Old man: Enjoy your cancer.
Underage smoker: Thanks, man! You too!
–73rd & Columbus
Overheard by: Fish
Old man: Enjoy your cancer.
Underage smoker: Thanks, man! You too!
–73rd & Columbus
Overheard by: Fish
Bread vendor: Hey! Lady! Don’t touch the bread!
Old lady, squeezing bread: How am I gonna know if it’s fresh?
Bread vendor: I’ll give you fresh!
Old lady, hitting vendor with large purse in time to her speech: You. Know. What?! You’re. A. Dog! Nothing but a two-bit, Lower East Side dog! That’s what you are!
Bread vendor: Ahhh! [Old lady leaves.]
–Soho
Overheard by: Bulent Akman
Old lady to weird guy: Get up! Get up! Can’t you see that that woman has two young children? [Weird guy reluctantly gets up.] You must be an orphan.
Weird guy: Fuck off. [He moves away and departs at the next stop.]Old lady: What? He was getting off at the next stop? He must be an orphan.
–A train
Overheard by: rachel
Guy: Is that for picket or chain link?
Old man: No, it’s for an Olympic event.
–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Ray Fisher
Exasperated hipster chick on cell, rolling eyes: Well, you probably should have known. I mean, I told you yesterday it was a terrible idea to go out and get wasted the night before you work with cadavers…
–83rd & 1st
Overheard by: i’ll remember that for next time…
Little boy pointing to top of Trump Tower: If I fell off of that, I would die!
–Trump Tower
Overheard by: Horrified
Suit to another: … So at, like, four a.m. this morning I rolled over to feel her, and she was, like, dead.
–44th & 8th
Overheard by: Glad I’m not sleeping with him
Old lady on cell: Well, I may be dead by then, so it might be a waste of your money.
–Fairway, 73rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Jessie
Man on cell: … Yeah, but wouldn’t my witness getting killed be bad?
–Key Food, Kew Gardens Hills, Queens
Overheard by: kilbasi
Third grader: Miss Hannah, let’s make a deal — if you give me an ax, I’ll give you 10 corpses.
–PS 41
Overheard by: Student Teacher
Pharmacist: Hi, sir, can I help you?
Old man: I need to refill my pills.
Pharmacist: Which pills, sir?
Old man: You know, my pills.
Pharmacist: Sir, you are on eight different medications. Can you maybe describe the color or shape of the one you want? Or maybe what it does?
Old man: I just want my pills, dammit!
Pharmacist: Sir, I can’t refill them if you don’t tell me what they are.
Old man: My pills! The blue ones! You know, the man-agra!
–CVS/pharmacy
Overheard by: Amused customer in line
(older woman falls and younger woman helps her put on her shoes)
Older woman, surprised: Oh! Wow, thank you so much!
Young lady: Yeah, well… I'm a transplant.
–Columbus Circle
Girl: I saw that movie when it came out, The Passion of the Christ.
Grandma: What movie?
Girl: The Passion of the Christ. You haven’t heard of it?
Grandma: Yes, but I’m not interested in watching it. Mel Gibson produced it.
Girl: Oh. So it’s a principle thing.
Grandma: No. It’s an I-don’t-like douchebaginess thing.
–JFK Airport
Obama volunteer, on super Tuesday: Have you had a chance to make it out to the polls yet?
Old woman, angrily: I don’t like Muslims. [walks past].
Volunteer: Ummmm… [shouts after her] he’s Christian!
Old woman, turning back, even angrier: No he’s not!
–53rd & Lexington
Overheard by: NCS
[guy slips on snowy steps, falls down]Old man: Oh, are you okay?
[guy gets up, walks away]Old woman: If this were Dartmouth, they’d have salted this by now, you know.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Greg T
