Easy, Breezy, Beautiful: Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on phone: So, should I continue not being a whore or should I go get an emergency Brazilian?

–Lexington Ave & 58th

Girl to friend: No, I can't do tomorrow afternoon. I am getting waxed for the weekend. Just in case.

–3rd Ave & 80th St

Salesgirl to customer: You so have an exfoliating face!

–Sephora, 57th & Lexington

Overheard by: Amanda

Creepy hobo on payphone: So, you're doing your nails? Mmmmmm…

–Bleecker & Thompson

Overheard by: Thompson

Girl with pounds of makeup on: Yeah, I'm going on lunch right now. I am so exhausted, I did five makeovers today. Yeah, I am so tired…I had a butch.

–Elevator, Macy's

Overheard by: K Melv

Thug: All I want is a mani-pedi.

–72nd & Central Park West

Overheard by: wb

Posted on June 14, 2022
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Body Parts, Creepsters, Customers, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Hobos, Makeup, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Promiscuity, Sex, Store, Street, The Village, Thugs, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

…Why're People Staring at Us?

Youngblood thug #1: Yo, I just came from the doctor and my shit was just violated.
Youngblood thug #2: Nigga, what you talkn' bout?
Youngblood thug #1: He just grabbed my shit and told me to cough.
Youngblood thug #2: Yo dick?
Youngblood thug #1: Yeah, nigga!
Youngblood thug #2: Get the fuck outta here.
Youngblood thug #1, depressingly: Yeah, nigga.
Middle aged thug: That shit ain't nothing. I had a colonoscopy or whatever the fuck it's called.
Youngblood thug #1: What the fuck is that?
Middle aged thug: I don't know, but the nigga went up my ass.
Youngblood thug #1 and #2: What the fuck?
Middle aged thug: Nah, but I'm not gonna front, though that shit tickled at first.

–Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn

Posted on May 29, 2022
Ass, Backdoor, Brooklyn, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Thugs

If the Wednesday Fits, One-Liner It

Young thug to friends: Stop, stop, stop! Stop, seriously, stop. C'mon, I'm not kidding! Seriously. I have shoe phobia!

–Metro-North Rail

Guy with shoe in hand, catching up to woman who lost it: Here you go, Cinderella!

–Manhattan Mall

Overheard by: thorn

Manager of ladies' shoe store: It's easy to close. You put the hooker boots–all this hoochie stuff, with the hooker boots, you put the flats with the flats, you put the day shoes with the day shoes. Now, Narnia over there is another story…

–Macy's

Overheard by: Sarah R

Chick to guy: If you buy me Jimmy Choos, I'll have your baby.

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Lets hope she'll have the baby anyway…

Four-year-old girl stepping out of taxi: Mommy, can we go online to buy shoes today?

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: …wow.

Posted on May 24, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Bosses, Disney, Friends, Girls, Guys, Internet, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Malls, Moms, Offers and requests, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Prostitution, Psychology, Rockefeller Center, Shoes, Shopping, Store, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me…

Ghetto black woman to four-year-old son: The ice ain't gonna respect you, you gotta respect the ice, nigga.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Steven

Obnoxiously loud drunk guy: I need a girl who will respect my receding hairline!

–Virgil's, W 44th St

Overheard by: Check, please!

Thugette: I'm just going to say, "Look, I mean no disrespect, but go fuck yourself. I mean no disrespect, but just go fuck yourself."

–6 Train

Overheard by: i mean disrespect

20-something guy to friend: Man, you don't understand. I really respect this broad…

–35th St & Lexington

Posted on May 13, 2022
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Drunks, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Grand Central, Guys, Hair, Insults, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Thugs, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Cunt Hardly Wait

Thuggette: She just went in there to scoop her vagina out and then she came back.

–Hudson River Park

Teenage girl on cell: Yeah, I got a Brazilian wax for the first time yesterday. And now I'm afraid of the power of my own vagina.

–1 Train

Overheard by: westchester girl

Adorable little girl: I was born in 2002, from my mom's vagina.

–New York Harbor

Overheard by: Barry P.

Man to woman: Ohhhh, is she the one with maggots in her vagina?

–51st & 9th

Overheard by: Highstein

Chick on cell: Tell her to put that in her pipe and smoke it. Or even better, in her vagina. (sarcastically) Ooh, penetration!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Poogins

Very large black man: My penis' jus' as impo-tant as her vagina.
Small meek white man: (nods in agreement or fear)

–A Train

Posted on April 20, 2022
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Fears, Girls, Hudson River, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Parks, Penis, Penn Station, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Teens, Thugs, Vagina, Waxing, Weirdness

Love Means Never Having to Say “I'm Puking”

Spanish thug #1: I'm all about love, man, but I never say it, like, I loved my ex.
Spanish thug #2: What is love? And not the general meaning of it.
Spanish thug #1: It's like feeling sick to your stomach. (pause) Right?
Spanish thug #2: Yeah, that's good.

–Q27 Bus

Overheard by: trying to read in peace

Posted on April 16, 2022
Body Parts, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Latinos, Love, On the Bus, Philosophy, Questions, Thugs

Ashley, We're White!

Thuggette to random Latina girl: That's right, keep walkin' bitch! I'll throw yo' ass in the trash right 'bout now!
Thug: Can't we act civilized just for like, five minutes?
Thuggette: Fuck you, nigga!

–Times Square Subway Station

Overheard by: Tim

Posted on March 30, 2022
Default, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Insults, Offers and requests, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Thugs, Times Square, Violence

What Drug Could Make That Interesting?

Thug #1: Yo, what we gonna do today?
Thug #2: Do like my man in Big Daddy do — we go to the park and watch people trip over shit!

–Shuttle to Times Square

Overheard by: MC

Posted on March 17, 2022
Movies, Thugs, Times Square

I Wanna Fuck You Like an Wednesday One-Liner

Ghetto chick to friend: Remember when you took that chinchilla from me, back in the day?

–Q Train

Overheard by: Chloe

Grungy dude on cell: So I jumped on my horse and got the fuck outta there.

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: bildita

Guy: …and those Egyptians had crocodiles. Those crocodiles that shoot lasers out of their eyes.

–Metropolitian Musuem of Art

Overheard by: Bonkers in Yonkers

Hipster chick: Deer antlers. Everywhere I go, all I see are deer antlers. I’m getting sick of it.

–14th St & 1st Av

Overheard by: Larry

Thug: I’m like super pimp. I pimp men and women… And cats and dogs. Shit, I got the whole animal kingdom.

–10th & Broadway

Composed chick on cell: He’s a giraffe, and I’m a leopard, and I’m never gonna be a giraffe. I’ve tried and tried, but my destiny is as a leopard, you see? I can fake being a giraffe for awhile, but eventually I’m gonna have to rip his throat out and feed on his entrails. It’s in my nature. The only alternative is divorce.

–Billiard Hall, Elizabeth & Bowery

Posted on March 6, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Breaking Up, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Guys, Hipsters, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, Relationships, The Met, The Village, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness

As for the Third Arm, It’s a Long Story

Thug: God, is there anything wrong with you? Do you have horns?
Chick: No.
Thug: A third arm?
Chick: Nope.
Thug: Have you ever been in jail?
Chick: Nope.
Thug: Well, you know, I’ve been in jail…
Chick: Um…

–3rd between 13th & 14th

Overheard by: Elizabeth Wiederseim

Posted on February 23, 2022
Prison, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Thugs