Wednesday One-liners Make an Ass of Themselves

Queer: As my grandmother used to say, you’ve got one fuckable ass.

–Marie’s Crisis, Grove Street

Overheard by: catherine

Hobo: How you doin’? How you doin’? I’m doin’ good. Yeah, you know I’m doin’ good, cause I’m lookin’ good! And you know why I look good? ’cause I clean mah ass!

–1 train

Overheard by: Alex Valentine

NYU chick: All this work is going to fuck me in the ass so much my boyfriend won’t be able to.

–Silver Building, Waverly Place

Chick: I can’t believe how much he charged me for this disposable camera. I was like, “Why don’t you fuck me up the ass while you’re at it?”

–55th & 3rd

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Black guy: Damn, it smells like open ass around here.

–Canal & Broadway

Overheard by: Daniel

Posted on July 23, 2025
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Buildings, Family Ties, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On the Subway, Queer guys, Scents of the City, Soho, Students, The Village

Straggling Home (A NYC Short Story)

Drunk: Miss, do you think I could sit next to you for a moment, just a moment, and you could smell me and tell me whether I smell like I’ve been drinking?
Girl: No.
Drunk: Why not?
Girl: Because I don’t want to have to smell anyone.
Drunk: Well fuck you too.

–168th Street station

Posted on March 8, 2025
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Scents of the City, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

Cavemen Used Axe

Girl #1: So how was your date with him?
Girl #2: It was fun and everything but it bothers me that he has no smell. Not that he stinks, but he just smells too naturally human.
Girl #1: Oh my god! No cologne? What is he, living in the Stone Age?

–Washington Square park

Overheard by: Ting

Posted on January 8, 2025
Bimbettes, Dating, Scents of the City, Washington Square Park

“But I like the scent of semen.”

Chick #1: Close your mouth, your breath stinks!
Chick #2: No, it doesn’t.
Chick #1: Listen, you open your mouth, people can smell your shit. You should be the first one knowing your breath stinks. The air goes right up to your nose first anyway!

–Church & Murray

Posted on November 13, 2024
Cleanliness, Girls, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Scents of the City

That Afterbirth Won’t Be Smelling So Hot

Pregnant woman: They really need to make cigarettes illegal. I can smell that woman’s smoke from half a block away. Anything you can smell from half a block away has got to be outlawed. I mean, I’ve never smelled a fart from half a block away!

–Houston & Thompson

Posted on November 17, 2023
Crime and Punishment, Farting & Burping, Preggers, Scents of the City, The Village

Rachel Carson is Spinning in Her Eco-Grave

Hairstylist: Hey Jo Jo, what’s with that lady with all that body hair?
Jo Jo: She’s an old tree hugger. She never quit living in the 60s. Her kids and husband smell too.

–Hair Salon, Madison & 52nd