Wednesday One-Liners Are Masters of Their Own Verbal Domain

Guy: They’re squatters and ravers. They squat and rave…They squave.

–Belle and Sebastian show, Battery Park

Overheard by: Lacey

Suit: You know how some people wing it? Well I wanged it. I totally wanged it.

–52nd & 7th

Overheard by: Jatmos

Asian guy: It seems like everyone is giving headjobs these days.

–Flinders St

Overheard by: duygu

Female nurse: I’m telling you, he is totally intercontinental. I have to change him 4 times a day.

–Hudson & Spring

Overheard by: AJ Stone

Wordsmith, on the phone: Ma’am, her train is being delayed because of constipation.

–Office, 1250 Broadway

Teen on cell: He’s not very smart…Yeah, I just need someone to conversate with.

–Macy’s

Overheard by: Chelsea

College guy: The word “secretion” just fucks me up.

–NYU

10-Year-Old boy: I ain’t speakin’ no language.

–B48 bus, Franklin & DeKalb

Overheard by: Kyri

Tourist: Sexual attention is the only language I really understand.

–Around the Clock Diner, Stuyvesant & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: gweny

Woman: The lesbians don’t like the Jews…I mean the Lebanese.

–Party, 16th & 1st

Girl: Stop staring at all the buildings, you look like a terrorist!…I mean tourist. Same thing.

–8th & Broadway

Overheard by: ceci

Girl: Oh, my shoes totally fell asleep…Fell asleep? Fell apart!

–Fort Greene Park, Brooklyn

Posted on August 28, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Languages, Shoes, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Words

…Isn't That a Demon??

Tiny elderly woman, angrily: I want some comfortable shoes that I can walk in!
Salesman: Oh, but we have so many…
Tiny elderly woman: I can't decide like that! Brands! Give me one brand!
Salesman: Mephisto.
Tiny elderly woman: No! Not Mephisto!

–Shoestore, W 72nd St

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Posted on March 30, 2016
Clerks, Customers, Offers and requests, Shoes, Shopping, Store, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Are Working on a Perfume Line

Flustered suit pacing along street: Just letting you know I got a FedEx from Bruce Willis, I guess he finally decided to pay his bills.

–84th St

Overheard by: mikaela

Man to dinner companion: So did you know Mia Farrow is doing a hunger strike? Because of what's happening in Darfur? I hope she dies.

–Red Bamboo, West Village

Transvestite: Damn, that girl looks like Brooke Shields. Damn, that white girl in the blue shoes looks like Brooke Shields.

–4 Train

Man giving out Metro newspaper: Metro! Metro! Whoooeee, baby, you looking like Jennifer Lopez! Metro!

–7 Train

Suit on cell: If he does it again I am going to get all Chuck Woolery on his ass!

–Gold St

Posted on March 9, 2016
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Compare/Contrast, Death, Friends, Men, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Politics, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Shoes, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Threats, Trannies, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

Do You Want Fat Feet?

Preppy girl #1, in orgasmic voice: Candy-covered chocolate uggs!
Preppy girl #2: Shut up, Tiffany!

–M79 Bus

Overheard by: Fresca P.

Posted on August 5, 2015
Food, Girls, On the Bus, Preppies, Shoes, Weirdness

Country Mouse, Wednesday One-Liner Mouse

Very happy male suit wearing slippers, shuffling down to the subway: If you can wear slippers in New York, you can wear slippers anywhere.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Lara

Suit on cell: I'm so glad to be in New York, where everyone is so mellow and everyone talks American.

–DiFara Pizzeria

Guy to date: That's what I love about New York–people wear different outfits.

–Outside Deluxe, 113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Dad to preteen daughter: See, I really don't have issues with citizens not from New York city.

–Forest Hills

Overheard by: depends on citizens

Woman on cell: I'm in New York, where Sesame Street lives.

–52nd & 7th

Overheard by: AEVRed

Southern lady on cell: I have to say I'm disappointed. I thought the Wal-Mart in New York would be amazing. Ya'll don't even have a Wal-Mart.

–Duane Reade, 34th & 8th

Posted on July 29, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Columbia University, Dads, Duane Reade, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Languages, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Shoes, Southerners, Store, Stupidity, Suits, Tourism, TV, Tweens, Weirdness, Women

It’s Vital to Show Them Who’s the Master

Tween girl: Hey, these are cool…
Teen girl, gasping in horror: You never say that to shoes!

–Shoe store, 80th & Columbus

Posted on July 27, 2015
Advice, Shoes, Store, Teens, Tweens

Back Up– What Guy's Blood?

Girl: Is that that guy's blood on your shoe?
Friend: Oh, no! That's actually chocolate ice cream from Mister Softee… Mmmm Mister Softee.
Girl: Oh, nice!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Maria

Posted on July 11, 2015
Blood & bleeding, Food, Friends, Girls, On the Subway, Questions, Shoes, Weirdness

Cinderella Y2K5

Man: Are you ok?
Woman: Oh, I’m not drunk, it’s these shoes.

–Marriott Marquis, Times Square

Posted on June 20, 2015
Drinking & Drunk People, Nice People, Shoes, Strangers, Times Square

Other Girls: Die, Tiny Skanks, Die!

Student #1: Oh, all the t-shirts are mediums.
Student #2: Well, that's okay, that just means they'll be really long. Like a dress!
Student #1: Oh my god, we could totally wear them as dresses, with like, tights and cowboy boots.
Student #2: We would.
Student #1: We so would.

–NYU Kimmel Center

Overheard by: right behind them in line…

Posted on June 2, 2015
Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Height, NYU, Shoes, Students

My Sister's Roommate's Cousin Knows Wednesday One-Liner's Agent

Young thug in crooked baseball hat to female friend: No, everyone should have the right to love Tom Cruise.

–41st & Lexington

40-something Midwest tourist to 40-something friends: Yeah, this is where Miley Cyrus was staying. (points to Sheraton hotel, friends gasp in excitement)

–53rd & 7th

Tourist son to mom: Let's go to the park and watch Jerry Seinfeld play softball.

–67th & Central Park West

Overheard by: Q

Random guy outside on corner: Yo, I just saw Phil Donahue. I just saw him walking down the street… (starts to sing in Cops theme song style) Whatchu gonna do when Phil Donahue comes for you? (pause) Yo, Phil Donahue is a crazy motherfucker!

–Astoria Boulevard, Queens

Girl on cell: Yeah, but I tower over him when I wear heels…and I'm not exactly sure if I'm ready to be Katie Holmes to his Tom Cruise.

–33rd & Broadway

Woman: Everywhere I go, I see either someone I know or a celebrity!

–69th & Columbus

Little boy to mother: Oooh…I thought Malcolm X was a singer.

–Flatbush & Beekman

Overheard by: Chelsea

Posted on May 20, 2015
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Boys, Brooklyn, Girls, Guys, History & Geography, Insults, Kids, Love, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Relationships, Shoes, Sports, Thugs, Tourists, TV, Women