Woman: Nobody famous ever comes in where I work.
Man: Well, we got a lot of famous people when I worked in LA.
Woman: Like who?
Man: Charlie Sheen would come into the store all the time.
Woman: Really?
Man: Yeah, but he’s a fucking freak.
Woman: Oh?
Man: Yeah, he’d hold something up and say, ‘Do you think this is good? Do you? Do you? Do you?’ like, all the time. He’s very fucked up.
–6 train
20-something girl #1: Why do they call it ‘Smart Water’?
20-something girl #2: Because it has electrolytes.
20-something girl #1: But does it make you smarter?
20-something girl #2: No! Does drinking Dr. Pepper make you a doctor? I don’t think so!
–6 train
Overheard by: Moses
Girl #1: Nice scarf. Did you knit it yourself?
Girl #2: Fuck you. Don’t talk to me.
–F train
Professor hobo: Now listen, folks. You got them crazies preachin’ the end of the world. They’s saying God’s gonna come and un-begat us all the way to Adam. I’m not like that. I’m not. Listen — I’m not — so listen, okay? Listen. See, I’m a man of science. No heavenly undoing here. There’s a black hole comin’ this way. Those niggas comin’ at like a thousand light miles an hour. I don’t need no wheelchair super-talk from my computer to know that. It’ll come and it’ll steal your children. Pull ’em from bed and rape ’em and eat ’em. That’s what them black holes do. Eat you. You and your children. Science!
–7 train
Guy to group of teenagers after doors close on crowded train: You know, in this city we move in on the trains.
Girl #1: We’re not tourists, you know.
Guy: Then you should know better.
Girl #1: Oh, just shut up.
Guy: Didn’t your father teach you to act better?
Girl #2: Her father is dead.
Guy, after slight pause: Well, maybe that’s why she’s such an obnoxious little twat.
–1 train
Overheard by: LSB
Woman furiously swinging her purse at tourist seated next to her: What?! You were sitting on my hand the entire way! You deserve this!
Tourist: Uh, thank you.
–6 train
Overheard by: naners
Latino trying to hawk a CD and pawn it to a latina: So, this isn’t my real job. I’m just doing this shit for fun.
Latina: Oh, what do you do?
Latino: … I’m in, like, marketing and advertising. Real professional shit.
Latina: Oooh, did you go to college?
Latino: Nah, I was already good at it.
–Flushing-bound 7 train
Overheard by: had to get an MBA to get good at it
Ghetto girl #1: I love guys that can saaang!
Ghetto girl #2: Yeah, me too. They be marinatin’ you. That shit’s mad sexy.
Ghetto girl #1: Marinate? The fuck?! You mean ‘serenate.’ You’s a stupid-ass bitch!
–G train, Clinton-Washington station
Overheard by: all up in your grill
Dude #1: What happened?
Dude #2: I wiped my face with it and didn’t smell like piss.
Dude #1: Oh. Okay then.
–Crowded Brooklyn-bound L train
Overheard by: budgetmoon
Suburban teen #1: Guess what my dad got me for my birthday!
Suburban teen #2: What?
Suburban teen #1: An Escalade.
Suburban teen #2: Really?! That’s such a ghetto car!
Passerby: You kids are fuckin’ ignorant.
–B train
Overheard by: Zack
