Movies

Wednesday One-Liners Go to the Flicker Pictures

Guy to L. Ron Hub-tards: So, if I sign up with you, how long do I have to offer people stress tests before I become a movie star?

–Union Square

Gangsta teen: Yeah, A Clockwork Orange. You seen that shit? They taped his eyes open and made him watch rapes and shit. I would have ripped that shit off my eyes, man — fuck that. I’d blink my motherfucking eyes regardless.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: I do, too

Hipster: Actually, I don’t watch movies. I watch films.

–The Village

Blonde: Wasn’t Newsies a documentary?

–Deluxe, 114th & Broadway

Overheard by: McFreaky

Queer on cell: So, it’s not just like one of those regular bestiality films…

–E 9th & 1st

Movie buff: Yeah, I thought Seabiscuit was a good movie until I realized it was about a horse.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: pokemaul2k4

Who Rides in a Short Bus under the Sea?

Kid #1: Seriously?
Kid #2: Yeah, seriously.
Kid #1: Seriously?!
Kid #2: Yes, seriously.
Kid #1: Seriously?
Kid #2: Yes! Seriously! Gosh, you’re acting like SpongeBob!

–St. Catherine’s Elementary, Brooklyn

Overheard by: rpk

Headline by: Rock Bottom

Runners-Up:
· “…or Alberto Gonzalez under Oath.” – JC
· “Actual Script from Laguna Beach” – Jeremy
· “Dude, You’ve Been Watching Too Much SquarePant’s Anatomy” – Breanne S.
· “How Serious Can Spongebob Be If Spongebob Could Be Serious?” – Philip
· “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter – Test Campaign #34” – Paul Sheiman

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Bigotty Sense Tingling…

Five-year-old: Daddy, I don’t wanna see Spider-Man 3.
Dad: Come on, why not?
Five-year-old: I hate the black Spider-Man.
Hobo: That child is racist!

–Loews cinema, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Hobo has a point

Which Reminds Me — We Need to Shop for Staples

Yuppie: You know, that’s a very expensive beer you’re not drinking.
Girlfriend: Can’t we have one night where you don’t quote American Psycho?
Yuppie: Oh, he bought her Chardonnay. Don’t worry, I’m not a Chardonnay guy.
Girlfriend: Whatever. Just don’t nail-gun me in my sleep tonight. Again.

–Iggy’s on Rivington

At Least Nobody Felt the Need to Sing

B&T woman #1: Did you see Three Days of Rain?
B&T woman #2: No, what was it about?
B&T man #1: A stutterer fucks Julia Roberts.
B&T woman #1: Pay no attention to him — he’s a Neanderthal.
B&T man #2, leaning in and whispering: Does he really?

–Sardi’s Restaurant

Overheard by: Big Larry

Although She Also Told Me Shrooms Are Just Mushrooms with LSD Sprayed On…

NYU guy proposing Mary Poppins as a Rocky Horror-style sing-along: It’d probably be fun to get drunk and go to one of those.
NYU girl: I don’t know…
NYU guy: Well, that’s what my oboe teacher said.

–Washington Square

Overheard by: fifi

I Bit Off All of My Nails the Week Michelle Fell Off That Horse

Dude #1: Plus, I was watching The Sandlot, so that always stresses me out.
Dude #2: It does?
Dude #1: Yeah. Even though I know what’s going to happen, I get really anxious… That’s also the reason I don’t watch Full House.

–Q train

Overheard by: dianora

Of Course, If He’d Said That about Clue I’d Have to Club Him

Theater fan: What would you say about a person who saw The Rocky Horror Picture Show only once and didn’t feel any need to see it again?
Tim Curry: I’d say that was a person who was in full possession of their senses.

–Actor’s Fund event, 52nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Big Larry

Or the Last Viking Unicorn?

NYU bimbette #1: Yeah, see, I totally think there’s something fishy about Dumbledore’s death — especially his funeral. Like, why was he buried out at sea?
NYU bimbette #2: He wasn’t. He was buried at Hogwarts.
NYU bimbette #1: Wait… Am I thinking of First Knight?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Felony

Wait — What Might Be Pointed?

Yuppie #1: I saw Lord of the Rings for the first time last night. I’m totally hot for Galadriel.
Yuppie #2: You mean Cate Blanchett.
Yuppie #1: No, man. Galadriel. If I was Frodo I would be like, ‘Thanks for the light thingy, milady. Maybe there’s something I could do for you?’
Yuppie #2: Yeah, but she’s an elf. Who knows what they got goin’ on down there.
Yuppie #1: You mean it might be pointed?

–Gotham Bar & Grill

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