Bag lady: Excuse me, everyone– if you could be generous enough to make a donation… My husband got sick and is out of work, and I’m trying to raise some money for us to eat. He’s staying over at the shelter right now.
Dude: Stand by your man. My wife left me to fuck rich guys when I was down on my luck.
–L train
Annoyed bimbette: You cannot go out with him! Like, who will go and pick up random guys with me?
Brunette: I’ll still go out with you.
Annoyed bimbette: No, I know you — you’ll say ‘yes’ when he asks you out. You can’t go out with him. Oh, yeah, wait — he’s younger than you. You can get him pussy-whipped like that. You have to go out with him.
Brunette, defeated: Okay.
–S79 bus
Skinny girl #1, reading magazine: Why are they showing Jessica Biel’s diet? She’s not even skinny.
Skinny girl #2: Seriously! They should show Nicole Richie’s diet: don’t eat.
–73rd & Columbus
Girl #1: I mean, who has sex without protection? I know I’d always use a condom… If I ever had sex, that is.
Girl #2: But you’d never have sex.
Girl #1: Yes… Abstinence is key!
–Central Park
Girl #1, about raffia ribbon: But the other place is like a dollar for three yards, so even if I don’t want a hundred yards, I’d probably buy ten of those, so it would be ten dollars plus shipping, meaning I’d spend about the same but only have thirty yards instead of a hundred. So even though I don’t need that many yards, I’d rather buy the hundred-yard spool just because it’s so much better a deal. But who needs a hundred yards of raffia ribbon?!
Girl #2: Is there anything else you can do with it?
Random guy: There’s so much you can do with raffia ribbon! You can wrap presents, do scrapbooking…! There are a million things!
–Canal & Hudson
Junior girl #1: I know! So many people are getting mono now — it’s ridiculous.
Junior girl #2: I know! Kaitlyn and I agreed that if one of us gets it, we’re giving it to the other.
Junior girl #1: Why?
Kaitlyn: Because you get sooo skinny when you get mono! It’s, like, the best way to lose weight!
Junior girl #1: Oh.
–Dining hall of private school
Voice of girl #1 from cell: Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Can you hear me now?
Girl #2, into cell: Well, if you would shut the fuck up, then I could hear you!
–Houston & Broadway
Woman #1: I hate my life… But I can’t leave my husband — I love him.
Woman #2: But your fucking husband is sleeping with three other women–
Woman #1: –I know!
–40th & 6th
Overheard by: jimbo
Building super #1: You seen that bird we got in the courtyard? That thing got a mad long beak.
Building super #2: It’s probably a woodpecker.
Building super #1: It ain’t no fuckin’ woodpecker! Someone need to call the ASPCA or some shit before that thing bite someone and give ’em bird flu or some shit!
–2 train, 14th St
Overheard by: Chuckell
Roommate #1: Work sucks. I’m so tired. I’m going to go to bed.
Roommate #2: Yeah, you should go to bed. You seem pretty sad, but not as sad as you’re going to be tomorrow morning.
Roommate #1: Yeah. Tomorrow’s going to suck.
Roommate #2: Hey, man, don’t worry. Tomorrow is going to be great! Good things are going to happen.
Roommate #1: Yeah, but not to us.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: Dave
