdog has chunks of fat in it!
Mom: What are you talking about? There ain’t no fat in a hotdog!
–Avenue of the Americas
Overheard by: clancy
Tourist son: But what do they call Chinese food in China?
Tourist mom, thinking: I don’t know honey, good question.
–36th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Omar
Hipster chick: [Whispering]… Vagina. [Whispering]… Vagina. [Whispering]… Haha, vagina!
Six people collectively: Shut up!
Four-year-old boy: Mom, what’s a vagina?
Mom: It’s a word that only fucking inconsiderate people say around four-year-olds.
Four-year-old: Mom, what’s ‘fucking’?
–A train
Overheard by: Alex Gherardi aka Booger
Mother to friend: So, I had a hot flash the other day, and I was like, ‘Oh my god! Am I going through menopause?’ and–
Son: –Mom! What does ‘menopause’ mean? [Mother ignores him.] If you don’t tell me, I’ll yell it in public until you do!
–Starbucks
Eight-year-old delinquent: Yeah, son, I’m gonna get drunk on eggnog!
Six-year-old brother: I’ma drink me two beers!
Mother: Shut up, yous were all tricked! That was apple cider!
–A train
Overheard by: Hungover Intern
Little girl exiting restroom: Mommy! I’m not afraid to have a baby anymore!
Mother: Huh?
Little girl: I just had the biggest poop ever!
–McDonald’s
