Trains Not Subway

JAP getting off at Berkeley Heights: I was getting anxious about getting anxious! It was like I had anxiety about getting anxiety! What? No, the pills aren’t for that. Shut up, Mom! I’ll call you later.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: embarrassed to live in jersey

JAP on cell: You know, it just goes to show you how sensitive we’ve become in this country to sexual misconduct and sexual… Sexual… What’s the word? Being sued.

–116th & Broadway

JAP on cell: … And then I totally just, like, bought it at Bergdorf’s… No, no! Not Bloomingdale’s — Bergdorf’s! You know, as in Bergdorf Cohen’s?

–serendipipty

Blonde JAP: Like, this is totally tighter than my colonoscopy. Ugh!

–Crowded A train

JAP on cell: Oh, that guy? I think he lost interest in me. One day I said something about how all the girls on the Upper East Side look the same and are totally boring, and he said, ‘But yeah! That’s you, too!’

–83rd & 3rd

Overheard by: A&M

Girl to friend passed out on stoop: Michelle! Michelle! I’ma take your picture for your MySpace page! Throw up again!

–University & E 9th St

Overheard by: Thompson

Chick: It’s not like I miss my parents or anything, but it’s just that the toilets here are so gross to throw up in.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Mark Jochens

Vomiting thugette: I don’t even know what that is… Oh, God, that’s pizza!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: traPt

Cute chick: I was way too drunk to do anything but have sex, throw up a pizza burger, and take a shower… in that order.

–The Black Sheep, 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Argopelter

Student to another: I dunno… All I heard is that he threw up all over his daughter’s teacher!

–Mercer University

Overheard by: J Dawg

Conductor: Hey, here’s a novel idea — if you have to vomit, vomit on yourself! Not on the ground, on yourself!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Dave

Child: Mommy, look! Do you see that rat?!
Mother: Yes.
Child: Oooh, Mommy, look! Do you see that piece of paper?!
Mother: Yes.
Child: Oooh, Mommy! Can I bite you?!
Mother: Yes.

–PATH

Lush guy: I didn’t even recognize his sister. She looked a little different.
Lush chick: Because you were sober?
Lush guy: Yeah, that’s it!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Jess McGins

LI girl #1: Want to make out?
LI girl #2, angrily: No! We’ve been down that road before, Meghan!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Climate Changer

Bald white monk in orange robes: [Mumbling to himself.]Bimbette, to friend: I guess he’s, like, praying for a safe journey.
Bald white monk in orange robes: No, I’m on the phone [shows BlackBerry].

–Metro-North

Overheard by: jharris

Chick #1: So, what happened with you and that guy from the bar last night?
Chick #2: Oh, him? We went back to my place and had sex.
Chick #1: Oooh… How was it?!
Chick #2: Eh, it wasn’t the best. He wanted to do anal, and I was tired and drunk, so I was like, ‘Whatever…’
Chick #1: Oh my god, really? I would never do anal…
Chick #2: Eh, I thought so, too, but turns out it’s really not that bad. It’s just like shitting… only in reverse.

–LIRR

Headache medicine flyer girl: Sir, do you have a headache?
Suit: Not yet.

–Hoboken PATH station

Overheard by: Bo

Ex-Long-Islander #1: … But then he’d have to marry a– What’s the female equivalent of ‘guido’?
Ex-Long-Islander #2: I don’t know… ‘Bitch’?

–LIRR

Overheard by: sarah

Guy #1: There’s a laundromat! Should we get off?
Guy #2: No, let’s get off on the way back. Then we’ll be on the right side.
Guy #1: We’re on the right side now.
Guy #2: But there’s no way down to the street on this side.
Guy #1: The stairs are right there.
Guy #2: But they aren’t safe.

–Metro-North