Dude #1: Did you talk to Kelly last night?
Dude #2: Yeah — I texted her, and now she won’t talk to me.
Dude #1: What did you text her?
Dude #2: That I wanted to put it in her.
–Penn Station
Dude #1: Did you talk to Kelly last night?
Dude #2: Yeah — I texted her, and now she won’t talk to me.
Dude #1: What did you text her?
Dude #2: That I wanted to put it in her.
–Penn Station
Creepy man, about tourist’s rack: Are those real?
Tourist girl to friend: Whoa, I guess we should have left our nice purses at home…
–Broadway
Dirty Casanova: Yeah, but I always have fun over at First Ave. The other day I saw this crackhead running around naked in front of the club.
Cute girl: He must’ve been freezing.
Dirty Casanova: Yeah, I know what that’s like… Not running naked in the cold, but being addicted to crack.
–G train, Metropolitan stop
Overheard by: Jason Hamlin
Man with kid: So, that day I was holding my dog and walking down the stairs when all of a sudden I just fell… And guess what?! My dog landed flat on my face! His ass was on my face! His ass!
Friend: Ummm…
–Springfield, Queens
Chick to friend: That guy in the Starbucks across the street was such a douchebag.
Guy behind her, leaning in: I can be a douchebag if you want me to [winks].
–Starbucks, St. Mark’s Pl
Overheard by: Alanna
Mid-30s male: I thought that we would see more chicks in this place…
Mid-50s male: Yeah! I mean, this is, like, a total sausage-fest in here.
Mid-30s male: Look at that slut over there. You could see her fucking nipples from a mile away.
Mid-50s male: I can’t see shit. Where’s my fucking glasses when I need them?
–MoMA
Overheard by: Wow! Where are the women
Outdoorsy woman: I raise horses on our farm in Kentucky.
Guy: Yeah? I saw this program on the Discovery Channel about artificially inseminating horses.
Outdoorsy woman: We do it the natural way.
Guy: Why do they do artificial insemination?
Outdoorsy woman: So that the stallion doesn’t have to travel. Also, you can inseminate numerous mares with one ejaculation.
Guy: I saw this guy stick his arm all the way up into the mare to inseminate her.
Outdoorsy woman: How did you like the size of the cock on the stallion?
Guy: Are you kidding? I want a transplant.
Waitress: Would you like to hear our specials tonight?
–Outback Steak House
Overheard by: Big Larry
Rocker guy: I saw your dad on the news a couple weeks ago.
Cute girl: Yeah?
Rocker guy: Yeah. He was at the Capitol lobbying for increased funding.
Cute girl: Oh, for the youth detention center, right.
Rocker guy: I was masturbating at the time.
Cute girl, laughing: Are you fucking serious?!
Rocker guy: Yeah. I came immediately.
–Mikey’s Bar, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Rachael
Creepster #1: Man, I wish I was just a few years younger.
Creepster #2: What do you mean?
Creepster #1: She was totally under 18, and a few years younger and I wouldn’t be arrested for sleeping with her.
Creepster #2: Oh, that shit doesn’t bother me. High school, junior high — hell, I wouldn’t even care if she was in elementary school.
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Creighton
Rider #1: Damn, this bike seat is uncomfortable.
Rider #2: Damn, that VS model is hot.
Rider #1: Shit, my yoddle feels like it’s skewered like a lamb chop.
Rider #2: I wonder if she’ll agree to be my next wife…
–42nd & 6th
