Tourist kid looking at digital camera, whining: She took a picture of me sleeping!
Tourist mom: You erase it and you die!
–6 train
Tourist kid looking at digital camera, whining: She took a picture of me sleeping!
Tourist mom: You erase it and you die!
–6 train
Lady: Oh, man, I hate it when it rains, because there’s water and you get wet.
Male companion: Yes, I know exactly what you mean.
–6 train, 86th & Lex
Overheard by: Beth
Girl #1: Anyhow, I kept telling him no, but he did. Then this morning I realized that I was raped.
Girl #2: Oh my god…
Girl #1: Yeah, but it was the best sex I ever had. But I didn’t want it.
–B train
Father: Can we just go to McDonald’s for dinner?
Little girl: Dad! You know I can’t have trans-fat.
–Queens-bound 7 train
Overheard by: Patricia
Conductor: This is the 2:40 local train to Babylon. For those of you who have not passed out, this train makes all local stops. For those of you who have passed out… I’ll see you in Babylon…
–LIRR train leaving Penn Station
Overheard by: Bill Reese
Conductor: The next stop is Harlem, 125th. Then we’re off to Grand Central Terminal. Write it down, you passengers, write it down.
–Metro-North
Sarcastic, monotone conductor: This is a D train to Manhattan… apparently. [Later] Woo-hoo. Finally, 36th Street.
–D train
Overheard by: i don’t like that dude
Conductor: This is Carroll Street. If you transfer to the uptown F or G train here, there are less stairs, but there is a nice breeze at Smith and Ninth Street.
–F train
Overheard by: Eileen
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being held here because the drawbridge is in the open position, and I don’t think I know how to swim.
–Metro-North
Overheard by: mark
Conductor: This train goes straight to Newark-Penn Station. Newark, the pride of the Passaic river!
–NJ Transit, Penn Station
Overheard by: Care
Conductor: For those of you that are interested, Penn Station is next. For those that aren’t, it still is.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Xavier
Girl: Didn’t your mother ever teach you if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say a fucking thing?
Guy: Um…
Girl: You’re such a dick! God, what a motherfucker.
–1 train
Teen thug #1: You met her in rehab? Son, you was only there three days…!
Teen thug #2: Yo, but check this out — she’s 35!
Teen thug #1: Son, she gonna drop yo’ ass when she finds out how old you are!
Teen thug #2: I already told her.
Teen thug #1, after long pause: Shit, then she a pedophile, son!
–F train
Overheard by: Missin the city
Late twenties girl: Were you part of that food fight Friday night?
Early thirties guy: Yeah, I got hit with a buttered roll. Someone actually buttered the roll before they threw it.
–6 train
Overheard by: Erica
School child #1: Yo, Tupac is still alive.
School child #2: Yeah, I heard that, too. I heard he’s strippin’. He’s a stripper in LA.
A small child with them gets off train.
Old woman: Get back on the train! [Small child gives her the finger with both hands and runs away.]School child #1: Yo, who is that kid?
School child #2: I don’t know. I saw him in the bathroom. He was takin’ a shit and he came out and smiled at me… And that’s how I know him.
–G train
Little sis: I don’t know. I’m just really confused. Like, how am I supposed to know what I want in a guy? You know? Like, what’s your perfect guy?
Big sis: One with 6 weeks to live.
Little sis: Huh?
Big sis: Nevermind… God, that would be great, though.
–1 train platform, 23rd St
