Customer: Do you have pancetta?
Deli guy: We have white cetta and orange cetta.
Customer: Okay. Do you have prosciutto?
–The Met, Smith St, Brooklyn
Overly tanned gentleman with crisp white shirt: Yo, my brotha, you gotta bib?
Waiter: Uhhh…
–Cafe, Forest Hills
Overheard by: Amanda
Waiter: …and how about a bread? Perhaps a poori or naan bread.
Guy: Naan for me thanks.
Waiter: Are you sure? It is very good bread…
–Mitali, E. 6th St.
Overheard by: John
Waiter: We do have a great selection of cocktails.
Customer: That just makes me feel queer.
–Max Brenner’s, 14th & Broadway
Customer: How’s the hummus?
Waiter: It tastes like tree bark.
–Around the Clock Cafe
Waiter: I’ve got chocolate all over my pants!
–Cold Springs
Construction man to Indian restaurant server: Can I get a chicken lo mein?
Server: Uh… That's Chinese food, this is an Indian food restaurant. The Chinese take-out is next door, but it's closed.
Construction man to walkie talkie: Hey, Charlie, this is a Thai place and they don't have chicken lo mein. Want something else instead?
–Indian Restaurant, Brooklyn Bridge
Overheard by: HungryMan
Elderly man to waiter: You know, that looks like 'shrooms.
Waiter: Sir, this is couscous.
–Broadway & 90th
Overheard by: GuyonaMac
Headline by: Bojo
Runners-Up:
· “All Of Us Have a Bad Experience with Rice-A-Roni” – the blue one
· “Bernie’s Attempts at Discreetly Finding a Drug Dealer Have Failed Yet Again” – RaeAn
· “It’s Not Easy Being Keith Richards’ Waiter” – I’ll have the mushroom soup
· “Well, Then You Clearly Got My Order Wrong.” – Timmy
· “Whatever, As Long As It Gets Me Where I Want to Go” – PeterG
Server: Would you ladies like iced water or bottled water?
20-something girl: Do we have to pay for bottled water?
Server: Um, yes.
20-something girl: Oh, then no. I'll just have a beer.
–Pisticci Restaurant, La Salle & Broadway
Overheard by: Edd
Fabulous diner ordering coffee: …with half and half.
Waiter: We're a dairy free restaurant, but we have organic whole milk.
–Josie's, 74th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Where's a dictionary?
