Thug #1: I’m gonna smoke that nigga. I’m gonna smoke him. Nah… Nah, he’s real nice. I like him. But he didn’t listen to me so I gotta smoke him.
Thug #2: Okay… Sure…
–4 train
Thug #1: I’m gonna smoke that nigga. I’m gonna smoke him. Nah… Nah, he’s real nice. I like him. But he didn’t listen to me so I gotta smoke him.
Thug #2: Okay… Sure…
–4 train
Drunk girl #1: No, no, no, man. Picture it: we’ll be like the Disney characters in Disney, but not Disney characters… I think it’s a great idea.
Drunk girl #2: Are you sure?
Drunk girl #1: Yeah. All Disney but without the horror tower thing!
–D train
Overheard by: trin trin
Mother to crying girl: You stop that or I’ll pop your balloon.
Father: Yeah, we’ll pop your balloon.
–1 train, 116th St
Overheard by: EK
Rider #1: America’s a great country, but people don’t want to defend her. They don’t want to go to the front lines and get their brains blown out.
Rider #2: Been there; done that.
–D train
Hobo: Hello, ladies and gentlemen. I’m sorry to bother you. My name is Jeffrey, and I’m homeless…
Man, mocking: I haven’t eaten in four days…
Hobo: … I haven’t eaten in four days.
Man: That’s my man!
–F train, 23rd St
Little boy in stroller pats a woman on the thigh reaching for a chain hanging from her pocket.
Woman: Oh, no! You don’t touch strange women! You don’t touch strange women! Otherwise they might touch you back… Oh, aren’t you a sweetheart?! [To his parents] Oh, yeah. He knows what he’s doing.
–Brooklyn-bound L train
Guy: No, Tourettes have it better.
Girl: Yeah, they just spaz out.
–F train
Overheard by: Suriya Schmidt
Chick #1: Like, seriously. What is a BMW?
Chick #2: I think it’s a car.
Chick #1: Um, I don’t think so.
–7 train
Chick: Whoa, you were married?
Guy: Yup. Six years.
Chick: What happened?
Guy: Ummm… We were too different.
Chick: Different how?
Guy: Well, I’m the kind of person who wanted to pay off all his med school bills and live abroad for a few years. She’s the kind of person who wanted to fuck other guys.
Chick: [Shocked.]Guy: Hey, you asked.
–F train, York St
Drunk chick #1, laughing hysterically: Okay, let’s come up with a code word to say every time we see one of them. Something really random, like… shoelace.
Drunk chick #2: Julius?
Drunk chick #1, still laughing: No, shoelace. Shoelace!
Drunk chick #2: Okay. Julius. Look! There’s a Julius!
–6 train
Overheard by: quagmire
