The Technicolor Yawn Of Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: Vomiting is prohibited on this train. Please, no vomiting on this train.

–LIRR

Conductor: There are only three reasons for an empty train car. A) it smells. B) it's hot. C) someone threw up.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Laura

Gay NYU student: I've already been through the cycle. Eat, vom, feel better about life.

–Tisch Hall, NYU

Conductor: There will be no vomiting on this train. Repeat. There will be no vomiting on this train. (short pause) If you have to vomit, vomit on yourself.

–LIRR, Drunk Train

Overheard by: Jason

Girl to two guy friends: Last night I was traveling back on the train, and there was, like, an airsick bag in the thing and I got a craving for Gardetto's, because the last time we were traveling… (becomes inaudible)

–Atlantic & Bond, Boerum Hill

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Boyfriend to wasted girlfriend: Baby, I swear. This is the best place in New York to throw up. (girlfriend pukes)

–MacDougal St, The Village

Overheard by: Reid Rogers

Posted on February 14, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, NYC Geography, NYU, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Psychology, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Street, Students, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Vomit, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Pity the Woman Who Lets a Gay Man Decorate Her Junk

Girl #1: So, Matt* is back with Della*.
Queer: Even though her vagina smells funny?
Girl #2: I need to pee, y’all.

–1 train

Overheard by: Dan

Posted on January 26, 2022
Friends, On the Subway, Pee, Queer guys, Relationships, Scents of the City, Vagina

Someone Out There for Everybody

Frat boy #1: She smelled like… You know that smell, when you eat asparagus, and then take a piss.
Frat boy #2: No, wait, I kinda like that smell.

–10th & 1st

Overheard by: Katie

Posted on October 31, 2021
Food, Frat Boys, Pee, Scents of the City, The Village

That’s What You Said When I Lost My Car

Guy: Wow, I just realized something. Smell that. Manhattan really smells like Froot Loops.
Girl: Really? [She sniffs.]Guy: Yeah. Damn, I gotta lay off the Froot Loops.
Girl: No, Mike, you gotta lay off the pot.

–8th & West 55th

Overheard by: Roger

Posted on July 22, 2021
Food, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Scents of the City, Stoners, Weed

The Non-suicide Bombers

Chick: What’s that smell?
Guy: Either someone farted or it’s terrorism.

–42nd & Broadway

Posted on April 6, 2021
Farting & Burping, Friends, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Scents of the City, Terrorism

He Wasn’t, Incidentally

Hot girl #1: It’s the guy on the end of the train.
Hot girl #2: Wow. It’s amazing the human body can smell like that and still be alive.

–Coney Island-bound F train

Posted on March 16, 2021
Coney Island, Default, Excretions, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Scents of the City, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

Suffers from Menthol Deficiency

Woman #1: Oooh, I really like the smell of whatever you’re eating or wearing. What is that?
Woman #2: A cough drop.
Woman #1: What kind?
Woman #2: Hall’s.
Woman #1: Oooh, that’s really nice.

–Elevator, McCann Erickson office

Posted on October 7, 2020
Compliments, Coworkers, Elevators, Office, Scents of the City

Washed Leather, Gin and Tonics, and Money

Waspy woman #1, walking into J.Crew: It smells like J.Crew!
Waspy woman #2: It smells so good!

–J.Crew, Soho

Posted on September 17, 2020
Compliments, Default, Friends, Money & Class, Rich people, Scents of the City, Soho, Store, White People, Women

Wednesday One-Liners in Smell-O-Vision

Hipster girl: I’d rather face the stigma of buying feminine hygiene products than face the stigma of having a stinky hoo-ha.

–13th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: agreed

Girl: Remember Diana? Stinky Diana? She’s back, and she’s getting married.

–West 47th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Peter G

Chick: If I’m going to play beer pong, I need to be fragrant.

–Sammy’s, 11th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: McF

Little boy to dad: I don’t want to go to Africa! I don’t want to smell the camels!

–5th Ave & Park Pl, Park Slope

Voice on intercom: The Children’s Section is closed due to… that smell.

–NY Public Library, East 96th St

Overheard by: Diane

Chick: So, did you smell your toilet paper?

–MoMA cafe

Overheard by: Sweettart

Posted on September 1, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Kids, Scents of the City

Something Men Tell Each Other They Won’t Tell You

Thug #1: … And you could smell that shit through her jeans, yo! That shit was nasty!
Thug #2: Bitch needs to be fuckin’ introduced to Mr. Clean or some shit!

–Outside Francis Lewis High, Queens

Posted on August 21, 2020
Advice, Cleanliness, Clothing, Friends, Poop, Scents of the City, School, Thugs

Scents of the City