Thug #1: … And I was like, ‘Damn, baby. I just bought you some pizza, we’re about to see a movie — is it really imperative that I buy you the Justin Timberlake CD so you can listen to it tonight?’
Thug #2: I know what you mean dog. My girl was beggin’ me to buy her that new Akon shit.
Thug #1: Why can’t bitches just be happy?
–116th St station
Thug #1: She got an abortion?
Thug #2: Bitch had a exorcism.
–N train
Overheard by: lindsey
College guy: Cannibal fetus appendix fucker!
Thug: Who are you callin’ a can– What the fuck was it you said?
–R train
Thug #1: Yo, when I go to McDonald’s I don’t just want a fuckin’ Number One with a mothafuckin’ Coke. I want a Number One, a Coke, and a mothafuckin’ smile.
Thug #2: Word.
–Q train platform, Union Square
Overheard by: Audrey Monaco
Thug #1: Yo, fuck them ‘Free Yayo’ t-shirt whack shits.
Thug #2: Them shits should say ‘Free Us from Yayo’ and on the back some ‘Whackness is a Crime’ shit. Cooold blooded! What ya’ll think?
Thug #3: Some of you niggas need to get t-shirts that say ‘Free Us from Illiteracy and Ignorance.’
–Bronx-bound 4 train
Overheard by: solar
Thug #1: Damn, how come every time a nigga tries to ride the subway the damn cops got to search ‘im?
Thug #2: Um, I dunno, maybe ’cause every time you see a cop, you yell, ‘Oh, shit, the po-lice!’ Fuckin’ dumbass. That wasted 10 fuckin’ minutes! I’m not ridin’ the train wit’ you no more.
Thug #1: Hey, it ain’t my fault! I’m from the projects. That’s, like, what we do!
–4 train
Overheard by: Mike N
Young thug #1: Man, you ain’t got no girl.
Young thug #2: I do, too, man.
Young thug #3: You mean that 13-year-old I saw with you the other day?
Young thug #2: She’s 16, man, and I just forgot her name.
–180th & 90th, Jamaica, Queens
Overheard by: Mehdi Hasan Sheikh
Big black guy #1: Do you know what time it is?
Cute hipster chick: 11:15.
Big black guy #1: Thank you.
Cute hipster chick walks away.
Big black guy #2, yelling after her: Yo, I gotta say, you sexy!
Big black guy #1: Shut up, that’s why they never talk to us!
–N 9th St & Bedford Ave, Brooklyn
Lady hobo: Y’all got some money up in here?! [Long pause] I’ll take some food… A fruit, a coke, a twizlah, a bag of chips, a hair comb. I will eat anything you give me! I ain’t ashamed! [Longer pause] Shoot. Aight. I’ll sing. I’ll goddamn sing y’all a song. Any of you object to this? Anyone object to me singing a goddamn lovely song? ‘Cause I’ll do it. Sir, sir, you object? Miss? [Passengers begin to laugh.] Okay, this is the last call for anyone who objects. One, two, three… [Starts singing old southern tune].
High school thug: Yo, is this shit too late to object to? Shut the fuck up.
–Brooklyn-bound F train
Overheard by: CrappedMyPantsOut
Black guy #1: Dawg, we been waitin’ here for a min– I think someone done jacked my shit.
Black guy #2: What? Yo, you serious?
Black guy #1: I’m for real. All my Sean John, Fubu — all my damn gear was in that shit.
Black guy #2: Nigga, don’t worry, just jack someone else’s shit. Don’t matter noway.
–Baggage claim, JFK
