Girl #1: So he slapped you with his penis?
Girl #2: Well, yeah — what else does he have?
–2 train
Overheard by: RetroSarcasm
Girl #1: So he slapped you with his penis?
Girl #2: Well, yeah — what else does he have?
–2 train
Overheard by: RetroSarcasm
Teen girl: The Notebook was mad sad! I cried.
Teen boy: What is it about?
Teen girl: I forgot.
–1 train
Dude #1: Is cable a need or a necessity?
Dude #2: What?!
Dude #1: I mean, clothes are a need — you need to wear clothes — so cable’s a necessity, not a need.
–F train
Little boy pointing to subway ad: Mommy, what are those?
Mother: Those are grown-ups.
Little boy: Kids.
Mother: No, those are just happy grown-ups, so they look like kids.
–1 train
Ghetto chick #1: They always tryin’ to fight with me! No matter what I do they always want to fight with me. Even they mother.
Ghetto chick #2: They mother? Ain’t she, like, 50 years old?
Ghetto chick #1: Or more. And she be comin’ out the house with hammers. She don’t play around. All of them fighting, and who go to jail for it? Me! Every weekend we fight, someone call the cops, and I go to jail. Every weekend. Just me. Because I’m on probation. I’m out on bail right now.
Ghetto chick #2: Uh-huh.
Ghetto chick #1: And I just don’t know when it’s gonna end. When is it gonna end? Someone’s gonna have to die — that’s all I know. One of these mothafuckah’s gonna have to die.
–C train
Hipster #1: Shit, I forgot the wine.
Hipster #2: You’re such an idiot. Where is it?
Hipster #1: I don’t know, in some store somewhere. But it’s okay, because I have a joint.
Hipster #2: You can’t bring a joint if she invited us for dinner. It’s not a ‘thank you’ if you’re just gonna smoke it.
–Brooklyn-bound F train
Overheard by: Yiriam Madison
Chick: Okay, here is my job application. Under ‘Goals’ I have, ‘Get my people skills to a comfortable level.’ For ‘Steps to Achieve These Goals’ I have, ‘Right now I am passive-aggressive, but I am working to become more aggressive.’
Dude: Ummm, I think you should take out the first ‘aggressive.’ Anyway, you aren’t passive-aggressive, you are bipolar.
Chick: I am not! I just hate everyone!
Dude: Then why do you take the crazy pills?
–A train, near Canal St
Foreign lady: So, a couple of years ago my country floated away from Venezuela.
Foreign man: Good for you!
–1 train
Teen girl: I love Mr. Mallows*!
Teen boy: Yeah, I know. Dude’s like, ‘I have hemorrhoids’!
–6 train
Ignorant mom: Why do you have all that hair on your head? Are you a Jew?
Poor kid: Yes!
Ignorant mom: You’re not a Jew! You do not practice Jew-ism.
–A train
Overheard by: A Devout Jesus-ist
