Waiter from Minnesota: Yeah, check it out! Minnesota is the 2nd healthiest-eating state!
Bartender from Brooklyn: What do you eat in Minnesota?
Waiter: Well, there are a lot of Scandinavians there so we eat like, you know, sandwiches.
Bartender: (silence)
Waiter: What?
Bartender: You’re actually serious, aren’t you?
–Greenwich Ave & 7th Ave
Overheard by: TrigStarr
Global teacher, about review packet: You must look at my package in order to see what’s there!
–History Class, Bronx HS of Science
Overheard by: Lillian
Woman in business suit on cell: Yeah, work is crazy right now because I have a big release coming out next week. (pauses) That’s what he said.
–26th & Park
Overheard by: absnola
Lady in the audience: Which one is Patti LuPone?
–St. James Theater
Dorky older guy to female bank teller (smiling): I’ve got a really big deposit for you.
(teller looks down and starts laughing)
–Chase Bank, 24th & 7th
Overheard by: Joe
Timid Asian deli boy to deli owner: Excuse me, I don’t know how to do number two.
–Deli, Union Square
Black waiter to Asian female customer: Enjoy your black balls.
–Ninja, Hudson St
Drive-thru customer: Can I have a medium fries and a medium Coke?
Counter girl: We don’t got a medium Coke.
Customer: Okay… Um… Can I have a large Coke?
Counter girl: We don’t got no large Coke either!
Customer: Ummm…
Counter girl: We got no small, medium or large Coke, and no small, medium or large Sprite!
Customer: Oh… You’re out of Coke. Okay… No drink, then.
Counter girl: I tol’ you, we out of Coke! What do you want to drink?
Customer: Ummm… Nothing?
Counter girl: We got nothing. Your total is $2.35. Drive around.
–Wendy’s, Rockaway
Overheard by: christine
Diner: That’s an interesting accent. Are you Jamaican?
Waiter: No, I’m from Trinidad.
Diner: Oh! My sister spent a year in Kenya!
Waiter: You know that Trinidad is in the Caribbean, right?
Diner: Oh. No, I guess I didn’t.
–Alice’s Teacup Restaurant, 73rd & Columbus
Man to waiter making tea: Hey, you know how many Mexicans it takes to make iced tea? None! Because you’re not Mexican! Ha!
Waiter: Why would you say that? I am Mexican.
–Mike’s Café, Brooklyn
Customer: Hey, I think you have a roach over there.
Waiter: Yeah, there are rats, too.
–Ave A
Waiter: How is everything? Is the food okay?
Guy, staring at him: It’s absolutely gorgeous.
–Ethiopian restaurant, Houston St
Waiter: Would you care for a glass of wine or a cocktail?
Old lady: No, thanks, we’re heavy drug users.
–Caffe Grazie, 84th & Madison
Overheard by: mom thought that was funny
Patron: I’d like a grilled special.
Waiter: We don’t grill ’em.
Patron: Yes, you do. I had one last week.
Waiter: You got lucky.
–Katz’s Deli, Houston
