Ex-Long-Islander #1: … But then he’d have to marry a– What’s the female equivalent of ‘guido’?
Ex-Long-Islander #2: I don’t know… ‘Bitch’?
–LIRR
Overheard by: sarah
Ex-Long-Islander #1: … But then he’d have to marry a– What’s the female equivalent of ‘guido’?
Ex-Long-Islander #2: I don’t know… ‘Bitch’?
–LIRR
Overheard by: sarah
Guy #1: There’s a laundromat! Should we get off?
Guy #2: No, let’s get off on the way back. Then we’ll be on the right side.
Guy #1: We’re on the right side now.
Guy #2: But there’s no way down to the street on this side.
Guy #1: The stairs are right there.
Guy #2: But they aren’t safe.
–Metro-North
Bimbette #1: Do you have sucking candy?
Bimbette #2: No, but I have gum.
Bimbette #1: I don’t want gum — I don’t want to chew and use my brain.
–LIRR
Overheard by: pbq
Man #1: It seems my first wife put my name down on a job application as a reference.
Man #2: Oh, yeah? How do you know?
Man #1: Somebody called me yesterday and asked, ‘Can you tell us something about her?’
Man #2: What did you say?
Man #1: I said, ‘She can’t cook and she’s lousy in bed! As long as the job don’t require that, I guess she’d be good.’
Man #2: What an idiot!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Allison
Lady: Excuse me, miss, could you move over a little?
Preggers: No, I’m pregnant. [Lady tries to squeeze in, pushing preggers.] If you push me again, I swear to God I’ll give birth on your feet right here on this train. Then everyone will be mad at you ’cause you pissed off the pregnant woman and made them all late for work!
–PATH train, 33rd St
Overheard by: Marz22
Passenger, after 30 minutes of delay: What do you suppose is going on up there?
Conductor, matter-of-factly: Someone is splattered all over the tracks for sure.
–Grand Central-bound Metro-North
Guy #1: Did you see that chick who was throwing up?
Guy #2: No.
Guy #1: She had a pretty nice body.
–Metro-North
Mom, about man on train with flowers: Awww, he has flowers. They’re probably for his girlfriend.
Eight-year-old daughter: Mom, you never know! They could be for a boy.
–LIRR
Black guy #1: Yes, well, we look alike because we’re fraternal twins.
Black guy #2: Yeah, you didn’t know we were brothers?
White guy: Everyone said you guys were brothers, but I figured they meant ‘brothas’ and not actual brothers.
Black guy #1: Oh… Okay. Hey, look, we’re at Shea.
–LIRR, Shea Stadium
Tourist: Is this the 1:13 to Trenton?
Suit: No.
Tourist: Oh, well, where is that?
Suit: Are you just, like, picking track numbers and hoping for the best? Go read the screen, you dumbass.
Tourist: You don’t have to be rude.
Suit: You don’t have to be stupid.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Erin
