Creepsters

Jesus Will Try Anything to Impress Us These Days

Man: The one time I bought a steak from here I left it out and it turned all brown.
Cashier: Yeah?
Man: Yeah… But then the next time I just put it in my pocket and it stayed good all day.

–D’Agastino

Overheard by: kimmy-yo

Headline by: Gaping MAW

Runners-Up:
· “Don’t Ask Where He Keeps the A-1…” – the horologist
· “Gives a Whole New Meaning to Meat-packing” – Gosia
· “He Said, As He Pulled Out His Penis.” – Allan
· “I Got a T-Bone in My Pocket with Your Name on It” – Marc Bernard
· “My Crotch Always Has a Chilling Effect” – Rhys Southan
· “Worst Pickup Artist Ever” – smittie

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

What Exactly Do You Do with Your Earlobe, Anyway?

Creepster #1: Oh, man! I’m scared I’d never be able to have sex again.
Creepster #2: Naw, man, it isn’t that bad. Just make sure they pierce it in the right spot.

–9th & 6th

Wow, That Jumped Ugly Pretty Quick

Creepster: Have you ever had a tampon stuck inside of you?
Chick: Well, once when I was drunk I had my period and stuck another one up.
Creepster: So, did it get stuck?
Chick: No… But I’m not a fucking gaping hole, if that’s what you think.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Alex Berger

And Neither Will Thousands of YouTube Viewers

Older drunk, tightly hugging young guy: … And don’t think I’m gonna forget. When that happened, who gave me new underwears and washed my ass?
Younger guy, trying to get away: Man, just forget about that!
Older drunk: No! I’m not gonna forget about that!

–Greenpoint, Brooklyn

‘Cause I’ve Got a Great Program I Could Put You On…

Skinny jerk: Yeah, so she’s about a buck ten now, five foot two.
Fat jerk: Oh, that’s great.
Skinny jerk: Yeah, but I had to beat it out of her.
Fat jerk: [Stares.]Skinny jerk: How much do you weigh now?

–Dunkin’ Donuts, 14th & 6th

Overheard by: Shusha

“Dear Jason, Thanks for the Compliment — I Think. LOL! Joy”

Creepster #1: So, I wrote her an e-mail that said, ‘Your titties look really nice. They look really succulent.’
Creepster #2: You wrote ‘succulent’?
Creepster #1: Yeah, I said, ‘Your titties look succulent in photo number five.’
Creepster #2: That’s fucked up.
Creepster #1: I know, but…

–Union & Smith, Brooklyn

Overheard by: crowin

Thanks, Dad.

45-year-old man: … And since I’m on my way to a business meeting, this drink I just bought you is tax deductible.
College girl: Well, that’s nice, I guess.
45-year-old man: Yeah, you’ve got a big butt and you’re tax deductible. That’s how I like them.

–Coffee Shop Bar, 14th St

Headline by: Snark Sloper

Runners-Up:
· “Accountant Pickup Line #65337-2366-26637-1” – Works For Me
· “Baby Got Back. — Cf, Form 1040 Schedule C Line 27” – chris
· “Monica Lewinsky: This Sounds Familiar…” – D. Kareem
· “Until She Capital Gains All That Weight” – Vasyl

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

It’s Worth the Extra Money for a Quality Makeup Remover

Chick: Wow…
Middle-aged man: Yeah, girl, when I get home it all comes off!

–23rd & Park

Overheard by: Black in Queens

Isn’t That Why We Come Here?

Creepster #1: Jesus, all the people who come to the zoo smell like shit.
Creepster #2: Or maybe that’s just the zoo…

–Central Park Zoo

Overheard by: Where is my deodorant?

Not Awesome: That Pending Statutory Rape Charge

Traveling stud: I met this girl while I was vacationing with my wife and kids, so I took her back to my room.
Friend: Why didn’t you go to her room?
Traveling stud: She was traveling with her parents.
Friend: That’s so awesome!

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Erin

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