Trains Not Subway

Heave-Ho, Wednesday One-Liners!

Girl to friend passed out on stoop: Michelle! Michelle! I’ma take your picture for your MySpace page! Throw up again!

–University & E 9th St

Overheard by: Thompson

Chick: It’s not like I miss my parents or anything, but it’s just that the toilets here are so gross to throw up in.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Mark Jochens

Vomiting thugette: I don’t even know what that is… Oh, God, that’s pizza!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: traPt

Cute chick: I was way too drunk to do anything but have sex, throw up a pizza burger, and take a shower… in that order.

–The Black Sheep, 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Argopelter

Student to another: I dunno… All I heard is that he threw up all over his daughter’s teacher!

–Mercer University

Overheard by: J Dawg

Conductor: Hey, here’s a novel idea — if you have to vomit, vomit on yourself! Not on the ground, on yourself!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Dave

If You Want to Get Thrown to the Rats

Child: Mommy, look! Do you see that rat?!
Mother: Yes.
Child: Oooh, Mommy, look! Do you see that piece of paper?!
Mother: Yes.
Child: Oooh, Mommy! Can I bite you?!
Mother: Yes.

–PATH

Turns Out She Only Has One Head After All

Lush guy: I didn’t even recognize his sister. She looked a little different.
Lush chick: Because you were sober?
Lush guy: Yeah, that’s it!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Jess McGins

You Never Have a Penis!

LI girl #1: Want to make out?
LI girl #2, angrily: No! We’ve been down that road before, Meghan!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Climate Changer

… Updating God’s MySpace Profile for Him

Bald white monk in orange robes: [Mumbling to himself.]Bimbette, to friend: I guess he’s, like, praying for a safe journey.
Bald white monk in orange robes: No, I’m on the phone [shows BlackBerry].

–Metro-North

Overheard by: jharris

More Fun Than Anything I Could’ve Done on Long Island

Chick #1: So, what happened with you and that guy from the bar last night?
Chick #2: Oh, him? We went back to my place and had sex.
Chick #1: Oooh… How was it?!
Chick #2: Eh, it wasn’t the best. He wanted to do anal, and I was tired and drunk, so I was like, ‘Whatever…’
Chick #1: Oh my god, really? I would never do anal…
Chick #2: Eh, I thought so, too, but turns out it’s really not that bad. It’s just like shitting… only in reverse.

–LIRR

She Should Keep Talking to Him

Headache medicine flyer girl: Sir, do you have a headache?
Suit: Not yet.

–Hoboken PATH station

Overheard by: Bo

That’s Really More of a Kingdom Than a Species

Ex-Long-Islander #1: … But then he’d have to marry a– What’s the female equivalent of ‘guido’?
Ex-Long-Islander #2: I don’t know… ‘Bitch’?

–LIRR

Overheard by: sarah

Although They Had a Number of Adventures, Wallace and Gromit Never Made It to the Laundromat

Guy #1: There’s a laundromat! Should we get off?
Guy #2: No, let’s get off on the way back. Then we’ll be on the right side.
Guy #1: We’re on the right side now.
Guy #2: But there’s no way down to the street on this side.
Guy #1: The stairs are right there.
Guy #2: But they aren’t safe.

–Metro-North

Why the Bush Administration Issues Peppermints

Bimbette #1: Do you have sucking candy?
Bimbette #2: No, but I have gum.
Bimbette #1: I don’t want gum — I don’t want to chew and use my brain.

–LIRR

Overheard by: pbq

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