Wednesday One-Liners Have a Discharge, but Not from the Army

Girl: I gotta wake up at eight AM for this class, and I ain’t even curin’ AIDS or anythin’!

–Columbia University

Teen buying travel-size toothpaste, toothbrush, and mouthwash: Do you have a bathroom?! Can I use your bathroom?! I just made out with a guy who has herpes — you have to let me use the goddamn bathroom!

–Duane Reade, Amsterdam

JAP on cell: Well, was it a lot of herpes?

–24th & 6th

Overheard by: Austin

Chick: It was alright… He did me in the butt. Wait… Can you get STDs from doing it in the butt? [Friend laughs.] What’s funny? I’m serious!

–Manhattan-bound L train

Suit on cell: He wants a birthday present, too? I already gave him chlamydia this week! Who does he think I am, fucking Santa?!

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: JoshOnTheBus

Posted on November 21, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, STDs, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Aren’t Just a Phase, Dad

Amazed guy: So, I totally thought I was gay ’til I fucked her!

–Chinatown

Overheard by: Wex

Hot Indian girl with friend: I should host a gay reading hour where I regale the gays with stories of my encounters with B-list celebrities. They can all sit on a carpet at my feet.

–S’Nice, off 8th Ave

Overheard by: Robert

Suit: I had to move to Westchester — my wife would’ve found out I was gay if we stayed in the city.

–38th & 5th

Biotech: Protesting is gay.

–Manhattan College

Overheard by: Marco M.

Teen hipster, vehemently: I swear, I was talking about this with my mom. I really want to be a gay man!

–Hammerstein Ballroom

Pretty mom on cell, pushing stroller: She’s gay… Well, mostly gay. She’ll fuck a guy in a pinch.

–7th Ave & Union, Park Slope

Posted on November 21, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Sexuality, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Played Grand Theft Auto in Drivers’ Ed

EMT assisting guy covered in blood: We’re going to take you to Wyckoff Hospital. It’s– oh, man! You have a Wii!

–Bushwick

Overheard by: Cait O’Connor

Mom to son playing video game poorly: No! You gotta get out the way! Don’t let them things get ya! Them sharks is trying to get ya! [Sighs.]

–125th St station

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Man to friend: Okay, so we’ll go play some video games and then go watch some naked women.

–Times Square

Little boy cheering on friend playing game: Yay, you get to kill people!

–GameStop, South St Seaport

Overheard by: Robert

Posted on November 21, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Video Games, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Can’t Believe the Filth and the Prices

NY-er, as visitor friend hesitates at crosswalk: It is so touristy to be afraid of getting hit by cars.

–34th & Broadway

Father to young son: The species tourist vulgaris is identified by the fanny pack and the new white sneakers.

–45th & Broadway

Overheard by: poomer

Woman with southern twang: The only good thing about living in this shithole is at least no one thinks I’m a tourist anymore.

–Woodhaven & Jamaica

Chick seeing group of Japanese tourists with cameras and "I <3 NY" shirts: Stereotype! –Washington Square Park Overheard by: lezbotron

Posted on November 14, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Tourism, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

The Breastesses of Wednesday One-Liners

Puerto Rican mom to son eating sour candies: You best not be gettin’ that sugar all over my titties, nigga!

–4 train to Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Carly

Hipster girl: So, he asked if he could touch my boob, but I told him I already had someone.

–Studio B

Overheard by: Trosster

Man: You fucking impostor! Impostor! Men have chests, not titties, bitch!

–Lincoln Place, Prospect Heights, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Audrey

Woman: Okay, should we start a Facebook group for people with great cleavage? Or is that déclassé?

–Bedford & 7th, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Ladle

French woman to friend: You can’t have breasts in New York.

–Elevator, Magazine publishing company

Posted on November 14, 2007
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Wednesday One-Liners: For All Your 2000 Parts

Middle-aged man: If I wanted to gouge his eyes out, I’d have his eyes in my pocket right now.

–11th & 5th

Overheard by: Max

Fat teen: I don’t know about you, but my clit is real low… Like, down near my ass.

–110th & Central Park West

Overheard by: Kong

Guy on cell: What fell out yo’ foot? What do you mean, the bone fell out yo’ foot! Put it back in!

–Penn Station

Woman preaching to two friends: I can’t believe he couldn’t find the ovary. I mean, if you’ve seen an ovary once, you know how to find it again. It’s not hard.

–F train

Overheard by: commuter

Woman on cell: I’m sorry, baby, what part of your body are you talking about? … Oh, God.

–A train

Posted on November 14, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

The First Rule of Wednesday One-Liners Is “Don’t Talk about Wednesday One-Liners”

Suit on cell: I don’t understand — you’re a grown woman. Why did you start kicking him, and why are you still kicking him if he didn’t kick back?

–City Hall

Overheard by: Jenny

Ghetto girl on cell: … And I still have to punch her in the face for telling him I have TB.

–Bryant Park

Drunk mailman on cell: Oh, yeah, you really should come and hang out! I’m gonna kick someone’s ass tonight!

–13th & 3rd

Overheard by: rachel

Chick: Yeah, well, at least I don’t have to go to anger management classes, Mom!

–Central Park

Ghetto chick: Okay, I’ll see you later. Be safe, get home safe, and if you see Simone, smack her in the mouth for me.

–LIRR

Ghetto girl to white friend: You better not say, ‘Two paths diverged in a wood,’ or I’m gonna beat yo’ ass.

–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn

Posted on November 14, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Fighting and ass kicking, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday More-Than-One-Liners

Girl to friends: Yeah, I heard she had a threesome and then kicked him in the face.

–Taste of China

Hot blonde: We’ve shared way too much of too many men.

–140th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Italian guy on cell: Okay, if twins have a threesome, is it incest or masturbation? Well, I think they should cancel each other out, so that makes it okay, right? So should I ask her, then?

–96th & 3rd

Overheard by: Haggs

20-ish guy: Just think of that: two niggas and three bitches. That’s a ménage and a half, son.

–A train

Chick on cell: Awww, we missed the gang bang! … I had a bagel for dinner.

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: McNasty

Posted on November 14, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Three is Company, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Get Blood All Over Their Clown Suits

Biotech, indignantly: I didn’t have sex when I was 13! I waited ’til I was 14.

–Doma Cafe & Gallery, Perry St

Overheard by: Kate

Hairstylist, joking with customer in chair: Yeah, I mean, prepubescent and androgynous was so last season. [Thinks for a moment, then] Actually, it really was.

–Soho

Overheard by: Sooo not last year

Hot chick shouting across intersection to friend: … And stop sleeping with underage boys!

–55th & Madison

Young father to twin toddler sons: That pigeon might be a pedophile.

–Outside Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: kritta