Test-taker #1: You know how good a test location is by the ratio of people to Asians.
Test-taker #2: Huh?
Test-taker #1: That’s how it’s done.
–Line for SATs, Martin Luther King High
Test-taker #1: You know how good a test location is by the ratio of people to Asians.
Test-taker #2: Huh?
Test-taker #1: That’s how it’s done.
–Line for SATs, Martin Luther King High
Black actress onstage: If anymore white people walk in here, we’re gonna become a suburb!
Suburban white girl in audience: I don’t get it.
–Showing of Hairspray
Puerto Rican woman: So, if you hadn’t been born boricua, what nationality would you want to be?
Puerto Rican man: Black.
Puerto Rican woman: Awww, it’s not that small, mi amor.
–B train, 50th St
Overheard by: Hablo Español!
Black 12-year-old boy: Are you Japanese?
Asian 20-year-old guy: Ummm, no…
Black 12-year-old boy: Oh… Chinatownese?
Asian 20-year-old guy: What?
Black 12-year-old boy: Taiwa– I mean, Taiwanese? Thailandonian?
Asian 20-year-old guy: No. I’m American.
–72nd St station
Overheard by: Dave Carpenter
Teacher: So, for the most part you guys had really low participation grades. Then they made me sit through some psychology workshop entitled ‘The Asian Teen and Why They’re So Quiet.’ After that, I raised everyone’s grade.
–Bronx Science
Overheard by: LSB
Lady with accent, to toddler: I don’t know about Asians… He just fell over, and they don’t even care! They’re just gonna leave them there!
–Faye’s Starbucks, Washington Square
Overheard by: Sydney M
White mom taking photo of Chinese seven-year-old daughter: Honey, open your eyes! Wider! Open your eyes, dear!
–Times Square
Black guy with guitar: Hey! Hey you! This song I’m gonna sing is for you, Chinese girl. [Sings] Everybody was kung fu fighting, [yells and chops the air] boom, bam! Thank you. Thank you all! I accept pennies, nickels, dimes, iPods, wallets, cellphones, sunglasses, your first born, your mama, credit cards and Asians.
–1 train
Overheard by: Brina Guild
Nerd: You can tell how good a testing location is by the ratio of people to Asians.
–Line for SATs, Martin Luther King Jr. High
Guy, regarding VA Tech: It’s not right — Asians aren’t serial killers. If they were, there wouldn’t be so many people in China. [Friends stare silently.] What? Too soon?
–NYU
Overheard by: evil new york
Dude #1: The Japanese can’t be that racist!
Dude #2: All I’m saying is, drop another couple of nukes on them and they’re still going to hate the blacks.
–Eastchester & Morris Park, Bronx
College girl: How many Asians are in there?
Bouncer: I don’t know.
College girl: Like, what’s the percentage?
Bouncer: Seventy? [Girls walk away.]
–Bowery & Prince
Black girl: Yo, white boy! Yo, white boy! [White guy ignores her, so she follows him.] White boy! Yo, white boy!
White guy: What?! How would you like it if I yelled, ‘Hey, black girl! Hey, black girl!’?
Black girl: No! It’s okay! I’m white — I went to Pratt.
–Bed-Stuy
Newscaster to cameraman: Come on, can’t we get some fucking white people to interview? [White suit approaches.] Hi, do you have a minute?
–Fulton & Gold
Overheard by: Floored
14-year-old girl to friend: Yo, my momma was like, ‘We gotta go over to Peter Lugar’s to pick up some white niggas with chizzz-ash!’
–S 3rd St, Williamsburg
White guy to buddy: I have this thing for girls who look like white girls, but actually…
–Sullivan & Bleecker
Overheard by: NCS
Dude: Journey is like crack for white people.
–Metropolitan Championship Regatta
Queer black guy on cell: Girl, just stop! That is not your job… No, if she’s such a delicate white woman that she can’t be bothered to take care of her own child, then she can’t be mad if you lose her in the park… No, that’s not your job.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: mark
Ghetto chick: You eat those Fritos like a white girl.
–Prominade, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: David in Dumbo
Southern tourist to wifey: You know, people in New York are so many different shades… White people, I mean.
–Q train, 34th St
Black woman: Move, nigga! Shit, if Kramer can say it…
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: Jillian B.
Salesperson to customer: C’mon nigga, just buy this fucking thing, you know you want it.
–Radio Shack, 225th St
Overheard by: charles elliot
Black lady: So here I go doin’ my thang, right, and I look up and this nigga here is eatin’ a pickle… A pickle!
–NJ Transit into Penn Station
Overheard by: dirtyjersey
Thug: Yo, fuck you! You Pillsbury Doughboy punch-you-in-the-face-lookin’ nigga!
–Grand St
Overheard by: Alex Remnick
Old woman: Nigga’s tutti-frutti as a motherfucker.
–35th & 8th
14-year-old girl to friend:… And then my daddy called me a ho! Fuck that nigga!
–Spofford Ave, Hunts Point
Overheard by: number seven
Father: Come on, hurry your ass up, nigga. I mean… Hurry up… son.
–50th & Broadway
