Waiter: Would you care for a glass of wine or a cocktail?
Old lady: No, thanks, we’re heavy drug users.
–Caffe Grazie, 84th & Madison
Overheard by: mom thought that was funny
Waiter: Would you care for a glass of wine or a cocktail?
Old lady: No, thanks, we’re heavy drug users.
–Caffe Grazie, 84th & Madison
Overheard by: mom thought that was funny
Patron: I’d like a grilled special.
Waiter: We don’t grill ’em.
Patron: Yes, you do. I had one last week.
Waiter: You got lucky.
–Katz’s Deli, Houston
Customer: What time does the live entertainment begin?
Waiter: Around 11 p.m.
Customer: Can you call and ask them to start early? It’s eight p.m., and I’m here now.
–Rafina Taverna, 78th & York
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
A well-dressed, middle-aged woman is being kicked out of a restaurant for inviting herself to sit at several other customers’ tables.
Waiter: Come on, you have to leave.
Woman: Baby, there is basically an aura about me. Would you care to venture through it?
–Restaurant, W 4th St
Worker #1: It should be really slow tonight, because it’s the holiday where all Jews can’t go out of their houses.
Worker #2: You mean, they can’t step outside at all?
Worker #1: Well, I don’t know if they have to stay in their actual houses, but wherever they are, it’s not here!
–Yom Kippur, Cosi restaurant
Waiter: Every time I see you, you look younger.
Older man: Oh?
Waiter: Younger, fresher, more rejuvenated…
Older man: I’ll remember you in my will.
–Diner, Broadway & 78th
Old matronly black woman: Wanna go to a hotel? I feel like fucking…Let’s go!
Young Pakistani waiter: Get out of here, you crazy old bat!
Old matronly black woman: I still got it in me to fuck!
–Coffee Shop, Bronx
Overheard by: soulgrrl
Customer: I’ll have a twelve-inch wheat —
Deli guy: Foot-long, or half?
Customer: Um… twelve inches. Isn’t that a foot?
Deli guy: Foot-long, or half?
Customer: I think you’re missing something here.
–Subway, Elmsford
Overheard by: Bored Beyond Belief
Girl: And can I get brown rice with my order?
Waiter: No, we don’t have brown rice here. Only white rice.
Girl: Oh, OK.
Waiter: We don’t consider brown rice Chinese food.
–40th & 2nd
