Shoes

Candy-Apple Red Slingback Wednesday One-Liners

Man to friend with horse and carriage: Last week I was a cripple… Then I got these sneakers!

–6th Ave & Central Park South

Boy: … And then he said I was wearin’ my mama’s sneakers, and I said, ‘That’s a lie! Of all the sneakers that both my mom and I have, there are two separate pairs of each! One for me and one for her! They just look a lot alike.’

–Key Foods, Lincoln Pl & Washington Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Michael O’Connor

Yuppie to another: They’re not only taking his money, they’re going after his wife’s shoes!

–Equinox, Lexington Ave

Overheard by: wolf

Plump European woman: I still think of her… She doesn’t believe in shoes.

–Gemini Diner, 33rd & 2nd

Overheard by: Dasha

Girl: If I don’t get the Tory Burch flats, I’m going to cut someone.

–"7th on Sale" Sample Sale

Thanks. My Feet Feel Better Now.

20-ish female tourist: My feet are killing me. I shouldn’t have worn heels.
20-ish boyfriend: Heels aren’t that bad. I wore them and a dress for a play in eighth grade.
20-ish female tourist: My dad loves dressing up as a woman.

–C train, Port Authority

Unless You’ve Got a Fucking Fairy Godmother

Girl: But the other guy was supposed to get me those shoes. Why can’t you get them for me?
Shoe dude: Ma’am, no one will ever get you those shoes.

–Shoemania, Union Square

Overheard by: moodle

That, and When She Doesn’t Have a Penis

Suit #1: Don’t you hate when a woman is really pretty and she is dressed so nice, and then you look at her shoes and they are just wrong?! It just ruins it… Don’t you hate that?
Suit #2: I don’t look at their shoes…
Suit #1: It turns me off.

–Cosi, 45th & Madison

Overheard by: BindyNYC

Tough Talk for Someone Missing a Bra

Mom: Where’s your shoe?
Little boy: I don’t know.
Mom: Where did you lose your shoe? You can’t just lose your shoe. How can you keep walking around after you lost your shoe without noticing it? Where did you lose your shoe? You’re crazy.

–34th & 7th

By Big-City Standards, at Least

Hipster girl, about shoes: Cool, there’s a cow on the side.
Hipster boy: No, it’s a sheep.
Hipster girl: Oh.
Hipster boy: Well, whatever — it’s bovine.

–Beacon’s Closet, Williamsburg

Overheard by: hipster shopper

Who Would Be Middle Aged And Be Sober?

Middle-aged lady: Look at that girl! Drunk and it’s not even four PM!
Friend: She’s not drunk, it’s just her shoes!
Middle-aged lady: But… Who would wear high heels and be sober?

–1st & 1st

Overheard by: eliza… the one with the heels

Headline by: Lalaith

Runners-Up:
· “British Comedians in Drag?” – Barry P.
· “I’ll Take Old Trades for $100, Alex” – Martin de Bruin
· “She’s Also Not a She. Not Originally Anyway.” – eric bostrom
· “The Same People Who Wear Crocs While Not Stoned Out Of Their Minds” – Cecilia
· “With Ann Coulter, You Can Never Be Sure.” – Jon T

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

And Not the Mainstream Kind, Either

Teen step-daughter, looking at skater shoes: I love these shoes! If I saw a guy wearing these shoes, I’d be totally into him.
Suit: Yeah, but not for a 34-year-old.
Teen step-daughter: I know lots of 34-year-olds that would wear these.
Suit: Yeah, they work at the movie theater.

–Vintage clothing store

Overheard by: Sean B

It’s a Breach of the Consumer Code of Conduct

Mother with stroller #1: Nice shoes!
Mother with stroller #2: Thanks! They’re my 18-dollar flip-flops! [Lowers voice] But we don’t like to talk about that…

–18th & 7th

You’re Not the Only Store in Town

Chick: Please, please, please get these for me.
Guy: [Laughs, shakes his head.]Chick: I promise I’ll give it to you 10 times today.
Guy: I don’t need you to. I get it every day.
Chick: No, you don’t! You haven’t gotten it in a month!

–Sneaker store, 82nd & Roosevelt

Overheard by: Liza

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