Customer: Are any of your soups vegetarian?
Soup guy: Yes, the lentil and vegetable soups are.
Customer: I don’t trust you.
Soup guy: I make the soups.
Customer: Well, I just don’t trust you.
Soup guy, to next customer: Can I help you?
Customer: Hang on now, I still don’t trust you!

–Pax, 40th & 6th Ave

Waiter: Why don’t they just make commercial flamethrowers?
Maître d’: I dunno, but how else are you supposed to kill zombies?

–Cascata Café, Bleecker

Patron: What do you suggest if I don't want red meat?
Luger's waiter: Another restaurant.

–Peter Luger's

Overheard by: glad I didn't ask for their tofu dish

Customer: Do you have pancetta?
Deli guy: We have white cetta and orange cetta.
Customer: Okay. Do you have prosciutto?

–The Met, Smith St, Brooklyn

Overly tanned gentleman with crisp white shirt: Yo, my brotha, you gotta bib?
Waiter: Uhhh…

–Cafe, Forest Hills

Overheard by: Amanda

Waiter: …and how about a bread? Perhaps a poori or naan bread.
Guy: Naan for me thanks.
Waiter: Are you sure? It is very good bread…

–Mitali, E. 6th St.

Overheard by: John

Waiter: We do have a great selection of cocktails.
Customer: That just makes me feel queer.

–Max Brenner’s, 14th & Broadway

Customer: How’s the hummus?
Waiter: It tastes like tree bark.

–Around the Clock Cafe

Waiter: I’ve got chocolate all over my pants!

–Cold Springs

Construction man to Indian restaurant server: Can I get a chicken lo mein?
Server: Uh… That's Chinese food, this is an Indian food restaurant. The Chinese take-out is next door, but it's closed.
Construction man to walkie talkie: Hey, Charlie, this is a Thai place and they don't have chicken lo mein. Want something else instead?

–Indian Restaurant, Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard by: HungryMan