Toddler tourist boy, during rainstorm: Mommy, my shoe has a puddle in it.
Slightly older sister: So does everyone’s. Deal with it.

–59th St & Broadway

Overheard by: she passes as a local

Teen girl on cell: So, where are you? So, what happened? Not to your shoe! In the hospital?!

–Central Park

Overheard by: concerned trespasser

Thin preppy girl to heavier stranger: Oh my god! I love your shoes.
Heavier stranger, looking her over: Girl, I wish I could give you a compliment, but you just look hungry.

–95th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Adriana

Eight‐year old boy, barely audibly: Do you have any kid’s shoes?
Middle aged clerk: Do I have sex? (pause) Well…
Eight‐year old boy, slightly more audibly: Naw, do you have any kid’s shoes?
Middle aged clerk: Kids? Yes. I’ve got one 24 and one 19. I know they’re not really kids, but they still seem like it to me.
Eight‐year‐old boy: Naw, naw! (loudly) I said “do you have any kid’s shoes?”

–Shoe Store, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Eremi

Guy on cell talking loudly: Where the fuck are you, Emily? (pause) Are you shopping? Don’t lie to me, Emily! I will come over there and fucking beat the dogshit out of you. (pause) I don’t care if I go to jail, it will be worth it to slap your lying ass around. (pause) You don’t buy me shit, Emily. Do you buy me my underwear? No! Do you buy me socks? No! I do. What about all those purses and shoes you have? Me!
Random Dominican teenage girl: Damn, Emily really don’t buy him nothing.

–Lucky Star Bus

Overheard by: chinatown bus traveler

Guy: Damn, would you walk a little faster, please?!
Lady friend: You try walking fast in three‐inch heels!
Guy: That girl in front of you is wearing three‐inch heels, and look how fast she’s walking!
Lady friend: Well, she’s a ho on the go!

–Herald Square

Overheard by: Ruby

Lady looking at another woman’s Roman sandals: I don’t like those Jesus‐lookin’ sandals!

–The Village

Girl: Do flats make your butt look big?

–9th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Matt Morgan

Guy with faux‐hawk: You know in Pee‐wee’s Big Adventure, after he loses his bike and everyone around him is riding bicycles? I feel that way with high‐tops right now.

–14th & 1st

Overheard by: Heather

(trendy, skinny, Upper West Side woman on sidewalk is staring down at her feet and looking concerned)
Preppy 30‐something boyfriend: I think your toes look better in those sandals.

–86th & Broadway

Overheard by: Sushene

Girl: My uncle is gay, like, flying‐out‐of‐his‐loafers gay.

–W 67th & Broadway

Overheard by:

Female cop to two male cops: So he’s standing there, really well dressed, nice shoes, and all of a sudden he pulls out this big, big (voice drops) boner, and says “Give me the shoes!”

–Continental Ave Station, Forest Hills

Girl: Wait… guys.
Group: What?
Girl: I just realized… I have to put on my shoes when we leave!

–62nd St

Guy: They’re squatters and ravers. They squat and rave…They squave.

–Belle and Sebastian show, Battery Park

Overheard by: Lacey

Suit: You know how some people wing it? Well I wanged it. I totally wanged it.

–52nd & 7th

Overheard by: Jatmos

Asian guy: It seems like everyone is giving headjobs these days.

–Flinders St

Overheard by: duygu

Female nurse: I’m telling you, he is totally intercontinental. I have to change him 4 times a day.

–Hudson & Spring

Overheard by: AJ Stone

Wordsmith, on the phone: Ma’am, her train is being delayed because of constipation.

–Office, 1250 Broadway

Teen on cell: He’s not very smart…Yeah, I just need someone to conversate with.


Overheard by: Chelsea

College guy: The word “secretion” just fucks me up.


10‐Year‐Old boy: I ain’t speakin’ no language.

–B48 bus, Franklin & DeKalb

Overheard by: Kyri

Tourist: Sexual attention is the only language I really understand.

–Around the Clock Diner, Stuyvesant & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: gweny

Woman: The lesbians don’t like the Jews…I mean the Lebanese.

–Party, 16th & 1st

Girl: Stop staring at all the buildings, you look like a terrorist!…I mean tourist. Same thing.

–8th & Broadway

Overheard by: ceci

Girl: Oh, my shoes totally fell asleep…Fell asleep? Fell apart!

–Fort Greene Park, Brooklyn

Tiny elderly woman, angrily: I want some comfortable shoes that I can walk in!
Salesman: Oh, but we have so many…
Tiny elderly woman: I can’t decide like that! Brands! Give me one brand!
Salesman: Mephisto.
Tiny elderly woman: No! Not Mephisto!

–Shoestore, W 72nd St

Overheard by: Harriet Vane