Wednesday One-Liners Are Too Cool for Shul

Hipster guy: I mean, she’s a Jewish. She’s not, like, a bad person, I think.

–44th & 9th

Overheard by: …right.

Dude: He’s that kind of super-serious Jew that doesn’t touch women. I think they call it ‘Hava Nagila.’

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Middle school girl trying to catch snowflakes in her mouth: These snowflakes are so antisemitic! They won’t go in my mouth!

–110th & Amsterdam

Blonde on cell: I just don’t see us working out. All my friends hate you, my mom hates you, and even my dog hates you… My mom hates you because you’re not Jewish… Yes, I’m aware I’m Catholic… Because Jews are financially secure!

–Starbucks, Upper West Side

Frustrated Jewish guy: I mean, look at these people and their Red Sox yarmulkes! What is this world coming to?!

–Judaism Debate, Cooper Union

Shiksa seeing menorah-shaped chocolates: Oooh, combs!

–Party, W 72nd & Broadway

Posted on March 19, 2008
Animals & Nature, Breaking Up, Catholics, Christianity, Clothing, College, Default, Family Ties, Fears, Girls, God Squad, Guys, Hipsters, Hitler/Nazis, Jews, Judaism, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, Questions, Relationships, Rockefeller Center, Shiksas (& other Gentiles), Starbucks, Stupidity, Tourist Attractions, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires, Words

Would You Like to Hear the Litany of All My Self-Inflicted Problems?

Guy in elevator: God, it’s hot! Must be my underwear…
Chick: Underwear, yeah?
Guy in elevator: Yeah, I got plastic underwear… [Chick is silent.] … For easy cleaning.

–28th & 6th

Posted on March 15, 2008
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Default, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Heat, Kink, Lies

Think about It — What Are the Odds?

Activist girl: Sir, ma’am, do you have one minute to help the Democratic party?
Chipper passerby chick: No, but I have your shirt!
Activist girl, unimpressed: Awesome.

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: Christiana Little

Posted on February 25, 2008
Clothing, Default, Girls, Politics, Strangers, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

He Prefers You Barefoot and Pregnant

Hardhat #1: God don’t care if you wearin’ a choir robe.
Hardhat #2: Tha’s right.
Hardhat #1: God don’t care if you dressed like a priest.
Hardhat #2: Tha’s right.
Hardhat #1: Because God don’t care how you dressed.

–97th & Riverside Dr

Headline by: 6th Floor Blogger

Runners-Up:
· “God Would Prefer That You Remove the Ball-Gag During Communion” – dan
· “That’s Right. But Could You Please Put on Some Pants?” – Babakganoosh
· “The Undiscovered 11th Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Wear Crocs” – Meg
· “To Sum Up: God Loves Strippers.” – RaindanceRichard

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on February 14, 2008
Blue-collar workers, Clothing, Coworkers, Headline Contest Winners, Religion

Must You Criticize Me in Front of Strangers?

Black boy: Damn! Yo’ jeans are tight!
Hipster: Yeah.
Black boy: Can yo’ balls breathe?
Hipster: [Scoffs.]Black girl: Rodney, why you always gotta do that? Plus, you know your ass is dirty.

–Bergen & Smith St, Cobble Hill, Brooklyn

Posted on February 11, 2008
Black People, Brooklyn, Clothing, Hipsters, Questions

Wednesday One-Liners Join the AARP

Old guy with gray hair: I used to be an old guy with gray hair!

–Mott & Canal St

Overheard by: Will

80-year-old man: What is rough sex? Do I put her against the wall? I don’t know.

–10th & 3rd

Overheard by: Liz

Old lady struggling to get layers of scarves and coats off: I’m not used to having to put clothes on.

–New York Historical Society

Old lady on cell: Old people like sex! I’m 85, and I still like me some sex!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: imerikaf

75-year-old lady to hobo on bench: Oh, wow, you look so cozy!

–Central Park

Old man with cane to 20-ish girl who just nabbed the cab he hailed: Happy holidays, you dumb bitch!

–62nd & 2nd

Old white guy: Fo’ shizzle!

–Outside Nederlander Theatre

Posted on January 30, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Clothing, Comebacks, Hair, Insults, Kink, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, Port Authority, Questions, Sex, The Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

Permission Denied!

Short scene girl: I’m trying to bring back the bandanna. For sure. It makes me look like a bandit, no?
Tall scene girl: Oh, but of course. Myself, I’m trying to bring back the side pony.
Fat girl: How about the vest? Can I bring back the vest? Hmmm?
Other girls, in unison: Shut the fuck up.

–Whole Foods

Overheard by: Kelly

Posted on January 21, 2008
Biotechs, Clothing, Fashion, Store

She’s Unconscious and Naked Right Now

Lady: Why are you wearing a St. John’s shirt? Do you go there?
13-year-old girl: It’s a college, Agnes.
Lady: Do you go there?
13-year-old girl: No, my sister does.
Lady: Then why isn’t she wearing it?

–McDonald’s, Francis Lewis Blvd & Willets Pt, Queens

Posted on January 3, 2008
Biotechs, Clothing, Queens

It Looks Like Goodwill, Honey, but I Wanted to Give You the Benefit of the Doubt

Fortune teller: Excuse me, miss, where did you get your dress?
Pretty brunette: Don’t you know?

–Mulberry & Canal

Posted on December 25, 2007
Chinatown, Clothing, Questions, Strangers

The Scandalous Scanties of Wednesday One-Liners

Blonde on cell: I’m totally excited about getting out of the city and camping for the weekend… Yeah… Yeah… No, I packed like six pairs of underwear — there’s no way I’m going to run out like last time.

–F train

Overheard by: only in NYC

JAP: Yeah, I lost my underwear there last night.

–50th & 6th

80-year-old man on cell: I’m over in the lingerie department. I’m touching all the panties.

–Macy’s, Herald Square

Overheard by: Kate Melvin

Drunk chick: She doesn’t even wear a thong! It’s like she’s a dude or some shit.

–W 10th & Hudson

Middle-aged man: So tell me, how do I unhook a bra?

–Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard by: Walking the bridge